To ask emetophobic parents how they cope??

[Ames33]

I am an emetophobe and have written about it on here many times. I am currently doing the Thrive programme, having hypnotherapy and CBT but just can't beat it! I have tried so many therapies and spent thousands, it's bloody ridiculous!
So my question:
How the fuck to you emetophobic parents cope when your kids go to school??
My DS starts school in a couple of weeks, and I'm in a constant state of anxiety about it! I can't enjoy the experience as I am so worried about all the sickness bugs he will pick up!
Logically I know he could get a bug from anywhere, and I know I have dealt with them in the past, but the anticipatory anxiety is just killing me!
Do they get vomit bugs lots at school? How do you cope when they do?
I'm a mess and have seriously considered leaving because I don't want pass this onto him, and I also don't want to feel like this anymore!
So as not to drip feed, he has been going to nursery, but they would always let me know if there was any sickness around and I just wouldn't send him in (not helpful behaviour I know!)
I know I need to get this sorted and am trying so please don't make me feel worse about this than I already do!

I think I may have suffered the same when I was a kid but somehow I am not too bad now. My kids haven't been too bad, they wash hands and aren't the type to cling on to other kids

Not saying kids are lurgy! I sound bad now!

My DS is 18 I've seen him be sick once, same as DD and my other DD I don't think she ever has and she's 12. Some children are just not sickly

I was an emetophobe due to the tendency of my body to join in if ppl were sick in my immediate vicinity, when I was a kid. Long journeys with my travel sick prone sibling were regular, and not fun.

I am still paranoid, but the fear has lessened purely by living through it. I've got 3 kids. We've had the entire family with norovirus at once, on more than one occasion. I put my 'mum head' on, and deal with everything as it happens, one moment at a time. I've learnt that these things pass. I've also learnt that as kids get older, sickness bugs don't tend to be as bad, and they tend to be better at being 'tidy' with it. I have a supply of buckets. Always. And waterproof sheets on the bed.

I used to be ultra paranoid about soft play (so many bugs! All over those balls!) and then school when kids were dropping like flies in winter. I'd make my kids strip their uniform off at the house door, wash their hands, and change. This did NOTHING to reduce the chance/amount of times they got bugs. I think kids need to get bugs to build their immune system.

We used to all get something at least once a year...now usually 1 or 2 kids get something each year, I've not had anything for a good few years now (was every fucking year, at least once for a few years).

I think the fear that it might happen, is often worse than the actual event.

I think it would be better if you didn't feel so dreadful beforehand. I haven't been sick for quite a few years but the last time, I started feeling off the previous afternoon then felt increasingly worse until I was eventually sick after a sleepless night. I am not phobic but I do get very anxious about getting bugs etc. Although not pleasant, when I was sick, it really wasn't that bad & I soon started to feel loads better.
I also think I've been better since having DD & she deals with it amazingly. Because she's so calm, I am calmer too.

I'm phobic too... It's awful and rules many of my daily decisions. But I have realised that no matter what I do to try to prevent my kids catching bugs, I really can't control it unless I keep them home all the time. As another pp said, for me it's the thought of being sick myself, although I'm totally grossed out by hearing or seeing anyone be sick for any reason. I can cope when I know it isn't contagious although I do struggle when my kids are sick (luckily not that frequent) as my first thought is about me not them! I usually opt to clear up the mess and leave my husband (of he's home) to look after the sick child. Although inevitably they want mum when ill!
The bugs have been no more frequent at school than at nursery. I have the thrive book too but really need to get the sessions with it as reading it alone won't be enough. I have had so many sleepless nights over this hideous phobia and it makes my IBS soooo much worse with all the anxiety. Just a horrible thing to cope with and a difficult fear to confront! Good luck x

I do worry about people being sick. If I'm at cinema, on bus etc. I don't worry about kids catching things

But I am very insistent on hand washing and good hygiene. I have little rituals. I help kids clear bedroom floor every night incase of vomiting. I have a bucket wih lid teatree oil for bottom of bucket, dustpan - can scoop so no touching, gloves, carpet cleaner - strong smelling special towels, and most importantly nose clip. Iv found kit helps me relax. The nose clip I keep next to my bed and put it on as soon as one of kids yells about sick or in hear them. Iv found if I can't smell it then it's not too bad

If one of my kids is sick. I wrap them in a bath towel and pop them in the bathroom with bucket while I clean up. Then pop child back to bed.

So I'm looking at at least once a year??
My nephews and niece who are 10 year old twins and a 6 year old have never had one between them!
I have hypno next week and am going to look at the DARE technique, every little helps!

Sorry but I don't know anyone else's kids who've avoided sickness bugs completely. 1/3 of my kids school was off at once, due to bugs last year (only generally a day of being ill, followed by 48 hours off afterwards). Your nephews etc must be unusual. If so fingers crossed it's genetic and in your blood line! Good luck with the hypnotherapy.

I think this thread is making me feel much worse 😱😭
I just don't think I can cope with it! What am I supposed to do???

Get therapy. Seriously.

If you have seen my previous posts on the thread you will see how many different therapies I have tried! I've literally spent thousands and tried everything!

Have you tried CBT?

Sorry, you've had that. I would try that again with a different counsellor.

My mum used to turn the music up to drown out the sound and let us clear ourselves up/ wait under my dad came home.
She hasn't been sick since 1976.

I don't understand how you stop yourself being sick.

It sounds flippant OP but you'll get through it and cope as there isn't another option.

I'm severely emetophobic - been on anxiety meds for 17 years, which helps me function day to day. I never had children, I was too afraid - so you are all doing better than me. Lucky the biological urge to procreate wasnt too strong in me huh.

I still struggle when there is talk of bugs, and I hate Christmas with a passion (bug season with everyone cooped up together talking about vomiting).

For me it's everything about it. Everything. Me and others. I have seriously considered suicide when I thought it was happening in my vicinity. I've had CBT, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, counselling, read self help books. Meh.

Billy, that's awful

OP if it helps my DC1 has been in school for 3 years and only had 2 sickness bugs. First one she was only sick once, second one several times but it only lasted a few hours. There have been many sickness bugs doing the rounds are school - she must be quite resistant I guess? Ironically the last, short-lived bug has left her with a fear of vomiting!

Do you have anyone who could take over if your DC was to fall sick with a bug? Bugs are short-lived so this person wouldn't have to help for long.

You might also find that when your child is actually ill your feelings are not as you expect and you can cope better than you think. I read you have tried many therapies,m was mindfulness one of them?

Dame, you'd be amazed - it's called vomit continence (I believe) and it's common in phobics. Although many of us won't say out loud how long it's been since. There is some science around it but I won't bore you.

I have, however, recently been reassured by people who have vomited after being afraid of it so long, saying that it wasn't that bad...

Sorry cross-posted Dame - thanks for being kind, I don't really deserve it!

OP, my SIL is phobic - I asked how she copes with the children, and she says instinct takes over and it's just like an extension of yourself. I suspect her phobia is only of others though, not herself, so not sure if that helps...?

My ds is 16 now but when he was at primary I was at my peak of emetophobia. My tips are

Do NOT interrogate your dc about sickness bugs doing the rounds. I used to ask ds sometimes and would then spend at least a week in a state of heightened anxiety. He realised not to tell me as he got older and most of the time the bugs came to nothing. Some children tend to be more sicky than others. Ds wasn't particularly sicky.

Get into the habit of all washing your hands the second you come in.

Speak to your gp about getting some anti sickness medication for you as a just in case. I have stemetil prescribed - a couple of packets in the house (and a blister pack in my handbag). The relief when I got these was immense. I stayed at a friends house miles away from where I love and her dd came down with a bug. So did I 2 days later but with the stemetil I wasnt actually sick.

I remember the awful out of control feeling when you realise you can't prevent the possibility of bugs. I hope my tips are useful

Get into the habit of all washing your hands the second you come in

I actually think that's a good routine to get into anyway, we've always done that.

I have anti sickness pills which are great. Also I think I have vomit continence! Problem is I won't let myself vomit so I am ill for longer!
I have read that kids don't actually need these bugs to build up immune system because you don't become immune to them.
I have coped when the inevitable has happened, and was really proud of myself. It's the waiting for it to happen that gets me. I actually listen to my DS's stomach every night while he is sleeping to see if it is gurgling etc, how messed up is that?!