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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about alcohol

25 replies

restofthetimes · 28/08/2017 19:02

I do not really drink, I used to, but have suffered from pretty bad depression and I know alcohol does not help. It also mixes quite badly with the antidepressants I'm on – in common with millions of others like me.

I feel a bit left out/puzzled when it seems to be universally acceptable to talk about wine being a mum's saviour all the time - now mumsnet has a gin bottle icon, and I've been looking at a coop advert for beer on here when reading aibus.

Am I the only one who feels a bit left out by all this? And a bit bitter when I see the health problems alcoholism causes individuals and our society?

OP posts:

tigercub50 · 28/08/2017 19:05

My saviour is a nice cup of tea! Quit drinking over 6 years ago as I was on my way to being an alcoholic & I feel so much better for it. I miss it occasionally e.g a nice glass of red with a steak or a cold beer in the sun but the health benefits outweigh all that

ZaraW · 28/08/2017 19:08

I can understand. I occasionally have a drink not very often. When I told people I was cutting back the invites stopped or I would be invited out but in the next sentence was told but you'd be bored.....

RhubardGin · 28/08/2017 19:09

And a bit bitter when I see the health problems alcoholism causes individuals and our society?

I bet that makes you feel really good about yourself, feeling morally superior

Go you!

TooGood2BeFalse · 28/08/2017 19:11

Rhubarb I wish I was perfect too

RhubardGin · 28/08/2017 19:15

Is it bad that I'm currently drinking a lovely large glass of red wine...on a Monday?

Or should I just book my appointment with AA and be done with it?

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/08/2017 19:19

Don't be obtuse Rhubarb and TooGood. Where did OP even insinuate she was looking down on you?

I get what you're saying OP. There are massive downsides to the cultural proliferation of alcohol use, and it's not always the golden panacea it's cracked up to be.

FallingOrbit · 28/08/2017 19:19

Install adblock plus - done in seconds. I tweak it so I don't see any ads ever.

As for boozing in and of itself, nothing wrong with having a little drinky.

nicknamehelp · 28/08/2017 19:21

I know how u feel I hardly drink. If I do I'm happy to have 1/2 then stop. I hardly get invited out because of it and that makes me sad as I am a sociable person.

Sushi123 · 28/08/2017 19:24

Do you feel bitter when you see fat people - because obesity causes many more problems than alcohol to individuals and society!

Kelsoooo · 28/08/2017 19:24

Bullshit. You're not being invited out as much because you're being boring/judgey.

I went three years without drinking a single drop, and still only drink occasionally and my invites never decreased, and I'm of the age where drinking heavily on nights out is by far the norm.

Key thing being, I never policed other people's alcohol, never commented on it, still did rounds. So nothing changed, other than I was on Coke not alcohol.

sadiemm2 · 28/08/2017 19:26

I can't drink because of health reasons, and I don't feel morally superior at all. I feel left out . I understand the thing about constant references to mummy's little helper, wine or clock etc. Even the parents of the children I teach buy us wine and tell us we deserve it doesn't looking after their awful kids (their words!) I feel left out a bit... I keep special cordials or presses for evenings etc so I can differentiate between normal drinks and special drinks. This may make me sound like a twat but it how I deal with the teetotal life

RhubardGin · 28/08/2017 19:27

Bullshit. You're not being invited out as much because you're being boring/judgey

Bingo!

I have lots of friends who don't drink and they are still the life and soul of the party

scarletpopapil · 28/08/2017 19:29

I barely drink (could count my total units this year on the fingers of one hand) but I can't say I feel left out - most people in my social circle are more or less like me, and the few that drink more don't make a big thing about me not drinking. (I know people who find it weird, but I don't go out of my way to be friends with them.)

I know lots of people do like a drink, though. Moderate drinking is pretty normal and a lot of people see a glass of wine or whatever as a cue to relax at the end of the day. It's something people talk about from time to time. I don't feel excluded by that any more than I'd expect a non coffee drinker to take it personally that I need two cups in order to wake up in the morning.

Obviously lots of people do have a problem with drinking and that's not good, and alcohol causes a good deal of harm. But so do many things. I don't expect anyone to pretend they never eat junk food or smoke, either.

ZaraW · 28/08/2017 19:29

Kelsoooo that's your experience mine is different I don't judge people but when one friend told me I was boring because I no longer drank on a night why would you assume the issue is with me?

DailyMaui · 28/08/2017 19:32

I have friends who drink alcohol and friends who don't drink. TBH the ones who don't drink alcohol still get invited out with the rest of us. The ones who rarely get invites are those friends who have given up alcohol for one month/six months/a year/life who are evangelical and preachy about it. I don't give a damn if you have a lime and soda instead of a gin and tonic. But don't attempt to make me feel bad/sad/weak/a bad mum etc if I do. Yup, it's def THOSE people who find the invitations dry up in my circle.

I have one friend at the moment who has had no alcohol for a year. Good for her - she wanted to do it and she did it. But she talks about it every time I see her and tells me how I "could" be an alcoholic and how much better my life would be if I stopped drinking: I have a glass of wine or two whenever I want. I very rarely binge drink. Any drinking problem is hers not mine and I'm not happy about her views being so forcefully part of any conversation. Drink or don't drink. Who cares?

You've reminded me I have no gin in the house.

SheSaidHeSaid · 28/08/2017 19:36

now mumsnet has a gin bottle icon

The gin icon is in memory of an old mumsnetter who has sadly passed away.

Gorgosparta · 28/08/2017 19:36

I dont drink. I feel nothing abour gin emojis or people talking about having wine after a hard day with the kids.

Most people can drink without it being damaging or an issue. Let them get on with it

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2017 19:38

Am I the only one who feels a bit left out by all this? And a bit bitter when I see the health problems alcoholism causes individuals and our society?

Very similar to the problems obesity causes

Are you going to moan about the cake and biscuit icons too?

Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies · 28/08/2017 19:50

I am an alcoholic and have not had a drink for 11 years. I still socialise lots and enjoy nights out with my friends who all drink. However I do find the constant references to a glass of wine/alcoholic drink as a Mum's best friend boring and unimaginative.

Ttbb · 28/08/2017 19:54

Yes, I really don't get it. I can have a glass of wine (mind you it's more like the bottom of a glass) every now and then but I am so sleep deprived that I immediately begin to feel tipsy. I just don't get how wine helps when you are exhausted by a full day of caring for children.

Marmjamalade · 28/08/2017 19:56

I dislike the attitude of some people that if you don't/can't drink,life must be very boring. An ex of mine managed to give up alcohol (he had been an alcoholic for nearly 13 years). I was delighted that he'd managed this but then he started refusing to go to pubs or restaurants with me,saying it was boring because he couldn't drink! I said loads of people don't drink,but it doesn't stop them going to places where there's alcohol. I am by no means a heavy drinker,if I go for a meal,I'm happy with one glass of wine,then I have water or diet coke. And if he was that bothered,I told him that I wouldn't drink at all. But it made no difference. We split up in the end because I got the impression he was saying that it was ME that he found boring because he couldn't drink,as he seemed quite happy sitting in a cafe,or round at one of his friends' houses for hours,often while they were drinking alcohol!

SilverySurfer · 28/08/2017 19:57

I'n bitter too - but it's because it's one of the warmest days of the year after a crummy August and I can't have a glass of Pimms whilst sitting in my garden because I'm on antibiotics .

I suggest you worry about yourself and leave other people to make their own decisions in life. It's all very pious of you to be concerned about society but we're all grown ups. Why pick on people who enjoy a ? As Worra said, what about the increasing problem of obesity? At least drinkers and smokers more than pay their way by virtue of taxation.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 28/08/2017 20:00

It's not just the health problems alcohol causes, though - they probably are comparable to obesity, etc.
But the strain on the police, amblanc service, A & E etc from the hordes of people who end up paralytic on a Friday or Saturday night is a different matter. As is the intense pressure to drink - I've had people repeatedly insist I accept a lift home so I can drink, or be utterly aghast at the fact I have to give relatives a lift on Christmas day as it means I can't drink.

I have nothing at all against drinking - I wouldn't judge others for drinking, and drink occasionally myself. But I still feel we have an unhealthy relationship around alcohol as a society. And it's nothing to do with moral superiority - I'm not someone who can say they have the right to feel superior about anything.

But I can at least acknowledge the point OP is making without getting defensive because I like a drink now and then.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/08/2017 20:01

I don't drink tea. I don't " get" the obsession with it or the desperate need to have it. It doesn't mean I feel puzzled when people offer me one automatically at their house or to someone when something bad happens. I'll take a gin though (which is there in memory of a dearly departed MNer).

WildCherryBlossom · 28/08/2017 20:26

Hahaha I don't drink tea either. People seem really confused when I say I would prefer a glass of tap water 😂.

OP your right alcohol is ubiquitous in our culture. So many of those house hunting programmes where they say "imagine yourself sitting here, with a glass of wine..." we meet friends in pubs etc etc etc.

I do drink (no doubt, more than I ought to) but I agree that it is excessively normalised.

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