To think patterns on clothes are mostly shit?

[custardcreamplease]

I've had a revelation. I exist in patterned dresses, cardis, patterned trousers, blouses and tshirts with some sort of flower, dot or animal on it.

I opened my wardrobe a few days ago and realised I hated all of it. This honestly came out of nowhere. I looked at it all and went WTF.

I'm a grown woman with a fairly responsible job, plus the usual adult trappings, husband, kids, bills. So why the fuck am I wearing dresses with twee fucking daisies on them? Everything has a little flower on it, or ducks, or foxes. I even have a scarf with a unicorn pattern. Why the hell have I been wearing this shit?

I honestly can't face wearing any of it ever again. So I decided I'd go through it all, charity shop all the twee shit and buy some new things. I'd still like a range of colours and styles, but no bloody patterns! And it's really hard to find anything suitable!

I don't know whether I've just had awful taste in clothes for most of my adult life, or if it's an attempt to pretty things up, but everything looks like Cath Kidston boked on it

Any style tips would be welcome.... I want to look reasonably stylish but practical... No more twee shit!

Patterned skirts and trousers can look really nice, especially in the summer months (so don't chuck all of those)
Patterned tops on the other hand, are ageing.

I think the secret is, to stick with patterns on the bottom half and
plain on the top.
You can't go wrong.

I don't mind patterns but then I'm fairly young so you might think I can get away with it more. Floral is alright as long as they're not huge flowers.
I'd go with pattern on bottom/plain on top OR pattern on top and plain on bottom. Not both, that's too much.

It's what they make for 'mums'. I don't mind the odd pattern - preferably vintage - but can't bear twee shit

I'm fairly young too, I think it's more my body shape colliding with patterns and creating hell. I have long legs, big boobs and broad shoulders, and am active/outdoorsy - suspect I look less ridiculous in my hiking boots and khaki shorts than in a unicorn scarf!

I see what you mean about patterns on the bottom instead of the top actually - I have a few of those ankle grazer trousers with subtle patterns on them, and I wasn't sure if I should kill them too, because they still weren't striking me as unbearably awful. I'll hold on to them and see how they'll do with a plain top.

I know poverty - I think it might have been in an annual I found at a charity shop so probably 10 years older than me!
I also think non patterned items are less memorable so you can wear them more often.