My dad is a freelancer and only takes time off very rarely, so bank hols have always been special and even now that I'm long grown up and living in my own home, we've always done something as a family on a bank hol weekend.
My dad has been a heavy drinker for years and it's getting worse. For a long time it was just your typical bottle of wine a night to unwind, still not healthy but low-key enough not to be a 'problem'. Now it's creeping up to 2 bottles, he starts drinking as soon as he gets home, calculates when he needs to stop to still be able to drive the day after and goes to bed rather than face being awake without drink. He's hiding spirits in the cupboards and thinks my mum doesn't know. Starts arguments with my mum and has no memory of it the day after. At parties/occasions gets black-out drunk and has hurt himself falling over a number of times.
He's becoming less coherent, even when he hasn't been drinking. I want to spend time with him and chat but he doesn't make sense anymore.
I feel constantly guilty because I should be spending time with him while I still can, and not abandoning him, but also find myself avoiding seeing him because it's painful. So I didn't make any effort to see him this bank hol. I'm going to tea with just my mum later this week.
AIBU to feel really guilty?