To think this person isn't my friend

[eviethehamster]

I consider myself a loyal friend. If you ask me for a favour, I will do it. Sometimes this leads to being taken advantage of. Other times not.

I have a "friend"/colleague from work. We've been "friends" for about 6 months, I've been in my job for 15 months. We are not in the U.K.

"Friend" has always asked me for favours (e.g. To pick her up from the dentist after a procedure, to pick up her teenage son and take him to work because she's desperately ill, etc). I've once asked her to help me move. She didn't. We would often go for group drinks after work, sometimes just a few of us.

Move to last week. She's quit her job. When she quit she said "please don't forget me, i still want to hang out", etc. Friday I texted and asked if she wanted to have a glass of wine. She said she was hungover and had a going away party to go to. Prior to texting her I texted another girl in the office about wine (mutual friend) who said she was out with "friend" that night for a going away party (for someone I don't know) and to come. I was going to go until "friend" didn't invite me. I didn't feel welcome so didn't go.

Today was DS's birthday. I asked friend weeks ago if she wanted to come. She said "yes". She didn't show. I text her after the party and said I thought she was coming. She said "my brother was in town so I couldn't. Didn't think ds would miss me lol".

I didn't respond. DS is 3. That's not the point. Shouldn't she have text and said "sorry I can't come". I haven't responded to her because I get the distinct feeling that I've been used and the message is clear: we aren't friends.

Or am I being paranoid/unreasonable?

You're not friends. Block and move on.

Not a friend. Walk away.

Let her go and be mean to others. She's not your friend, she's a user. Sorry OP

NbcxbbaFl

Ach I dunno she sounds a bit flakey but that's not the end of the world.
Think of her as a nice-to-know rather than a dyed in the wool friend and enjoy her company when you see her I'd say. She hasn't particularly done anything wrong....she's allowed a night out without inviting you and not turning up for a friend's three year old's birthday doesn't matter.

Lower your expectations of her I'd say.

I think you cut off your nose to spite your face on the going away party. You don't know the person, whose going away party it was so it wouldn't necessarily have occurred to ex colleague to invite you. As for your son's birthday, yes it was rude. It sounds as if she likes what you can do for her. You're not really close friends, more people, who know eachother and may hang out if found in the same place. Stop doing favours for her.

Maybe mummy.
Although current colleague knows I don't know her too and still invited me.

Won't cut completely but will definitely cease contact and no more favours.

Cease initiating contact that should say

Why would you want to be invited to the going away party of someone you don't know anyway? I wouldn't think to invite you along under the same circumstances.

If it was my going away party and 2 friends brought a stranger with them I don't think I would be impressed to be honest unless the stranger was their partner.

Definitely stop doing favours for her. You don't have to fall out with her, but you do need to establish if there could be a friendship or if she is a user. As of now I would say you have been friendly colleagues.

She was rude not turning up to your son's party and not letting you know (are you in rural Sweden? I have found during my time here in happens a lot and it's maddening). But do keep in mind the timescale, your colleague only left week and you have already tried to meet her for drinks and invited her to a children's party. Leave the ball in her court but be wary of her phoning for favours.

Sounds like a plan.

TBF this is why I didn't go (in addition to not feeling welcome). However, "going away" party was in a bar and said person was going to be working their last shift.

That's not the point though. In normal circumstances I wouldn't care. However the other things on top has made me feel how I do now.

She isn't your friend. Let her sort out her own problems from now on.

I don't think the sons party is a big deal tbh. its a kids party, why would an adult be missed? wouldn't think twice if it was one of my childless friends who didn't come. doesn't mean they aren't your friend.