Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting to get the ball rolling? Or wanting to run away?

19 replies

Justblockthebitch · 24/08/2017 10:09

DP and I have been together over 5 years, couple of miscarriages and our fair share of turmoil, got engaged over a year ago and have tried to plan said wedding.
DP won't even talk to me about it.
He asked me when very drunk, he told me when looking at engagement rings I was "doing his head in" and even though he had a substantial amount of MY money in the bank could only afford a 25 quid ring which i hated and didnt want in the first place.
I have begged him to take me to his home country so many times and he's refused, then his uncle got sick and I begged him to go out to see his family but kept getting "What would I do out there? My family would tell me I rushed over for nothing", his uncle has since died and ive begged him to take me over since. Another aunt is sick and still he refuses to go over and see his family. Then claims it's causing him depression.
I have asked him to start planning wedding stuff, just looking at it but his reply is I can't as it's just one thing after another.
The day after my grandads funeral I had to get up and go with him and his mother to Tescos as she needed shopping.
I fell out with my mum and told him to block her, her refused and everytime he was trying to do an important test she would ring, as such I've lost my fertility treatment.
AIBU for wanting to call off the engagement?
If not leaving him altogether?

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 24/08/2017 10:14

I think you know the answer to both those questions. You seem fundamentally unsuited and it's good you are coming to realise that before you have children with him.
Cut your losses, move on and hopefully find someone more suited to you.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 24/08/2017 10:17

I don't understand the part about your mum phoning and causing you to lose your fertility treatment, but it doesn't matter, the rest speaks volumes - leave, don't look back. This is not the man for you.

Bishybarnybee · 24/08/2017 10:19

You sound like quite hard work TBH.

"I fell out with my mum and told him to block her......"

Why shouldn't you go to Tesco the day after your granddad's funeral?

And it doesn't seem that unreasonable to not travel abroad for a sick aunt or uncle.

GoldenOrb · 24/08/2017 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Justblockthebitch · 24/08/2017 10:34

Bishybarnybee My DM would not stip screaming insults about the pair of us and DP said he didnt want to hear from her, hence telling him to block her.
I didn't want to got to Tescos the day after my grandads funeral because I was the one who arranged the funeral and we'd taken his mother shopping a few days before hand, plus he was going why did it require both of us when he's the driver and speaks the same language as his mother but I don't?
I wanted and encouraged him and still do to go see his family abroad he's the one who refuses.
Yes I am hard work, I have a full on disability and still work full time. So require a little bit of extra help from time to time and some patience on a bad day, not being dragged out and forced to walk from one end of a high street to the other because fresh air will do you good.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justblockthebitch · 24/08/2017 10:42

The reason I lost the fertility treatment is because he needed to give 2 sperm samples and everytime, he was too busy, MY DM wouldn't stop calling, he was meant to have done these and sorted it by the beginning of August.
He refused to do this previously, and I had to cancel treatment last year.

OP posts:
Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 24/08/2017 10:42

He doesn't want to marry you,he had not done his part for fertility treatment (sorry,a few phone calls shouldn't stop him,it's not as if producing sperm for a test is that time sensitive).
Why are you with him?Why are you doing so much for everyone,why is your money in his account?

Whosthemummynow · 24/08/2017 10:45

You seem to do alot of begging.

Stop.
LTB

Original poster
Justblockthebitch · 24/08/2017 10:45

My money was in his account as it was a secret account and I didn't want to be able to access my inheritance instantly, I thought if it was out of reach it would be better

OP posts:
grandOlejukeofYork · 24/08/2017 10:48

You have an odd way of looking at things.
It's not your mothers fault you aren't getting fertility treatment, it's his, he doesn't want to do it.
Nobody can make you go shopping if you don't want to, you just don't go.
He doesn't want to marry you. He doesn't want to take you to his country. He doesn't want to have fertility treatment. He's not interested in any of it.
Don't you know all this already?

BeepBeepMOVE · 24/08/2017 10:49

You really don't sound like you are in a good relationship. Wheres the teamwork? Why would you be trying to bring a child into this?

£25 ring Sad

5 years. He doesn't want to marry you.

BeepBeepMOVE · 24/08/2017 10:50

Also if he can't find time to walk into a cup then he doesn't want a baby.

Zvandelle · 24/08/2017 10:51

Much sympathy to you. Get your money back and leave. Sounds like you are living in a drama, doing you no good at all, and maybe bringing a child into this would not be a good idea? Children tend to intensify existing problems, and never cure them. You are worth more than this mess. Please just think about that for a second. I wish you all the best in moving forward, that's what you have to do to be happy, I reckon.

Happytobefree17 · 24/08/2017 10:51

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time OP.

Really, relationships shouldn't be this hard. Yes, every relationship takes work but this sounds very one sided and your partner sounds like he is coasting along while you do the heavy lifting.

Can you take a step back for a while and see how you feel then?

Committing to this relationship is a terrible idea.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 24/08/2017 10:52

You aren't suited and he doesn't want to marry you. Best to end it now.

And for god sakes get your money out of his account and into a savings account of your own.

ladystarkers · 24/08/2017 10:55

You know the answer. If he does go through with the marriage, its doomed.

Member652554 · 24/08/2017 10:55

He doesn't sound keen enough and you sound too keen . Why do you care so much about going abroad for his sick uncles and aunts?

I come from a big family but would never go abroad for sick uncles or aunts.

Does he really want to marry you?
Does he really want to have children with you?
Does he really want to introduce you to his extended family?
Why does he have YOUR money in his account?

Is this anything to do with immigration? (Really sorry if its not - but a few things within your post sound familiar)

Member652554 · 24/08/2017 11:02

Just read your comment about the money being your inheritance......oh dear .

I am a bit worried about you here Op.

  1. You say you have a disability and rely on some help on bad days
  2. your relationship sounds unhealthy
  3. this man seems to have control of your money and doesn't want to spend it on you.( £25,- on an engagement ring? From your own money ? Come on) 4 ) the man is demonstrating no commitment to you
  4. I wonder how he treats you in general, are you treated with dignity and respect and included in decision making?
Member652554 · 24/08/2017 11:02

Just read your comment about the money being your inheritance......oh dear .

I am a bit worried about you here Op.

  1. You say you have a disability and rely on some help on bad days
  2. your relationship sounds unhealthy
  3. this man seems to have control of your money and doesn't want to spend it on you.( £25,- on an engagement ring? From your own money ? Come on) 4 ) the man is demonstrating no commitment to you
  4. I wonder how he treats you in general, are you treated with dignity and respect and included in decision making?
New posts on this thread. Refresh page