To ask for advice on how to stop breastfeeding when i dont want to but must

[Thenutjob]

I have been diagnosed with a long term condition, and at my last appointment on Friday was advised I need to start a new medication. The problem is it is contraindicated in breastfeeding as the drug goes into the milk and could harm the baby. My 'baby' is nearly 2 now, and although I know I don't NEED to keep feeding, we both enjoy it. I have tried expressing in the past and no success. I have picked up the prescription but haven't started yet as I am struggling seeing him so upset. I tried to explain to him why but he's just so tearful. I stopped cold turkey on Friday night but it was easier as DH was around and could get him to bed without me. Last night DH was back at work, and he woke up 3 or 4 times (usually sleeps through) asking for milk (that I hadn't given him before bedtime as usual - he rejected the sippy cup with cows milk). And this morning he was really upset, asking for milk, and was so sad when I dropped him at nursery. Is there a better way? What should I tell him? I've been ignoring, distracting but not help. It feels harder as it has been forced sooner that I would have wanted to stop, but I do need to start taking this medication soon.

Start taking the medication and I'm sure your son will get used to not breastfeeding anymore soon. Maybe distract him by letting him try other food as well

It is hard. can you go away for a couple of days and leave your dh to get through the worst of it? This is what I did with my 2yo, and she was actually fine when I wasn't around. When I got back she was still asking for milk quite frequently, but I had more resolve and she'd got a bit more used to not having it.

First I'd check and double check that the medication is definitely a risk. Have you called the drugs in breastmilk helpline? Sorry am on mobile but you can Google it.

Secondly perhaps there is a compromise - for example, if the medicine will be out of your blood within a certain number of hours you could designate certain times when you can feed and times you can't.

If you are forced to wean I would try replacing with a cup of warm cows milk and a cuddly time. Perhaps DH can help?

If night time is particularly bad look at Jay Gordon night weaning. It's usually advised as being a gentle method.

I had to stop feeding my daughter last year due to illness/medication when she was 13 months. It was horrible but necessary. We cried a lot for a few days but you just get through it because you have to. Just keep explaining that the milk has gone away but here's a cuddle instead etc. My dd was younger but this worked for us and she soon moved on. Good luck. And be kind to yourself. It'll likely send your hormones a bit mad!

My girl was two and a half and I also needed to stop for meds, and I'm sure you'll be horrified at this but I did it with treats, I said 'you don't need that anymore now you're a big girl and remember if we manage all day without any we are going to the shop to get some buttons' then the next day I said if you last till the end of the week you're getting that big girls iggle piggle, then once the week was over I just said 'it's all finished, milk is empty but we can cuddle. Which she accepted. I know there's probably loads of reason why what I did was wrong however I couldn't have let her just cry, she wasn't upset this way and she accepted it.

I've just had to stop EBF at 8 months but I'm still offering a morning feed.
I'm due back at work in 1 week so had to. I really didn't want to.

No advice as I couldn't imagine doing this if my son could understand! It would be even more heartbreaking!

Good luck, I hope it gets easier for you

Ps, 2 years is amazing!

Sorry yes we also replaced with a beaker of warmed milk when she asked (the last one before teeth and bed even had a bit of chocolate chocolate milk in it)

Oh sorry OP, it is difficult, I had to do the same at 18 months.

First off it's worth double checking that you definitely need to wean (many Dr's and pharmacists are over-cautious), go to the Breastfeedingnetwork, there are lots of factsheets, and if the medication isn't on there there is a number you can call (a brilliant pharmacist called Wendy) - she responds really quickly if unavailable.

If you do need to wean is it possible to do it over the course of a week (depending on how often you're feeding) to reduce the chance of mastitis and make you feel more comfortable? You can try hand expressing in the shower if things get uncomfortable too. For us distraction was a huge help, we were with grandparents who helped provide other entertainment. Like you, I explained that I couldn't give milk any more, but she still asked (actually for several months), so it was just a case of constant distraction. I bought her a new cup for cows milk that she liked too. It is really hard and you have my sympathy!

It is really hard but my dd asked for it less and less after a few days and then wasn't too bothered anymore.

Here's a link to the Breastfeeding Network, really helpful source of information! www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk

I've read that some women have success by putting plasters on their nipples and explaining that they are broken.
Good luck, I'm likely having to start some medication which means I will need to stop bfing in a few months time. DS is 4 months and refuses all bottles which is stressful

How much are you still feeding? Mine had got down to just a bedtime one when I weaned so it was easy and natural when it stopped. I imagine it's harder if you little one has been used to more feeds through the day.

I did the 'milks all gone' thing with lots of cuddles and encouraged a warm milk drink downstairs before we went up for bedtime and a story.

Hope your LO settles soon. Stopping those last feeds is bittersweet for us whatever the reason it happens.

...sticker chart for if he has milk out of his sippy cup instead (at times when you would have offered breast milk)?

with maybe a small 'prize' if he gets over a certain amount?

Someone will probably suggest that it's a bad idea linking food to rewards but hey

Can you wait till DH is back then sleep in the spare room? DH can be responsible for bed time, night wake ups etc. We did this with similarly aged toddlers and it took about 5 nights

I went away for a long weekend and DH dealt with it. By the time I got back, it was much better. My DS was 18months at the time so a little younger, but he still broke the habit easily with me out of the way. It felt sad so my heart goes out to you, but the feeling soon passes.

Speak to Wendy at the breastfeeding network about whether you absolutely can't take it whilst feeding.

If you can't, then stop slowly or you'll risks mastitis.

If you are in a routine, then change the routine. Switch up meal times, offer snacks at boob time and get someone else to do bedtime if you feed to sleep.

I'm breastfeeding my 19mo and desperately want to stop but he doesn't so I'm doing a slow wean, recently dropped the bed time feed so now have 2 feeds to drop, started on the post nursery one last yesterday.

Oh, and 1- is there a 'second bet' alternative you can have which is breastfeeding friendly and 2. I was told by pharmacist my medication (oxybutynin) wasn't breastfeeding compatible, but when I check, it was.

Has your supply dried up? Mine lost interest when that happened.

Firstly, congratulations on making it to 2 years, it's an achievement in and by itself.

I have recently (within the last fortnight) weaned my 3 yo who absolutely loves "having booby". We wanted to do it when she turned 2 but didn't really get round to it as she got so upset (and I liked the cuddles). Then we went to visit family a few days ago and between the travelling and the distractions she forgot to ask for a few days (we were down to an early morning feed when she woke up and climbed into bed with us). Sure enough, as soon as we were back she came to ask the next morning but I held firm saying that there was no milk left as she was now a big girl.

I'm sure that she'll keep asking for days, stubborn girl that she is, and the little voice asking for booby breaks my heart a little but it doesn't last very long and then she moves on. That being said, I wish I could give her one last feed (but then she would know there's still a bit of milk so I can't). It's so nice when it's no longer necessary and there's no pressure, isn't it?

Thanks for the advice. For those of you who were in the house while DP/DH/other person did bedtime, what did you do? At what point did you say goodnight, or did you just sneak off. And how did you explain to a protesting 2/3 year old that there's no more milkies I miss our feeds already...

Tell him your milkies are poorly and need to rest? And then explain that the medicine you have to take to make them better will make the milk taste yucky maybe.

I said night night downstairs then DH took him to bed, did teeth cleaning and story then tucked him up. After a few nights we took it in turns. He cries more for me but is getting used to it.