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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH says I'm a mug

32 replies

Macaroni46 · 25/08/2017 18:56

I was lucky enough to be given a day at a spa as a gift from a grateful client. As I didn't fancy going by myself I changed the spa gift package from a single person's experience with 3 treatments to a day for two people with 2 treatments each so I could take a friend along for company. I was able to use the value of the gift package towards the double spa day but there was some extra to pay as there were now two of us. Let's say my vouchers were £150 and the extra was £100, (total for the day £250) we paid £50 each.
My friend and I split the extra cost 50/50 (she offered to pay the whole difference but I declined as I was already getting a treat and she doesn't have much money)
We've had a fab day today and I got back this evening all excited, invigorated, relaxed etc
DH then has a go at me saying my friend has taken advantage of me, she should've paid all of the extra and I'm a mug. I've told him it was my decision, my gift, my spa day, my friend etc and to please not spoil my experience by finding fault. We have argued as he basically thinks she's a free loader and now we're not speaking.
I'm so upset as it feels like he's trying to spoil the lovely memory of the experience I had and feel he has no right to question how we organised it. I earn my own money btw and pay equally towards all bills etc
So I wondered what other people think? Has my friend taken advantage of me or is my DH being a monumental knob?

OP posts:

Prusik · 25/08/2017 18:57

Surely if you offered then she's not freeloading? Is he jealous because he wanted to go?

ImperialBlether · 25/08/2017 18:58

Does he often try to spoil your fun?

Ellisandra · 25/08/2017 18:58

If you have a history of being taken advantage of by your friend or others, and he's really frustrated by it, I can see where he's coming from.

If not - he's being a dick.

Birdsgottafly · 25/08/2017 18:59

It was your decision to make.

Is he often resentful about you doing things just for you?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 25/08/2017 18:59

He sounds like a knob, does he often try to piss on your chips?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/08/2017 19:00

You were generous but given she was happy to pay I don't think she was taking the piss. He's being mean given that it's already happened.

BenLui · 25/08/2017 19:01

I would have done exactly the same as you I think.

Your visit to the spa was enhanced by her presence. She only went to please you.

If she doesn't have that much cash £100 might well have meant she couldn't go which would have spoiled the day for you.

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 25/08/2017 19:02

Yes he does sometimes seem to piss on my chips which is why I'm so upset because he's done it yet again
No, my friends do not have a history of taking advantage of me
I don't think he would've enjoyed if. Think he just gets morbid pleasure out of upsetting me :-(

OP posts:

tangledup123 · 25/08/2017 19:03

No, I think you did it fairly. It would have been a little rude to invite her along for company, then get all yours for free whilst she had to pay almost full price for her share.

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 25/08/2017 19:03

Apologies also for accidentally posting twice - not sure how that happened

OP posts:

Moanyoldcow · 25/08/2017 19:03

Is this a normal reaction?

Moanyoldcow · 25/08/2017 19:04

He get's pleasure out of upsetting you? What a vile man he sounds.

Gingernaut · 25/08/2017 19:06

So you both get a spa day worth about £250 for £50 each?

And she was happy to pay?

I don't understand. How does that make you a mug?

Papafran · 25/08/2017 19:08

He sounds like a massive knob. You both paid £50- you had been given the voucher for free in any case. Tell him to fuck off and that you don't meddle in his friendships, so he should stop meddling in yours.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 25/08/2017 19:08

No you were being fair. I would have considered it rude to have made her pay full price while you went for free tbh.

As a comparison a friend of mine recently went with her partner and two friends to a gig at Wembley. As friend and partner both have disabilities they obtained concession tickets meaning that they paid full price while their friends were essentially given carers tickets and went for free. The friends were going anyway as background.

Anyway, the fair way to have done that would have been for all four of them to have paid half price for the two tickets they'd paid full price for, but instead the two friends took advantage of the fact that they had carers tickets and didn't offer to pay a penny.

Now that was rude IMO.

19lottie82 · 25/08/2017 19:10

You did a nice thing. I would have done the same. Your DH is being a knob!

MrsMozart · 25/08/2017 19:10

Out of interest, why are you with someone who "takes morbid pleasure out of upsetting you?"

My OH would have been pleased I'd had a good time, as I would be for him if it were the other way round.

sassyavocado · 25/08/2017 19:12

You sound like a lovely friend op and not a mug at all. You said yourself you didn't want to go alone so probably wouldn't have gone anyway if it wasn't for you friend coming along. It sounds like you had a great time and made some nice memories. Why the fuck is he banging on about money?! It's not his money, so he's not entitled to any opinion on that one. Get yourself a nice glass of wine and enjoy your evening!

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 19:14

You did a nice thing - in return you had great company

Two way street nobody took advantage

Therealslimshady1 · 25/08/2017 19:23

You were being generous, which is a nice thing to be. You are only a mug if this happens a lot, and your friend only hangs around for the freebies (not the case)

Your husband is a bit of a dick for spoiling your fun, it also shows he is probably not a generous sort of person himself, maybe that is why he can't understand it.

Cookingongas · 25/08/2017 19:24

Yanbu. You're way was the fairest and regardless why is he shoving his oar in anyway?!

Even if you were a "mug" - you're not- then his haranguing would be after the fact only serving to hurt you. Had he given gentle advice beforehand that he felt she was freeloading, maybe take someone else etc, or made a mental note to talk to you another time about it, when the excited glow has worn- he had no right to rain on the parade of today!

I can't see his motivation beyond shitting on the chips

PoorYorick · 25/08/2017 19:27

I can't see how that makes you a mug or her a freeloader. I can see how it makes your husband a spiteful joy sucker.

Beadieeye · 25/08/2017 19:27

If he really thought you were a 'mug', he would be concerned, not use it as an excuse to argue and then not speak to you.
He's seen you've had a lovely time and is now tainting it to bring you down. I'm guessing he's jealous and resentful. What an absolute arsehole

cansu · 25/08/2017 19:42

I would have done exactly the same as you. It is much nicer to go with a friend and splitting the cost seems v fair as she is also going to keep you company and have a nice day. He is just being a tosser and trying to spoil your day. It is actually fuck all to do with him. I would probably tell him it is none of his business how I spend my money.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 25/08/2017 20:03

You went out and had a nice day, now you are being put in your place.

Next time you will think twice before you go out, you may decide it's not worth the agro.

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