To leave him?

[BeauMirchoff]

I can't sleep, I can't stop crying.
I've been asking DP for weeks to stop spending all his free time playing that stupid pool game on his phone and start paying attention to his kids. He'll sit on the sofa for hours, playing. He'll then go outside for a cigarette and spend 15-20mins outside, on the phone. He'll even take the phone with him to the toilet and sit in the smell of his own shit for half an hour, playing that fucking game. I've been asking nicely, for weeks, please lay off the game. Please spend some time with your kids.
Today I've finally snapped. We were going out and on a tight schedule, and he disappeared somewhere for 20mins. He was outside (we live in a small block of flats), playing that fucking game.
When I lost my shit, he said all I was good for was nagging and crying. And that I'm stopping him from what he wants to do, like he has no free will and has to take orders from me..! Does he think that I'm doing exactly what I want to do, all the time? That doing housework and dealing with tantrums are what I always hoped my days would be filled with? Alongside holding down a full time job...I feel so hurt by his comment and I am seriously considering letting him go. If he doesn't want to be a parent and accept the fact that he can't always do what he wants to do, then maybe he should just live alone.

Guess it's dowb to how much you can/want to tolerate...

It sounds you are at the point of leaving.... I couldn't live with someone that treated me like this, with so little respect...

If you do want to do something to try and resolve conflict -

Here's an exercise : on a table write a long list of usual tasks that need to be done during a normal day/eve/week/month... With your names across the top... Then say.. These are all the tasks that need to be done daily/weekly/monthly... Which ones are you going to do? ...because you're right I'm not treating you as an adult, as an adult you need to be contributing adequately to the household /childcare...

have you tried doing physical, tangible things to force him to change?

Like leaving him a list of chores and going out shopping? Or sending your kids into the room with him to ask him themselves to spend time with him?

I am always reluctant to tell women to become lone parents without suggesting constructive action to change the rut their relationship has gotten into.

Clearly here, talking and crying is unproductive, so try another tactic - do things differently, and make him confront his own children and his own responsibilities rather than relieving him of them by doing them yourself. If that doesnt work, then he may well be useless and in the grip of some sort of pathetic addiction to a computer game.

Oh good god, OP, don't bother trying to talk to him.

Why would you? Is he suddenly going to see the light? Is he fuck. He damn well knows what needs done round the house, but he thinks that you should do it all.

He sounds like a prick. Put him out! He'll be all the happier with all that time he can spend on his phone.

Jesus, the amount of threads on here by woman who have never known a true partnership makes me so fucking

What are you getting out of this relationship? Not childcare, no sharing of chores, you work f/t so why are you with this man child? Does he give you financial security? Make you feel loved and valued? Because if not, I'm not seeing any benefit to the relationship.