Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? Answering call while watching TV.

24 replies

Needcoffee2244 · 29/08/2017 09:41

I don't really know if Aibu or not, things between me and dp have been odd recently and just not feeling as close as we used to.

We were watching a series on TV at about 10pm and a friend rang me out of the blue, I answered and she didn't seem herself and wanted to talk and asked if I was free to come out with her, I said would tomorrow be alright instead as it's late and I'm in pjs.

It was a very brief call and I was on the phone for a couple of minutes and went to speak to DP as I was a bit concerned, DP was sat in the conservatory and just said 'well just tell her to come round or you'll just keep going on about it'. I said 'well I wasn't going to keep going on about it all night I just wondered what you thought'. We've had a really busy few months so it's not like I go on about friends all of the time Hmm

DP said he was going to the bathroom so I was sat thinking and text a different friend who is also friends with let's say friend A. Friend B rang me back immediately and said she hadn't heard from friend A in a while and had been worried about her recently. I said 'I'm going to arrange to go out tomorrow if you want to come'. As I was talking DP walked in saying something and presumed I was talking to friend A, I said 'don't worry come in it's only friend b' and as I was saying it DP didn't even listen and slammed the door as I was talking to him.

I ended the call a minute later and presumed we would just carry on watching the series as we usually stay up late watching it at the weekend, as I opened the door all the lights, TV and everything had been switched off. I went upstairs and DP was in bed.

Now from the first call from friend A and me putting the phone down to friend B this had been just over 5 minutes and DP had been in the bathroom for most of that! My friends never ring so late and I don't talk on the phone or answer in the middle of something usually but as friend called so late I was concerned so answered the phone. DP will often answer a call while we're having a conversation or watching something and be on the phone a lot longer so I didn't see that this would be a problem?

I asked DP why he was in bed and he replied as follows

Me: DP why have you come up to bed
DP: because I'm tired
Me: oh I thought you wanted to watch that series for a bit longer
DP: well I'm not going to sit like a dickhead all night waiting for you to finish talking
Me: (a bit shocked) why would you be waiting like a dickhead I was on the phone for 5 minutes and you were upstairs
DP: well I'm not going to sit waiting for you all night go and watch TV if that's what you want to do.
Me: okay well i don't think you need to say you're sat waiting like a dickhead when I was just seeing if friend a was alright.
DP: I'm not going to argue it's just a phrase isn't it
Me: okay, well i'll probably just come to bed, do you want a cuddle
DP: no

And then acted normal the next day. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but there's been few things like DP has made a lot of comments about me wearing makeup and getting 'dressed up' for work and says it's just 'a joke'. But says it all of the time so it kind of doesn't seem like a joke..? AIBU??
Thanks if you've stuck with this long post! Smile

OP posts:
butterfly56 · 29/08/2017 09:47

Controlling and passive aggressive! His behaviour will probably get worse.

Needcoffee2244 · 29/08/2017 09:53

Thanks! I thought myself that DP is passive aggressive sometimes but I just thought I was looking too deep into stuff!!

OP posts:
Sayyouwill · 29/08/2017 09:54

Was it an important bit of the show?

I get so pissed off when DH answers his phone or rings someone when we're watching something together. If it's something important I do understand but it's so frustrating when you've finally sat down together to spend some time together watching something and the other person is on their phone, texting or chatting.

I know you weren't just chatting to your friend but perhaps he was just annoyed as he didn't quite grasp it was something important.

It is quite rude to answer the phone without moving away from the other person I think.

peekyboo · 29/08/2017 09:58

It's not good, esp not combined with commenting on what you wear etc.

My ex only had approved of one of my friends, mainly because she had a very shy, quiet exterior so he thought she was like that (when actually she was my rock). Other friends were gradually pushed away almost without me realising.

I hope you can stop the behaviour and are able to recognise it when it happens. So many little things mean you doubt yourself as it's 'only' what ever, but they do add up.

Needcoffee2244 · 29/08/2017 10:00

It wasn't at a really important part of the show but we were still watching something together. I do find it quite rude when people answer the phone while in the middle of something but my friends don't usually ring me so late. DP just said your phone is ringing and I had to get up to find it so just answered it in the room, I was just worried something had happened really.

DP paused TV and just walked in the other room.

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 29/08/2017 10:03

You are both being unreasonable and childish.

pigsDOfly · 29/08/2017 10:04

Christ, that sounds like hard work.

So he's stamping his foot like a toddler because you took and made a couple of short phone calls; he stamps and pouts and you apologize and try to make peace.

Yes, the more you pander to this the worse it will get. You probably need to treat him like the child he is, ignore it and stop apologizing and explaining.

peekyboo · 29/08/2017 10:06

And next time the phone rings during a t.v. show you'll probably hesitate yoto answer it, or ignore it altogether, because of this performance from your DP

Needcoffee2244 · 29/08/2017 10:10

It may sound childish but I've been in a very bad relationship before so I'm quite wary when it comes to things like this.

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 29/08/2017 10:17

My DH might role his eyes a bit if it's my DSis, as our calls can be quite intense. And I would go somewhere else to talk to her, or whoever is on the phone.

But it's just as likely to be my MIL and they'll be on the phone for an hour, so it goes both ways. And I admit I've been known to be a bit disappointed if we were about to spend some time together and he was on the phone to his DM instead.

But his response does sound belligerent, and not easy to deal with.

CleverDick · 29/08/2017 10:18

He does sound aggressive and disrespectful and controlling. Mind you, infantilising men ('Shall I come and give you a cuddle?') is never a good idea. Next time he behaves irrationally or calls you a dickhead tell him you won't tolerate that kind of disrespect.

WomblingThree · 29/08/2017 10:25

The phone stuff is pretty unimportant in the great scale of things. If it wasn't for your last paragraph, I'd have said to ignore him and/or tell him not to be a twat, whilst accepting that it's really annoying if you are doing something together and the other person is on their bloody phone.

However, the remarks on what you are wearing and then pretending it a "joke"? Tell him jokes are supposed to be funny and you aren't laughing. Then bin him.

teaandtoast · 29/08/2017 10:30

Oh, I don't know...kind of rude to interrupt your time with dp though, wasn't it?

pigsDOfly · 29/08/2017 10:31

Yes it would be mildly irritating that you took a call when you were sitting together to watch something on tv, and eye rolling would be most people's reaction as Mittens says.

The problem is the way he over reacted and your conciliatory response to his ridiculous behaviour.

Smeaton · 29/08/2017 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shoxfordian · 29/08/2017 10:38

Yeah he sounds difficult. Is he like this in other parts of your relationship?

Mittens1969 · 29/08/2017 10:47

I agree, it doesn't sound good, it's very controlling. A partner should never dictate to us what we should wear.

Needcoffee2244 · 29/08/2017 10:52

He is lovely a lot of the time and Is supportive, but it's just little things like making comments about my cleaning in front of people and being really picky about food I make or buy. We were staying with relatives and our host was being really attentive, I said to DP that she does a lot for everyone, and he said yeah I'm not used to being looked after needcoffee is though.

I don't even know where that comes from?! We work the same hours except mine are nights and on my days off I clean everything and I always keep the house tidy. Again DP said this is a joke and I'm easily wound up, but nobody found it funny Confused

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 29/08/2017 10:56

This one incident wouldn't necessarily ring alarm bells but taken in context with the other stuff he does in afraid it doesn't sound good. You work similar hours but it sounds like you do most of the housework is that right? He's putting you down in front of others, trying to control your appearance etc. This sounds like the start of abuse to me.

Smeaton · 29/08/2017 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryhadalittlelamb12 · 29/08/2017 11:04

Twat. Sounds jealous. He wants you all to himself. Yuk!

Mittens1969 · 29/08/2017 11:24

I agree, it's not funny. And clearly the others in the room didn't find it funny either. It sounds bad, OP, really.

WomblingThree · 29/08/2017 11:26

There are so many alarm bells ringing here, and you just aren't hearing them. You say he's "lovely" and then you've so far listed 7 or 8 things he does which are controlling or gaslighting. You've got a strange idea of what lovely is.

I'd get out now before he ramps it up to the next level. You seriously do not need a man that badly. You said you've been in a bad relationship before? You're in one now but you just can't/won't see it.

centruim · 29/08/2017 11:32

Your DH was right he would not be able to continue in peace so made the right choice.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page