To ask him what he's planned

[waitaminutemrpostman]

I know this is a nice a nice thing for me to be stressing about but I'm still anxious nonetheless!

The big 4-0 is looming and my partner has been planning a surprise for me. Initially I was really excited as it's not something he would normally do but now it's getting closer and I'm getting really anxious. I suspect he is taking me away somewhere but he won't tell me where and it's killing me. I need to know the ins and outs of everything and when I don't I feel powerless. I've asked him to tell me but he won't and keeps teasing me saying 'Wait and see. You're going to love it' and 'Not too much longer until you find out'

Apparently I will find out in a week or two. I know his family will be there when he tells me (they all know what it is) and I know they'll be watching me for my reaction.

Would it be really out of order for me to ask again or should I let him have his moment? It's making me feel sick and I hate surprises

It's not killing you. Sounds like he is going to a lot of effort to do something special for you - so let him. So what if you're not in control? Do you not trust him to get it right?

I do trust him and I'm sure it will be lovely. I suppose it's more about the fact that everyone else knows and will be waiting for my reaction that makes me feel uneasy. Also if we are going away I want to know what to pack/how long for/who is having the DC etc.

He's never done anything like this before so it's all very different for me I'm fully aware that I probably sound like a spoilt brat but I promise I'm not!

Has he got you good presents in the past? If so I'd just go along with it even though I also hate surprises. If his 'present giving' track record has been a bit dodgy I'd ask him to let you in the loop

@Sushi123 He is normally pretty good with presents but has never really planned anything for me before.

I'm quite organised and plan most things in advance so if we are going away I like to have things sorted (outfits planned, book in for nails/waxing/eyebrows etc) and it's making me anxious that I won't have time to do all of these things.

Then again I could be completely wrong and we might not be going away at all! At least if we are I should be ok in my bikini because I can't even eat at the moment!

Practice your "delighted" face over and over in case it's not what you are expecting

@HappenedForAReisling I have already

I like nothing more than planning a holiday, so I can understand the anxiety at being out of control, but let him have the surprise. Why not plan a few nice outfits on the offchance and book in for waxing/ brows/ hair etc anyway so you're prepared? If it's not a trip away you're still hitting 40 feeling your best.

Just relax. Why ruin this for him? He's going out of his way to do something special for you and you're acting like a 4 year old at Christmas. Not knowing will not kill you.

@Aquamarine1029 I Perhaps yes. I do have diagnosed anxiety which I'm getting help for at the moment so that may be why this is more of a big deal for me

Then use this situation to improve how you cope with your anxiety. It's a perfect opportunity.

But you'll know the dates so you can plan all your beauty I take it? You'll also.neef to know what type of climate to plan clothes? How much notice will you Get?

I wouldn't mind the surprise so much (although I'm not keen, it's not my thing and my family know that) but I would hate for his family to be there at the great reveal. Could he not tell you beforehand as a compromise?

I wouldnt like this at all. I dont think the OP is acting like a spoiled 4 year old. If she doesnt like it, she doesnt like it. Perfectly entitled to her feelings. Anyway it isnt doing something nice for HER if she doesnt like it, its him doing something nice for HIM

@Mushroomburger17 Yes that's true. I will book myself in for everything as I know we both have the same week off so I assume it will be that week sometime. Why didn't I think of that?!

You know roughly when it is so just book waxing nails eyebrows anyway, they should last a couple of weeks or so, so you'll be set. Then all you have to worry abOut is clothes. Stop stressing just enjoy it, stop overthinking it.

Oops cross post!

@Mysteriouscurle I like that he's gone to trouble to arrange something nice for me but everyone watching when he tells me makes me feel physically sick.

I know I need to relax and just look forward to it but I'm struggling! He definitely won't tell me without his family being there (I think they've helped him organise things!) so he would want them to see me. He knows I like organising myself which i think will be why he's going to tell me a week or 2 before my birthday.

Totally understand how you're feeling. Performative gift-giving combined with an elaborate surprise would give me the heaving heebie-jeebies, something my OH knows so wouldn't put me through. Have you had any luck telling yours gently how this is turning something positive into something less so?

@homeworkinghubbard I've tried but he's dead set on not giving anything away. He says I don't need to worry as I will love it