To think that this can be normal 13 month old behaviour

[WhiteFeatherHeather]

My son is so naughty and I'm at my wits end. I'm literally on the brink of tears writing this but I'm not sure what else I can do.
He's 13 months old I work part time and he is with my DM when I work and DH is at work. Both DM and DH thibk it's normal 13 month old behaviour but I honestly think he is really naughty and I'm not sure how you discipline a 13 month old.

He will hit and nip ALOT, laughs if I tell him off, does naughty things for me to tell him off like tip the dogs biscuits over (he does this 10+ times a day if I'm not quick enough) He bites grown ups and other children and he seems to get angry really quickly. He has a drink and literally throws his up across the room if he's finished.
He's really bright and energetic and I love him whole heartedly I just feel like I'm cracking up and I could scream. no matter what I do to entertain him he just seems to always misbehave.
What can I do?

Title was supposed to say can't no can

I don't believe a child of this age is naughty. Your child is trying things out and seeing what happens. Tipping dog biscuits out is just playing. For goodness sake if you don't want them tipped out, move them.

I agree that at 13 months he's too little to be naughty. But he's still got to be shown disapproval when he does things that we all recognise as naughty. Move the dog biscuits. Try using a sterner voice. No smiling . No in really firm voice. (I'm no expert only what I've heard other folk say.)

He is a baby and is exploring what he can do. Move the biscuits. Take the cup away as soon as he has finished. Get him a teething ring to bite on and check for teeth coming through. He is not angry but cannot put into words what he wants.

He is doing things simply because he is able to. And seeking response of any kind. . Ignore and he will get bored. Babies aren't naughty just developing personality and talents!! Even naughty ones!!

I am hoestly fully prepared to be told I ABU and would be relieved if this is normal, a few friends have children around my sons age and they just never seem to behave like my son does.

Honestly, I'm horrified and completely bewildered that you are calling a 13 month old baby "naughty." A baby that age doesn't even have the capacity to be naughty. He's a BABY. He tips over the dogs biscuits repeatedly? No kidding! That's what babies do and how they learn. It's your fault for leaving them out where he can get to them! I implore you to educate yourself about developmental stages and get into a parenting class. I cringe to think how you are treating your son while trying to get him to stop "misbehaving."

Yes it is normal. They are investigating. They use their hands to throw, to tip, to squidge food, to drop things from high chairs and prams over and over again, to pull socks and hats off, to poke and prod things etc. They explore with their mouth to taste and feel.

I'm telling him NO firmly and TRYING to distract him with more games or toys or activities. Don't dare imply that I would mistreat my son from one post which I was asking for advice on!!!

Have a look at the what to expect website
www.whattoexpect.com/toddler-behavior-and-discipline-tips.aspx
it goes through month by month

I just feel like we do so much he loves messy play and soft play and i follow him and watch him like a hawk but I am constantly anxious that he will bite another child (he has before). Ofcourse he has teethers and things to chew on he has a chewbuddy on most of the time but he bites people alot!

Nobody would think you are mistreating your son in any way from what you've written. You are obviously wanting to do the best thing as a Mother which we all try to do. He has to be discouraged in some way from biting. But it's very common for little ones to bite. He is barely more than a baby after all.

I agree with pp that a 13 month old can not be naughty, he's a baby. Just stop and take a breath. Tipping dog biscuits over isn't the end of the world, you rushing over is probably what makes it exciting for him. Babies (and children) respond to that kind of attention, even when it isn't positive.

Totally normal, for some children. Others (generally those belonging to your friends unfortunately) are just little angels.

Don't think in terms of him being naughty. That supposes intentions that he just doesn't have yet.

Remember it is not just about him being able to understand "no". Understanding "no" is easy - having the self-control to obey it comes later for many kids. That's why you say no, they stop, then a moment later they're at it again - their desire to do whatever just overwhelms your instruction. And of course, they don't really understand the "big picture" behind the no anyway.

Baby proof stuff. Use distraction. Catch their hands as they're clouting you and show him how to stroke you repeating "gentle hands" every time. Actual discipline - like putting them down and moving away - save for the big things like biting you. If he bites other children you'll have to shadow him like a hawk for a few months. But its a phase and will pass.

biting needs to be stopped - the rest sounds fairly normal. It's how oyu deal with them that matters.
If he bites while you are holding him, then a very stern 'no' whlst making sure he is looking at you, out him on the floor (assuming it is safe) and walk away, or ignore. Don't look at him again for a minute or so. Similarly if he bites another child, remove him saying 'no' firmly and ignore for a minute.
I think it is possible that he is enjoying your reaction to his exploits as much as anything else. He thinks it's a game. If he tips the biscuit over, similar approach - say 'no' firmly, remove and give him something else to play with (if you really can't just move them).

I remember those days! They are exhausting and can be trying so I feel for you. Ignore the rude comments. My advice would be to remember there's light at the end of the tunnel and he is probably just curious (dog biscuits) and learning how to communicate and finding it frustrating (the quick to be angry) I'm sure you're going a brilliant job! 💐

Thankyou, and thankyou those who have posted with genuinely good advice ill definitely take it on board. I think I'm jist having a moment as we went for lunch today with a friend who has an 8 week old and she had a few comments about the way my son behaved which made me feel paranoid but really she probably has all of these fun and games to come!

I'm trying to adopt the mindset that babies (DS2 is 13 months) and toddlers (DS1 is 2.6) aren't naughty or badly behaved as they don't really have anything to benchmark their behaviour against.

I mean, as adults we know (or we should know!) how to behave in a restaurant, or soft play, or at the supermarket, or in the park. We know when it's home time, or dinner time, or when books are finished and it's tidy up time. We know all of this because we learned it. But little ones of such a young age have no previous learning to lead them to the appropriate behaviour for whatever situation they are in. And when they do start to learn (as DS1 is starting to now) then that's when they really act up and push the boundaries and do all the mad things toddlers do.

I try really hard to remain calm and remember this when it's all kicking off in my living room or *insert location as appropriate! I try and ignore bad behaviour or say that is not good behaviour followed up by some positive statement.

Example - whacking the TV with Jupiter from Fireman Sam toy is met with "DS1 that is not good behaviour. We play with our toys on the playmat." Takes toy and places it on play mat.
And I try desperately not to lose my shit because I've said it 45 times already today.

I think rather than focusing on the naughty things or the bad things that your DS is doing is try and remember he's very little and he's learning. And like everyone else has said - remove the biscuits, catch the cup, give powders or calpol for teething etc etc.

I really feel for you, it sounds absolutely exhausting! I'm sure it will get easier and he will move on to a new thing soon!

I don't think that a 13 month old can be naughty. I would move the biscuits as others said.

We have a 19 month old who pushes more boundaries with me than with my husband who has a great stern voice with him. That may be worth practising.

The biting and hitting would worry me but I am not sure how you stop it. My son has just started biting me and it is totally my fault as I taught him "1-2-3-4-5 once I caught a fish alive" and we finish with a bite. Again he only really bites me- not my husband with the stern voice.

Babies can't be naughty. Sounds totally normal to me. Just distract when having a tantrum and consistently say no when biting. They grow out of the biting anyway

You've had some really good advice on this thread so just wanted to say to hang in there

People are right when they say 13 month olds aren't really naughty, they're just looking for what happens when they do something and if the same thing or something else happens when they do it again. You'll see it in his eyes when he really starts doing things with planned evilness

The biting thing is so, so common, you'll crack it eventually. It's worth getting out the teething gels/painkillers if he's been particularly bad about it, my dd takes an age to show any physical signs of a tooth but she's definitely teething.

aquamarine are you for real? 'Horrified and bewildered?' My god The OP was asking for advice what a ridiculous response. For what it's worth OP, I remember mine being that age and they went through a phase like that. Just keep reiterating what's acceptable and lots of praise for good behaviour. You'll come out the other side

Pet foods (including biscuits) are not made to cleanliness standards which apply for people, they may have salmonella contamination. You need to keep him away from those dog biscuit s for his own good, aside from the hassle of him tipping them out:
www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2010/08/09/129082262/keep-kids-away-from-pet-s-food-to-cut-salmonella-risks

I'm not sure why a box of them would be kept where he can reach...if they're in a bowl which the dog eats from, thats even worse - please stop him touching any of it.
Maybe have a check round your home for things which are dangerous for him, and move them out of his reach? - they change quickly in the first 2 years, and you have to keep doing more to keep their environment safe.

My son was a bit like this and he would do things he knew I didn't want him to do just to get a reaction - I think he just enjoyed the attention whether it was negative or positive. Some little boys have so much energy and testosterone that the only way to manage them is to physically wear them out several times a day so I'd suggest getting him running around outside as much as possible to let off steam. Even in winter I would let mine play in the garden in his sandpit or making mud pies as he was like a wild animal indoors!
Good luck - I know how it feels - my friends with very placid children used to look on in astonishment at how unbelievably lively my son was. Unless you've had a high octane child it's hard to understand.