Should I go to my cousin's wedding abroad?

[Mamafoof]

Cannot decide what to do. My cousin is getting married in the US. She lives there and I live in UK. We are quite close. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding - also a destination wedding which she came to but was a lot easier then as we were all so young, no kids and her parents paid for her to go plus it ended up being a big family holiday afterwards. To be honest, it would be fun to go as would be able to catch up with all my US family who I haven't seen in years. I also think it would be good to go and represent my family - but also be a nice break for me. Only thing is it is about min 14 hour journey and I would only stay for 3 nights and then work the next day on my return. So quite a huge expense in cost and time. But real reason I am not sure is that I would be leaving 3 young kids to go abroad for about 4 days. This makes me feel so guilty!! If it was for work, wouldn't feel so bad as would feel i have no choice. My husband would look after them with help from nanny and mil. This is the crazy part - I am worried something might happen to me en route and then it would be seen as a huge risk on my part just to go to a wedding! Oh what to do. Am worried I will regret not going but then am wondering whether it is just too much trouble or risk to go anyway? Grateful for any thoughts.

Would your DH think twice about taking a similar trip for work? Would you be happy to look after the children if he had a similar situation?

I think as mothers we are so much more likely to deny ourselves things like this because we see it as selfish.

I think you should go. Tip: my DH found melatonin really helpful for jet lag and you can buy it easily in drugstores in the States. Sticking to what your routine would usually be in the new time zone (i.e. waking at 8am, eating at usual mealtimes and going to bed at 11, whether you feel like it or not) is the quickest way of resetting your body clock, although it's tough the first day or two!

Enjoy it and do your best not to feel guilty.

Thanks for the tip thatorchid. He goes away on 5 trips abroad per year for work conferences and i do the childcare. You are right about not feeling guilty but it's quite tricky! Also, I still have a deep anxiety re flying. Sometimes I wonder if it's easier just not to go and then deal with regret - rather than go and deal with fear of flying / guilt etc

But if you do do it you will feel empowered agajnst your anxiety even if you decide to never do anything like that again, you did it. Nothing can change that.

Is it the idea of a plane crash that has you anxious or being on the plane or the process of checking in, security etc?

If you can pin point what it is you might be able to rationalise the anxiety or plan a way through it x

You are going to be shattered with jet lag for those three days. And shattered when you get back.

No reason to be jet-lagged going - flying West you gain the hours. You will be jet-lagged when you get home.

Can you fly out via Dublin? It costs more and on paper takes longer, but while you are there you clear US immigration and customs and land as an internal flight so no queueing (and the immigration staff have better manners off their home turf!) so it can save time. Look up Dublin Airport in Wikipedia to see where they have connections to.

I would do it and the DC will have a good time without you,