To think I'm not a naturally lazy, 'low-energy' person

[Lovestonap]

For the last nine years I have been qualifying, post-qualifying and volunteering to gain experience in a field of work I love. During that time I have also had two children and on top of training and volunteering I have worked 3 night shifts a week in a job I just don't love (think HCA or similar). I have had to work nights because of the children, we don't have any family close by to help with childcare and my husband works a long hours job (hospitality/catering). I am able to sleep for a few hours after coming home but more often than not I'm awake again by about 11am. Sometimes the youngest was in nursery, sometimes not.

So, although I have adored the last few years because my little family are ace, and we chose our own working patterns etc it's fair to say I have been tired for a good nine years now!

My other family (mainly mum and to a lesser extent sister) think I'm a bit of a joke because I'm always quite tired and desperate for a nap, and this has translated as me being the 'lazy' one. I suffer from depression which flares up now and again - the sort of depression which just leaves me feeling desperately tired again, and low energy.

My youngest is starting school in the autumn and I have managed to get not one but two paid jobs in my field, which I am so so excited and proud about. I am also training for my next belt in a martial art and have recently done a sponsored sport event (alright, I didn't do it very fast, but I finished it!)

My mother, rather than congratulating me has brought forwards all her concerns about how I will manage to juggle daytime jobs and the kids etc and if I won't find it all too much and too tiring, and 'you're not really the most energetic of people' and your depression might flare up.

AIBU to think that if when we were little she had worked 45 hours a week (36 of them at night in a job she did not gain any satisfaction from), cared for us during the day and studied for a degree and post-grad qualification she might have felt a bit tired and rundown too? (to put it in perspective, she worked 9-5 and had an au pair for us), and that knackered and low energy is not actually a personality trait of mine but a result of lifestyle choices we made as a family that worked for us at the time?

AIBU to think that actually, changing from working nights to daytimes, in a job I love and feel very proud of getting will enhance my energy and actually lower my risk of depression?

Has anyone else experienced improved quality of life from stopping night shifts?

God I hate working nights.......

Sorry for rant....

Your mother sounds like she is undermining you. And downplaying what a tough phase you have been through. Does she have form for this?

Mind you, it does sound like you might have been overdoing it. Sometimes less can be more, you know? Well done on the new jobs - maybe that will create some more space.

I think my mum can generally be a bit negative about things, and my DH has asked me to stop telling her things about my life in the hope of approval as it's so rarely forthcoming.

You make a good point about space, my hope is now that weekends become weekends in the traditional understanding of the word,
time to play with kids, cut grass, Sunday lunches etc....something we had little exerience of as shift workers..... of course it'll mean a return to the Sunday night blues I remember well from my office days...

AIBU to think that actually, changing from working nights to daytimes, in a job I love and feel very proud of getting will enhance my energy and actually lower my risk of depression?

YANBU to think this. I agree it will probably help. And you'll prove your mother wrong.

@SonicBoomBoom I agree

Don't let your mother spoil this for you. It sounds like you've done well. Congratulations on the job. Go and enjoy it! I hope it's less tiring.

YANBU.

I think your mother feels that you are showing her up with all your achievements which is why she is trying to put you down.

I felt tired just reading what you did!

Keeping busy definitely staves off my depression. Ignore your mum op.

I can understand your frustration with her, but it does sound like you're taking on an awful lot. If you are feeling generally tired and rundown it could become unsustainable. She's being tactless, but I think her essential concerns are probably warranted.

yanbu at all!

You sounds like you do much more than most people me !

"My mother, rather than congratulating me has brought forwards all her concerns about how I will manage to juggle daytime jobs and the kids etc and if I won't find it all too much and too tiring, and 'you're not really the most energetic of people' and your depression might flare up."

Sounds to me as if she is worried about you ; from what you have said, you are taking on a lot, and it will be a question of juggling. You have been working hard and juggling for years, you suffer from depression, which is often exacerbated by tiredness. She is worried it might flare up again - which sounds a justified concern.
Maybe she has expressed herself clumsily, maybe she doesn't quite understand what it's like being permanently tired from night shifts, but it's clear she is worried.

Margaret, from my point of view these new jobs mean I'm actually taking on less. 30 - 35 hours a week daytime as opposed to 36+ during the night. Kids will both be at school so will be using wrap-around care .

You're absolutely right re workload - I think I'm so pleased the jobs are changing now as that working pattern was never meant to be sustainable, just a means to an end whilst the children were little and I qualified. It's not only the night shift patterns that wear me out, but the BOREDOM of the job brings its own level of stress.

I think, on reflection, that my mum just doesn't support my career choice, it's not a field she really understands (mental health support) and I think she thinks I'll probably be no good at it?!? Despite the fact that I've been qualified for several years now. I don't know. This may be unfair as she has certainly never voiced this.

The juggling act will be harder; it's always easier logistically when there is a parent at home/on call during the day than when you're having to manage breakfast and after school clubs etc - (even if said parent is a sleep-deprived zombie), I just hope that if I'm feeling mentally and physically more resilient the juggling won't be as much of a problem as my mum thinks it will be.

cross post with Delphinium

you may be right :)

I often wonder whether my depression causes my tiredness or vice versa - I certainly know that poor sleep patterns don't help it.

It's just the idea that it's my personality rather than my lifestyle that causes this low energy that I don't like. I think of myself as an active, hardworking person and despite my username, it's annoying me that some of my family think of me as some kind of mournful sloth.

(secret desire is for people to think of me as 'sporty', but in spite of best efforts the cakes keep finding me and I'm closer to 'cuddly' as an adjective. Hoping the new work patterns will help with that too!)

Don't say to people you are tired or need a nap. Keep it to yourself. I'm an insomniac so often feel sleepy in the afternoon but people don't really understand so I don't say.
Also you need to do something for yourself each week, manicure. Yoga, massage just something for you. You deserve to be appreciated even if you have to do it yourself.

I can see how some posters are trying to put a positive spin on your mum's approach, but tbh - whether it's that she's secretly disapproving and trying to put you down, or whether she loves you dearly but has a negative & pessimistic outlook that means she tries to "protect" you from disappointment by encouraging you to not try anything challenging - the end result is still undermining!

Congrats OP - sounds like a very long hard slog! I think you're right that daytime shifts + actual full nights sleep will be easier, plus the boost of doing an engaging job that you've worked so long for is a big pick me up in itself.