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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a good deed isn't selfless if you post it on social media?

55 replies

Edgeofthedesert · 27/08/2017 11:10

Someone I know witnessed a car accident and stayed with the man until the emergency services arrived, she then took a photo of the accident and posted on Facebook what she had done to help.

Another person bought food for a homeless man. He filmed the entire thing, he bought him a McDonald's and was even telling the woman serving him it was for the homeless guy outside.

I just don't get it. You're doing a good thing, do people really need the recognition for it as well?

OP posts:

Barbiessharpfeet · 27/08/2017 11:10

For some people, all life is for now is doing stuff for social media. It's gross.

LouHotel · 27/08/2017 11:12

I think there is a line between promoting good deeda in hope others follow and as you say basically fishing for compliment.

For example

''on fridays i volunteer to hand out food to the homeless, if anyone would like to join me we meet at ... at
.. time.

picture of handing a homeless person a cheeseburger

Original poster

Edgeofthedesert · 27/08/2017 11:12

I might got shot down in flames for this but the man that helped in the recent crash on the M1 had posted it as a live video on Facebook. It just didn't sit right with me. It's not a scene that should be broadcast to people.

OP posts:

Titsywoo · 27/08/2017 11:15

I find it very odd. One i saw yesterday about the lad who sat with a girl trapped in that horrible accident on the m1. He was obviously very upset and did a very good and brave thing. Just not sure why he filmed himself afterwards at the scene and put it on Facebook. Also saw a program about flights gone wrong and a bloke was filming himself talking about how scared he was while the crew were shouting brace instructions at the passengers. It's just the last thing I would think of! Not sure if it's an attention thing or like a personal diary thing? Very odd and inappropriate in some cases.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 27/08/2017 11:19

We recently had a very bad RTA out side my place of work, which involved the air ambulance and a couple of fire engines.

The police asked for video footage to help them identify the occupants of the (stolen) vehicle which caused the crash, they'd run off.

It's no better or worse than CCTV, probably has better quality images.

CaoNiMartacus · 27/08/2017 11:39

I despise this sort of behaviour.

I'm not a Christian, but there's a line in the Bible that says you should do good deeds in secret and not make a song and dance about it.

JemandScout · 27/08/2017 11:42

I agree. It just comes across as self serving. I thought that when I read an article about that awful car crash involving the mini bus with a man giving interviews a out how he had sat with a small child trapped in the mini bus. It just smacked of all about him when it would seem several people had died.

scottishdiem · 27/08/2017 11:46

Depends on how and why it's done. If they are only doing the good deed because they want to boast about it then that is contemptible. If they do the good deed and then day they did it then I think that's ok and nothing to worry about it (unless they make it a defining characteristic of who they are and then mention it all the time). I find it worrisome that people don't seem to want to know about what others did or do in certain circumstances. Seems a bit like jealousy or embarrassment and not doing likewise to me.

MrsTrebus · 27/08/2017 11:47

Someone took a photo of DH taking coffee and cake to done homeless people near his office at Xmas and put it on Facebook with a gushing 'true spirit of xmas' message. I saw it and showed him (doesn't have any social media) and he was really uncomfortable about it but least because the cake was a client gift to the office they'd decided they didn't need and he was stood chatting outside in office time whilst his manager was in a meeting!

I requested it removed and the person refused - she'd got a lot of likes and it was 'viral' whatever thar means. What a bunch of utter dicks some people are.

Watch the black mirror episode 'nose dive' it's coming true!

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2017 11:50

Meh, I think the core fact is the good deed was done. It's better than doing nothing. I'm not sure it's negated because they then posted about it.

GeekyWombat · 27/08/2017 11:51

For me I think there's a difference between the 'I've done something magnanimous, look at me!' and the people who are witnesses to tragedy. I think in cases where there is a major incident or something genuinely distressing, often this kind of posting / talking is a weird way of trying to distance / make sense / bring meaning to something that is horrific and without meaning.

It's easier to feel less caught up in something horrible if you're documenting it through your phone screen. In some cases, not all, I think it's a genuine (albeit weird) coping mechanism.

I think as well sometimes it's very much to do at what point in the shock / grief process you are. In the immediate aftermath of something traumatic adrenaline is pumping, you're usually talking ten to the dozen, if you end up talking to a journalist or whatever you sound very chatty because at that point in the process you're wired and hyper with it. Someone could ask you the same questions the next day when reality has set in and suddenly you don't want to talk about it, it's given you nightmares etc.

Lauralou69 · 27/08/2017 11:52

It's completely self serving and 'look at me! Look at me!!' .....although I have done it.....walking home with kids and witnessed a dick head man verbally abusing his girlfriend....I called him out on it, called him an abuser and he threatened me. I phoned police and when I got home I put a post about it on our local Facebook page, mostly because I wanted him to get caught but also because it shook me up and I wanted to make a point to every one how unnacceptable it was. I got a lovely private message from the girls mother thanking me for sticking up for her daughter.

MissJC · 27/08/2017 11:52

I agree with what you're saying. I see them on my FB and just think they are tossers doing it for likes. A true good deed is selfless. What goes around comes around.

Luckyyem · 27/08/2017 11:58

In December were pulling on to a dual carriageway as a huge crash - it was actually 3 crashes in a very small area involving 21 cars - was happening slightly further down, emergency vehicles hadn't even arrived and everyone was doing what the could to help. As there were so many people around where the accidents happened we stayed in our car.

Later that evening we saw numerous posts all over social media - one dash cam caught the whole crash and people who were helping a lady who sadly died. People were telling him to remove it and he refused, I'm not sure how but it was finally removed.

I can understand passing any recordings to the emergency services but putting it all over social media, in the above and other examples, is disgusting.

Even though I'm on Facebook and twitter I don't 'get' how lives seem to be played out on social media.

QueenOfVipers · 27/08/2017 12:00

Depends on how it's done.

If it's an invite to join someone on a charity run or coffee morning to raise funds for example that's fine.
Photo of homeless person eating a burger with the caption full of emojis saying omg this poor man stay #blessed #lucky #charitable.
Not so much,
I slept rough for a bit in my teens before social media took hold.
A few people bought me coffees and a pastry and I am forever grateful but if someone had taken a photo of me to share online without my consent I'd have died of embarrassment.
It's patronising and it's not how I'd want friends/family/ex co workers or school pals to have seen me either...

Notknownatthisaddress · 27/08/2017 12:00

(Matthew 6:1-4) - "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3"But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

Following on from what someone said earlier in the thread. Yep, bragging and crowing about stuff you have done IS frowned on in the bible (if you believe of course!)

Even if you don't, there is still something tacky and self serving about waffling on about the amazing thing you did, and expecting thanks and praise. If you do good deeds/nice things/stuff for your community, why tell people??? Do you need the praise?

If someone is seen doing something, and it's publicised, then of course they cannot do anything about it, but otherwise, don't carp on about it. It makes you look like a narcissistic nob.

Trills · 27/08/2017 12:01

There's no such thing as true altruism.

At the very minimum, we do it because it feels good.

YABU to think that the goodness of a deed is somehow diminished if the doer gets something out of it.

raviolidreaming · 27/08/2017 12:01

The strangest I've seen lately was someone who had found a bride's veil, knew the venue it had blown off her head from, and was trying to whip up a social media storm to find her and return it before the end of the day...

Just take it to the venue!

WashingMatilda · 27/08/2017 12:04

I agree OP, it's gross. Can't believe the guy who actually filmed himself giving food to a homeless guy. Ugh.
I've done that a good few times, as have many people I know. Whoop de bloody do. Poor homeless man being made into a pawn in his game.

Trills · 27/08/2017 12:05

Publishing a film of an accident (or attack), or the aftermath, without the permission of the people in the film is a rude and unthinking thing to do.

ClemDanfango · 27/08/2017 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyPops · 27/08/2017 12:12

Filming the aftermath of an accident I can get. It could be useful to the police.
BUT, it's to be passed to the police and the police alone. Not on social media.

Good deeds sharing. I don't mind if it's someone sharing a fundraising event or a good idea. (E.g. my church shared a good idea that during advent / lent we could donate one item a day to the foodbank and then take them in at the end).

I don't like poverty porn type sharing e.g. im so great. Look at this man I bought a coffee for.

JuicyCake · 27/08/2017 12:12

I don't think it's even to do with good deed / accident / incident. It's to do with just videoing yourself. They video themselves at home, in bed, at the type of moments. At fucking concerts!
I don't know who watches it... It's all very ego-driven. I've never looked at Snapchat, but I imagine it's what young folk are glues to in their smartphones all day long. Bit scary, thinking about the future...

BossyBitch · 27/08/2017 12:13

I do quite a lot of advertising of my 'good deeds' on social media - it's a good way to get people involved.

Having said that, I wouldn't do it for something like the story mentioned in the OP, as it's not an organised effort that needs recruiting but a random act of kindness.

Mine are normally along the lines of '6h spent sorting and 1 van load full of donated goods for refugees in Greece ready for shipping. Also, 6h of laughing and bantering with some amazing people - join me next week?'. I then follow this up with a factual post explaining why stuff is needed and whom it benefits.

It works, so quite frankly I'm not so concerned about potential cringeworthyness.

Beadieeye · 27/08/2017 12:19

A selfish good deed doesn't count if it's set up to feed the ego of the 'Good Samaritan'. It's sickening and exploitative :(

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