To send my children to their dads because I need to get better

[mango688]

Hi
Bit of a backstory, I have been recently diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder. I'm supposed to be going back and forth to the doctors so they can work out what meds I need etc so at the moment I'm not on the right meds. I have missed doctors appointments because times I've just been to scared or to tired to go which I know isn't good. I'm a mess. My head is running at 100mph, I don't know how to stop my emotions or behaviours. I've been taking prescription painkillers (that I've got from other people) just to ease my emotions and some of my feelings so I don't feel like this. Right now I just feel as though I want to run away and leave because I feel I'm at a dead end, I don't know myself and I don't want to be here, I just want to be normal.

Truthfully I don't feel like I can cope anymore. My kids are looked after have everything they want and need are always well fed dressed cleaned etc which is why i neglect myself, so I can do what I'm supposed to for them. Sometimes I feel as though I don't want them, I just want to be alone. I don't know what to do. I just feel like I want to run and sort things out. I can't take what's going on in my head or my extremes of emotions.

I quit my job 3 weeks ago because I just felt as though I could not cope any longer.

I've asked my children's dad (they're aged 1 and 2) if he can have them indefinitely whilst I sort my head out. I just don't know how to behave or how to feel normal or what to do. He is accepting and says he will have them for as long as I need but is concerned about the fact that I say I "no longer want them" he says how can you not want a child you gave birth too and wanted. I do want them, just at this moment in time I'm overwhelmed with emotions and feelings and feel I need to be on my own or just get out of here, I can't explain.

Is it unreasonable to leave my kids with their dad whilst I take time for myself try to understand things and sort my head out? I love them both more than anything in the world I just feel I'm in a dead end and I don't know how to get out. I've even got a pot in my bedside table full of different tablets which is my "suicide pot" if things get too much, it's getting to that point. I just want to sort my life out and my head.

No, it is wiser than holding on to them because you are expected to, at the price of getting worse and it having consequences on your children. You need to get in a better place in your head to be the best you can be, for yourself and for your children. Good luck OP.
YANBU

But use this time to get help, from professional. Do not try to do it alone.

Let them go to him now while you get better. It sounds like such a tough time for you and having to care for your children will make it tougher. Be careful what you say to your ex - you just want him to care for them while you're unwell. As a previous poster says, please don't try to get better on your own - it's too hard. Ask for help.

YANBU.
Someone has to be the main carer. Our misogynistic society tells us it's a woman's job but really the men can do a damn fine job too.
They will be fine.
Focus on you and tell ex you are unwell, that you do love and want your children and right now it's best you get help that you simply cannot get while looking after them.

I don't know if this is a common saying but someone said this to me when I was struggling myself as a newly single mum (it's not comparable, I know )
If you were in a desert with your children and you came across enough food and water to sustain one of you for 2hrs - long enough to get to help, would you have it for yourself or give it to your child? You cannot share it.

My, and most people I've shared this with have the immediate reaction of well, my child obviously!
But, if your child falls from dehydration and cannot walk. You can carry them. If they lose the way. You (an adult with more sense, logic and knowledge) can guide them better than they can guide you.
If you fall, or become disoriented and lost, who will carry you?
Just something to mull over. I hope you "get" it. Look after yourself. You're best for them when you are well.
I wish you all the luck in the world op

I hope that by sending them to their dads you aren't taking a step closer towards your suicide pot.

Go and see you gp

It's nothing to do with not wanting them. You have realised to be the best mum you can be that you need to focus on getting yourself well and accessing the medical support you need.

Perhaps you could have the kids during the day at the weekend if your not up to overnights.

And telk your gp/support wrker about the painkillers and your pot

Go for it! The only thing I will say is make sure there's a good agreement in place so he can't keep the children from you and hands them back if you decide you want them full time again

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment. Do you have any real life support - family or friends that can support you over the bank holiday - it's not easy but please tell them what you have put in your thread.

A priority should then be to get another GP appointment on Tuesday - please tell them it is urgent - if necessary you will need to explain how you are feeling. Your mental health is very important and it is urgent that you get the correct medication. (It worries me that you are taking someone else's prescription painkillers).

With regards to the children - of course you should ask their dad to help while you are so low. Does he live nearby so you can still see them everyday? Are they used to staying with him? My only thought is that possibly the children are currently your only reason to get up in the morning and keep going all day. Would it possibly be better if they stayed but their dad cane in to help you regularly - take them out etc? Sorry I don't know your situation, relationship history etc but just trying to think about all the options.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment. Do you have any family or friends that can support you over the bank holiday - it's not easy but please tell them what you have put in your thread.

A priority should then be to get another GP appointment on Tuesday - please tell them it is urgent - if necessary you will need to explain how you are feeling. Your mental health is very important and it is urgent that you get the correct medication. (It worries me that you are taking someone else's prescription painkillers).

With regards to the children - of course you should ask their dad to help while you are so low. Does he live nearby so you can still see them everyday? Are they used to staying with him? My only thought is that possibly the children are currently your only reason to get up in the morning and keep going all day. Would it possibly be better if they stayed but their dad cane in to help you regularly - take them out etc? Sorry I don't know your situation, relationship history etc but just trying to think about all the options.

Sorry double posted!