To expect husband to stick to budget?

[lily88]

I'm currently on unpaid maternity leave and money is tighter than normal this month due to ds starting school and our car breaking down and having to pay out for repairs. We've a holiday booked and paid for in a few months time so spending money is also being saved. My husband has three nights out planned with his friends for various things all of equal importance . I suggested that I don't mind him going out but if he can stick to a strict budget and that goes for me too as I know my coffees on a daily basis do add up. He is not happy with this arrangement as he feels I'm basically holding the purse strings. On my maternity leave I've basically restructured our mortgage to make payments lower, consolidated all our debt into one loan and meal plan and budget weekly. I don't think IABU to ask him not to spend over x amount of money on his nights but just wondering if I am by his reaction?

If he set himself a reasonable budget that won't upset your saving plan there would be no need for you to "hold the purse strings"

I don't think he can manage that though. Often after a night out he opens his wallet and goes I thought I had a 20 in that or I must have lost it. He's great with money on a daily basis but he's a disaster with drink on him.

YANBU.
A marriage is a joint venture; if money is tight, you both take steps to manage it, together.
He needs to fulfil his responsibility just as much as you do.
(Imho he sounds a bit immature, sorry)

Hmm its tricky. Tell him that if he over spends it will effect food budget and then if he does make him live on beans on toast. Im half jok8ng just wondered if you could save money anywhere else that only affects him not you and dc. Seems a bit selfish.

YANBU
You are not saying don't go out you ate simply saying money is tight so to allow him to go on all 3 nights out he has to budget in the same way your whole family has had to over last few months. It's perfectly reasonable sounding to me!

I wouldn't be happy if my partner set me a budget for when I go out, I'm an adult not a child.

Yanbu, sounds as if you have been living a bit beyond your means anyway? Still it's tricky on Mat leave. If he is on board with the budget in general then would he agree to just take cash on a night out and leave his cards at home? To limit the damage?

YABU, if these three nights are the only nights he's going out.

He's bringing the money in, but it seems to be you telling him what he can or can't do.

We don't share bank accounts but do share money. It's perfectly reasonable to set a budget that's fair, regardless of whom earns what.

I would set a budget for the three nights out and you get the same for whatever you want (like coffees). If my oh spent it all on two nights then he wouldn't go on the third.

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable. In fact I think you are bearing too much of the responsibility, it shouldn't fall on you to deal with the mortgage, debt repayment plans and budgets alone and your DH should have actively participated in that. He has left you with no choice but to "hold the purse strings", I think it's rather childish and petulant of him to dispute the budget that he's left with once you have done all of the work required to set your finances straight. If he thinks it could have been handled better, he could have done it himself or at least helped you.

I think you need to be firm now and not allow him to undo the work you've done in getting your finances organised. Your DH needs to understand that if he overspends, the rest of the family has to cut back to allow for it so it's incredibly selfish. From your OP it sounds almost as if he feels like you're restricting him for the sake of it and being a kill joy.

YANBU. It isn't fair to see it as the wife holding the purse strings or telling the other how much they can spend.

OP, you are merely reporting the results of the maths! He wants to partake in all these activites; child, holiday, spending money, nights out. There is only so much money to go around so it has to be shared/ prioritiesed/ budgeted.

As Laundretta said its quite immature and selfish of him not to work with you and work with the maths.

I hope he realises he isn't being fair to you

Hmm difficult one.

Because it sounds like you are spending and havent cut down, but come up with this idea of a budget when he is going out.

It could come across as you just trying to restrict him and telling him you will budget better in future to make it sound fair. Like the budget is onky an issue when he spends.

Not sure if i have explained that well.