Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child maintenance shocker

57 replies

debbs77 · 25/08/2017 09:24

I've today received my first child maintenance payment (after 7 years!) Via the CMS collect and pay.

I know they take fees (20% from the later and 4% from the receiver) but I bought this was calculated before they give me the figure I'm told I will receive. But it's not! I've just got £60 less than I was expecting!

They told me the figure that was calculated. I've budgeted with this figure! And that £60 is a lot of difference.

AIBU to complain or won't it get me anywhere?

OP posts:
StrangeLookingParasite · 25/08/2017 16:16

You want to complain because you made the wrong calculation??!

I have no idea where you got this from.
Or was the thought of being able to have a go at someone so impossibly tempting that you didn't care how stupid or illogical you looked?
Isn't life tedious when you're always looking out for people to blame, whether they deserve it or not?

LurkingHusband · 25/08/2017 16:26

The problem of feckless fathers not paying or paying too little has been with society for decades, and it results in a more impoverished society altogether. Therefore, the problem of what to do about irresponsible adults who do not take their children's needs seriously is a problem that society as a whole needs to solve. That means each individual in that society needs to take some responsibility for the solution - we shall all be the richer for it, after all.

Rusty razor blades and no anaesthetic ?

Zaphodsotherhead · 25/08/2017 21:06

Ida - he doesn't own a house. He married a woman who is independently wealthy, who owns the house they live in. He himself has nothing but his (quite high earning) job.

I wish the powers that be would treat other debts like CM debt - ie, you can prevaricate, delay, just plain not-pay for years, and then they seem to forget about you. Might try that with the electricity company, see how they handle it...

Lucysky2017 · 26/08/2017 08:10

It's always felt a breach of rights to me - that the Big State takes on your debt and then never bothers to recover it. I think a huge amount of the old CSA debt was just written off. Surely it would be fairer to allow those parents to take back the right to sue in the courts for that debt.

debbs77 · 26/08/2017 09:29

So very very true.

And often, these parents not paying, are swanning about with new clothes, cars etc.

OP posts:
Janeismymiddlename · 26/08/2017 09:54

Yes, this is very much a societal responsibility which is ignored. Most is us know men (usually dad sometimes mum)who is open about the non-payment of maintenance which is accepted by family, friends, colleagues. I have never heard any such man openly criticised or challenged on his behaviour. Instead, the issue is pushed aside as personal, other people's business, there's probably more to it, mum earns a fortune so why should he pay.

The result is that single mums are blamed. You see it on this site all the time wrapped up as 'poor choices'. Victim blaming in all it's glory: you shouldn't have had a child with a man who (sometimes twenty years plus after getting together) wouldn't support his children. That a father doesn't support his children is somehow the absolute blame of the mother.

And so single mums must struggle to manage on their own. If they dare complain, well, you should have married a better man. If you choose part-time work or are stuck on minimum wage work, you are made to feel bottom of the pile, expecting others to bail you out. The others being the amazing tax payer who gets off their backside and works whilst you enjoy your poor choices. Same tax payers who know men who don't support their kids, who eat with them, sleep with them, socialise with them whilst casting a superior eye over the struggling ex. Single mums who manage, work full time, earn good money can expect to be told that they are neglecting their children, that relentlessly pursuing g a career is a bad thing, or are subjected to people gossiping about the fact you've been on holiday and how on earth can someone like her afford that?

Smoking, drink- driving. Excellent examples of how society can change its attitude and influence opinion. It is time we all refused to accept the abuse of children by one of their parents - because that is exactly what it is - and refused to have these men in our lives. Sadly, misogyny is alive and well, even amongst communities like this made up mainly of women. We are our own worst enemies, we really are.

TeenyW123 · 26/08/2017 09:55

The CSA contacted me a couple of weeks ago to say they were closing down the old systems and did I want them to continue to pursue the outstanding amount owed to me from exh.

It's for over £28,000.

They said if he continued to duck and dive they would have no recourse to recover it, same as before.

My son is 26 now, with number 3 on the way.

I said initially not to bother, but son said anything would help him and his family and to ask them to pursue it again.

I told him not to hold his breath, but have opened the claim again.

If it rattles exh's cage then that's all I can expect.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page