Wtf do I do?

[youknowtheones]

Have just gone on dp phone looking for a number, I come across his ex's name, Facebook it and it comes up with her profile! I feel sick an I'm in shock. I've been with him 4 years and have never seen her number on his phone.

The first year or so of being together I had a route through and actually searched his ex's names in his phone book, weird or not I had trust issues.

Should I mention it?

What, mention that you don't trust him so was looking through his phone? I'd say you're the untrustworthy one. Grow up.

Are you certain its not someone new with the same first name, or is her surname there too?

Through our relationship he's been sly at times which makes me wary. I put her number into Facebook and it came up with her account so I know it is 100% her.

It doesn't necessarily mean anything anyway. I have one of my ex's mobile number saved in my phone, and he's a Facebook friend, and shock horror, I like some of his posts. But I haven't spoken to him in years, we send birthday and New Year messages but that's what I do with a lot of friends, male and female.

He sometimes sends me Christmas cards. My DH wasn't happy the first time he saw one, because he'd put 3 kisses on it. But he soon worked out that I had zero interest in my ex.

A few months ago, I found out that he had got married. I said congratulations to them both, he said thank you.

But we haven't seen each other or spoken to each other in many years.

It would be so much painful to simply ask who she is rather than worrying about it on here. After all, on this occasion you had a legitimate reason to be looking through his phone from what you said?

I still have my ex's name saved. I want to know if he calls so I know not to pick up, rather than a number show up that I don't recognise and answer.

I delete most of my old numbers as I can't stand a cluttered contact list. Yet every time I sync my phone with a computer it dos loads back on. Could just be that.

Only you know him, I know my DP is not the sort to delete contacts so I would not jump to this conclusion with him. Do you believe it is left from when they were together or recently added? As you have already gone to the lengths of checking on face book did you also check his call history. If it is something he has been pretty stupid giving her real name as the contact I am sure if there was something going on she would be named Dave.

I never ever delete numbers..... It's not a dodgy thing thing to have an ex's number

I'd of thought she'd be under another name too if it was anything dodgy. Like I said I have shamefully nosed all through his phone when we first got together. I didn't see it on there. Maybe I am just being paranoid I don't know.

I've just asked him an he's gone mad at me, not for looking on his phone but saying how she's had it for ages etc. I feel in such a horrible position after finding out so much sly shit he's done I always seem to look back and wander if there is stuff I still don't know, he literally swore and lied to my face about texting someone else when I had screenshots of the messages. We have 2 dd's together an I want to make it work, but I can't tell what's bullshit and when he's being genuine. I don't want to regret not trying more with him, but I don't want to regret staying in the relationship either.

He's said he can't go through "this" anymore, I've mentioned this tonight, and brought up stuff last week. I don't want to think about it, I wish I could just erase it from my memory and have no worries but I do. How can I get over it? I don't know what to do for the best.

We do not now him, but regretting not trying hard enough- relationships should not be that difficult. Try to sleep and view it again with a clear head tomorrow.

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with keeping in touch with an ex, as long as it's only platonic friendship. And if I thought my DH would lose his shit over it, I might be tempted to not mention it to him. It would be wrong of me, of course.

What's the 'sly shit' he's done, specifically? 'Sly shit' can range from cheating on you to eating all the chocolate and hiding the empty bag.

Lack of trust is a relationship killer. I wouldn't stay for one minute it a relationship where my partner didn't trust me. And I wouldn't stay one minute in a relationship with a man I didn't trust. No matter what the reason. Life's to short to live that way.

Have you considered counseling?