To tell my family to stop buying presents for my stepkids?

[HowzatCat]

DH and I have been together for over 10 years. I have two stepkids whom I get along very well with in general. DH and I also have two kids together. My family has always bought equally for all the kids at Christmas etc BUT my stepkids have never said thank you unless really pushed. When my family comes to visit (they live abroad) my stepkids simply ignore them and DSD has said in the past she doesn't feel like they are "real" family. They are entitled to feel that way but my family are actually quite hurt. I've been trying for years to help facilitate a relationship and I'm at a dead end. AIBU to just tell my family to forget and just get presents for the two little ones?

How old are the step kids?

How is it that you get a,one with your step children but they are so rude to your parents? Something's not adding up. Perhaps it's time you approached them (step children) directly.

^along

Why hasn't your husband addressed his children's horrible, rude behaviour? That's HIS job.

How old are your step kids? And how often do they see your family?

If the DSCs are teenagers I would say to carry on buying for them for now. They may not seem grateful now but I think in the long term they will be IYSWIM.

The sudden stopping of treating them the same as your DCs may cause much more resentment.

If they are already grown adults who cannot say thank you, then absolutely - yes - do stop buying for them.

Your step children do need to be polite, but it's understandable why they would feel like their step parents family aren't their real family. It's lovely that you're trying to facilitate a relationship, but it it would be really unkind to stop your step children getting presents the same as their siblings. It's not easy being a step child.

They see my family at least twice a year most years three times. Partly they are just so spoiled and I'm partly to blame for that. They get so much for Christmas from us and their mums side. I clear out presents that the packaging has never even been touched every year. I honestly don't think they'd notice if my family stopped buying. Christmas morning I make a big list of who got what from whom then I nag DH for months to get them to say thank you on FaceTime which eventually happens in the most half hearted way possible. Mum pays a fortune to ship things here from the US. We spent 4 weeks with my family this summer in the US and my dad gave them each 100 dollars spending money for their weekend in NYC and all one said was "cool money" and the other nothing. I think I went bright red with embarrassment. I asked them to say thank you and they did but it was clearly at only at my request. They are 15 and 12 so prodding them to say thank you just feels a bit pointless as there clearly isn't any real gratitude.

I have a similar situation with my sister. She met a guy with 3 teenage boys (she has 2 younger girls) and so i started buying presents for the others too, as did my mum. However, They never said thank you so I don't really bother now.

My sisters step son never said thank you to any of us when he got presents so we all just stopped giving him anything. It's your husbands job to teach them to have some manners.

Tell your DH, that you are so embarrassed and hurt by his 2 DC's bad manners, you're now advising your DP to stop buying gifts for them
End of. It'll be easier all round.
Oh and while you're speaking to him, tell him that, Christmas/birthday gifts are going to be scaled down from this year on!