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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset with BF?

16 replies

user1492555127 · 28/08/2017 21:44

Some background info, basically im 32 weeks and i live with my bf and his family and sometimes i feel isolated as i dont speak their language etc. So, bf promosed he would spend the day with me and we could just chill relax etc, as yesterday he went to notting hill carnival, however this morning he said he was going again ( i dont like to prevent him having fun etc) but he said he would be back early like 6pm-ish. However during the day i had a converdation with my mum and family dramas came up etc so i called him really upset and he didnt care etc, i have no family here in london and only a few friends and living with his family just makes me feel more isolated (the pregnancy wasnt planned btw). ive found the pregnancy really hard emotionally and i hardly ever feel genuinly happy and i rely on him to be there and support me. Hes still not back so basically AIBU to be upset/angry with him and i can tell over text he feel like im overreacting? Sad

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 28/08/2017 22:06

YADNBU he shouldnt have gone at alll, he promised he would be back at 6pm and its now10!
I feel for you OP, could you orgaise to go back to be with your parents for a time. You need as muich support as you can get. Has your maternity leave started yet?

Your situation means that you are totally dependant on a man who doesn't seem to be very reliable. When the baby is here it will be very very hard for you with no family around.

Maelstrop · 28/08/2017 22:08

Where's your family, OP? Can you go back there?

Elephant17 · 28/08/2017 22:11

Leaving you at home with his family who you are not yet very comfortable with, two days running, while he goes and parties up at carnival, when he said he'd spend the day with you?! Yanbu. Sounds very selfish and immature.

It may be that he feels a bit suffocated with how much you rely on him due to not having many friends, but tbh, given how stressful this situation is on you (unexpected pregnancy, living awkwardly with his family, not speaking language, lonely, dealing with the hormones and physical side of pregnancy etc), he really should step up and be more understanding. It makes total sense that you might be feeling a little needy, he should be doing all he can to make you feel secure and reassured.

Hope he gets his act together before baby is here!

Elephant17 · 28/08/2017 22:14

Do you love him, op? Apart from the fact you're carrying his baby, what is keeping you with him?

Mysteriouscurle · 28/08/2017 22:14

I agree with others. Is it an option to go home? If so, I would be tempted to have the babybat home with your mum for support. Its a bit off to leave you on your own with people whose language you dont speak for an entire weekend.

LouHotel · 28/08/2017 22:14

If he's cant get his priorities right then i thinl your going to find having a newborn with him very very difficult.

Is your parents/family an option?

QuiteLikely5 · 28/08/2017 22:16

Just wait until the baby is here! This is just the start! Put your foot down

highinthesky · 28/08/2017 22:21

What are your options, OP? I am guessing things must be pretty difficult if living with a bunch of strangers that you can't communicate with is at the top of your list.

You're on the back foot here and it's doing nothing for your self-esteem. You need to take control of your life.

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/08/2017 22:27

Life is too short to be miserable... Go home sweetheart and get some proper support

Original poster
user1492555127 · 28/08/2017 22:38

His family do speak english just they choose not to speak it with each other iykwim.

Its awkward for me to go home as the maternity unit in my town has closed down recently.

And i do have some friend but they all work and i need to stay in london as i want to continue my degree here.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1492555127 · 28/08/2017 22:39

Idk i feel like the living with his family is what gets to me the most, i just feel like an outsider and yea ik i could learn the language but his language isnt a very easy one to learn and it would take years etc.

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 28/08/2017 22:42

What does he say when you have asked him to remind them to include you in conversations as you are feeling isolated?

They are being very rude - your BF more so if he doesn't speak English to them when you're present.

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/08/2017 22:43

There will be maternity provision in all areas, and are you not taking maternity leave from your degree?

Original poster
user1492555127 · 28/08/2017 23:10

Ive mentioned it and he has I cant expect them to speak english. I dont want to come off as rude etc so i just left it.

And yes im taking a year off uni, but i want to stay here and he cant move due to work and i want to raise our baby together.

OP posts:
highinthesky · 28/08/2017 23:15

Just get out of that house. If you don't, you'll find your baby becomes part of the family and you will continue to be the outsider. You really don't want to be estranged from your own child.

Fruitcorner123 · 29/08/2017 00:01

How about a short spell away to consider things. two weeks with your parents? Maybe you could talk through your options with them. Moving out wouldn't mean splitting up btw

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