AIBU to want to go away on a mini break with my new boyfriend for 2 nights

[csos777]

I have been widowed for 7 years. During this time I elected to stay single so I could focus on my children and making not sure they were ok. They are now aged 12 and 14 and are developing into well adjusted happy young people.

Recently I have met someone quite unexpectedly. He is a good man and for the first time since my partner died I have had strong feelings for someone. It was my birthday recently and we would like to go away on a mini break for a couple of days to celebrate - just the two of us. Unfortunately I have no close family nearby to look after my children and I feel asking good natured friends to look after my children for more than one night is not fair.

I'm not sure what to do. I have given up so much over the past few years - willingly - but I'd like some happiness too.

Any suggestions would be great xx

Not sure I understand your question. If you really have no-one to leave the children with you can't go away with your boyfriend.

You could pay someone! I pay my babysitters.

Sign your children up to the scouts! They have regular camps throughout the school year and your children would be in the same age group so would be away on the same camps.

Can your time away coincide with a sleepover for the children with friends? You can return the favour - maybe one overnight to begin?

Ask your friend(s)- if they're happy to do it for one night, two isn't that much of a stretch. At 12 and 14, your kids won't need much minding like young children would.

Be honest with them. If they're good friends, they'll want to help in encouraging a relationship to blossom.

Could you pay someone like an older woman, or an older responsible teen, to stay over with your dc? I have a teen dd, and I occasionally employ a 24 yr old woman who works as a youth worker by day, to stay overnight when I am away and dh is travelling. She takes the dog out for walks too and generally keeps the home fires burning. My dd loves it when she comes as the sitter pays her lots of attention and they do lots of film-watching, cooking, jewellery making, board game playing together.

Send them to a camp? Some schools offer one off boarding if you need it too.

Just ask your friends. I would...they can only say no.

I would definitely suggest doing it when there are camps going on, that could work. I'm not sure about paying someone myself, as I would want it to be someone I knew well and that my DDs know well. But mine are a lot younger, I might feel differently when they're the ages of your DC.

Maybe ask a friend if they could have them for one night initially. One night with your new boyfriend is something. Then if it goes well, they might do it for longer next time. They might be very willing, happy that you're finally grabbing some happiness.

Just to be clear, we have known our sitter for coming up to six years, I wouldn't leave her with someone I didn't know and trust either. The relationship has developed gradually from baby-sitting for a few hours, to occasional over-nighters. I don't always want to rely on friends, especially during term time, as dd would be up late and messing around until the early hrs more than likely. Fine for a weekend but not mid-week.

Assuming UK, you could look at PGL for half term.

So, are you asking if it's acceptable to leave a 12 and 14 year old alone overnight because you don't have 'free' childcare? If so, the answer is hell no, it's NOT acceptable.

Assuming your DC are not hellions nor have extremely complex special needs, why do you feel you can't ask friends to have them for a couple of nights? I certainly watched my friends' children for a night or two on occasion. They'd return the favour with ours or would bring a bottle of wine as a gift.

Find a reputable agency and hire a sitter. Your kids are not babies, and just make sure they have your cell number to call if they need to. Also, perhaps you could have a good friend pop by to check on them for just a minute.

Go away with your wonderful new friend and have an amazing time! You deserve it.

Ask friends. Assuming you are talking weekends/school holiday I wouldn't hesitate to say yes to having my kids' friends stay for a couple of nights for pretty much any reason, 12 and 14 yo are quite low maintenance.

I second PGL. But only if your DC are happy to go.

However. You've posted in AIBU and your DC are teens so would they be happy to comply or do they think YABU?

Do they like your DP or would you be 'sneaking about'? That's probably a more important issue to address if you haven't already, rather than the practicality of where they can stay.

If it's a fairly new relationship and the first one since your DC lost their dad, then tbh I wouldn't rush into the mini break, if you have no family able to look after them. I was previously in a similar situation, and any overnight trips included my DS, though we went to family friendly hotels where there were kids clubs. I think my DS would have hated being looked after strangers for a whole weekend so I could be with a new boyfriend.

Sorry, I know this probably isn't what you want to hear. I am sympathetic as I was also single for 7 years and it was often a lonely time.

Just get each one to stay over with a different friend. Ask their dms. Dont have to go into details . I have dont this regularly for my dcs friends. Its not a big deal. You can return the favour. Maybe wait until half term as school time may not suit.