Hi, I have posted previously about 9yo DD who for the last three years has had violent meltdowns daily, was/is suicidal and lots of other issues.
I was open minded about what was causing this in the beginning but after several posters suggesting it on my threads, and having met other parents with HFA girls who suggested my DD sounds very much like their DC, I have seriously considered ASD as a possibility. I have read around the subject and decided it was at least worth pushing for an assessment.
After several years of asking for help and being denied, the school got involved and we were finally accepted to CAMHS and have other professionals like a social worker. A couple of these professionals who have worked closely with DD have agreed that there appears to be an underlying condition.
We were given 8 sessions with a CAMHS worker, the first two being spent going over our story to date, one session with DD and one session with me. Initially they wanted to spend most of the sessions with me so I'm assuming they think it's a parenting issue.
I have been honest in saying that my relationship with DD is severely fractured but this is in response to her difficult behaviour and I don't feel it's the other way round as I was very close to her when these problems initially manifested. The CAMHS worker was initially saying that he thought my DD was mimicking the abusive behaviour she witnessed from XH and that we had an abuser/abusee relationship. This isn't something I agree with.
At the last session, he went through the Coventry criteria with me and I felt that DD ticked boxes in both categories, ie. it could be either. At the end he said that 'we are both in agreement that she presents more as an attachment disorder'. I don't actually agree, I felt is was 50/50 at most and much of the criteria centres around presentation in boys (if I've understood correctly about presentation often being different for girls) but I struggle to challenge professionals.
I didn't really understand attachment disorder so read up when I got home and I am very upset to find that it's caused by insufficient attachment to primary caregiver, abuse or trauma before the age of 3. Have I understood this right? If so, it really doesn't fit as I was a totally devoted mother and did absolutely everything for DD spending her first 4 years as a SAHM. XH was abusive but she didn't see much of this as we didn't live together until she was older.
In any event, I still feel it's worth at least ruling out ASD via assessment but they seem hell bent on finding fault with my parenting. I have two other DC with no issues except one has dyslexia and the other very likely dyspraxia which are apparently associated conditions. ASD also runs in my family. DD also has hypermobility which I've read is another associated condition.
What do I do when they simply do not take my concerns or opinion seriously? I am so sick and tired of being blamed for this 
. Or do they possibly have a point? Anyone any experience on this and can advise please?