To have stopped contact with the dad. Long.

[OnlyGodKnowsWhy]

Back story: four children, divorced for 7 years. Ex had every weekend contact from Friday night to Monday morning and summer/Christmas holidays.

Ex assaulted two of my DC last year. Older DC told me and I reported to police. After six months of police and social work involvement, ex was convicted of assaulting one DC as a plea bargain.

Social work said I was a protecting factor for children so they were not put on at risk register and it was voluntary whether we worked with them or not. DC all still wanted to see their father and social work agreed so gradually contact was reintroduced.

Two weeks ago, my youngest DC whom is autistic, came back from contact upset. Youngest dc told me they didn't want to see their father anymore. I asked why and youngest DC told me they had been upset and sat on the floor in shopping centre, refusing to move. Youngest DC is 7 and does this when they are overwhelmed and close to meltdown. Ex tried to get DC moving but when they wouldn't, he picked DC up off the ground by the wrists and put DC over his shoulder. DC states their wrists and arms were sore and it hurt being put over the fathers shoulder.

I text ex regarding this and stated that neither the school nor myself have never had to resort to physically forcing DC to do anything, that it just distresses DC more and it wasn't acceptable to to handle DC like that. That DC needed to build trust in ex after assault and I would take steps to protect DC if ex cannot get help in learning how to handle DC.

Ex did not reply or try to get in touch for two weeks. Then yesterday called and asked for contact. On asking why he had not responded to text he stated he hadn't been happy with the text. I repeated that DC had asked not to see ex and that it wasn't acceptable. Ex insisted it was fine, not illegal, tried to say he picked up DC by his hands, that it hadn't hurt, that I was using the children against him and everything was my fault because I called the police when he first assaulted two of my DC. Then hung up.

As he won't accept he can't treat DC that way and I can't be sure DC will be safe, I have a residency order which ex did not contest and have made the hard decision to stop contact. This will upset the DC as regardless of what their father does, they love him anyways. I hate to upset them but I also can't have them being scared and hurt. AIBU?

It sounds like your ex has had plenty of chances and he has let your children down every time so I would agree that stopping contact is reasonable and in your children's best interests.
If they do really want to see him then supervised contact might be the best way forward.

I was very young when I met my ex. He is ten years older. I was also very damaged due to, unfortunately, very similar incidents that my DC have experienced. I'd had the four children before I was 25. Looking back, I guess I was so desperate for a warm, loving family, I tried to create my own. I can't make excuses because he was a heavy stoned from the word go but I was naive enough to listen to promises of stopping etc. We were married nine years and as I got older I became more and more unhappy. We argued a lot and I didn't know it at the time, but I think when we were together, I was the buffer for the DC. He would punch holes in walls, yell in my face and one night, he woke me up in the middle of the night, sat astride me and yelling, punching the bed all around me. I had to kick him off and run upstairs to lock myself in the bathroom. I ended the marriage the next day. I never ever thought he would hurt the DC though.

The more you update, the more I think it's really important that you don't let him hurt your children anymore.