Time out corner-aibu?

11 replies

JurassicAlex · 24/08/2017 07:44

Totally ready to be told I'm BU. With DD (2 1/2) me and DH have started using time outs. We tried the naughty chair.... she throws it. We dont have a stairs in our house so have started using the corner for a time out. We make her face in for 2 minutes , simply because when she's facing out she's pulling faces at her sister and not taking it seriously. We then do the whole explaining why she was put there and saying sorry etc. It works well for us personally. My MIL saw DH doing this with DD last week and has phoned me in tears saying that it is "abuse... humiliating..." and she considered phoning SS If we don't stop 😱😱 says it will never be allowed in her house as it's cruel. This is coming from the woman who used a wooden spoon(!) she never punishes DD, she gets away with blue murder in their house and I'm starting to wonder if it's to do with the fact she doesn't like her precious GD being told off.
AIBU or is MIL?

OP posts:

Booboobooboo84 · 24/08/2017 07:45

I think that's totally fine as long as it isn't for an extended period of time. Ask your dmil if you should twat her with a wooden spoon instead

missyB1 · 24/08/2017 07:51

Your Mil can mind her own business! Well done to you for laying down some boundaries and helping your dd to know what's expected of her. . I used time out from 2 years with my ds and faced criticism for it, but it worked well and I'm glad I did it. Children need to know there are consequences because society and life contain consequences.

Explain to your MIl that what she used to do would certainly be considered abusive now, but time out is a much gentler form of discipline. Also as the child gets older time out can be used as "reflection time" which is actually very constructive.

MarcelineTheVampire · 24/08/2017 07:56

I'm not a fan of time outs- prefer time ins (sit by you or take them to a quiet place to calm down) but I'm only 2 years in so that may change and each to their own.

However, it is in no way abuse and your MIL is being ridiculous - as pp suggested ask her if you should beat them with a wooden spoon instead.

Original poster

JurassicAlex · 24/08/2017 08:01

The thing is as well it never ends up being the full "two minutes" just long enough for her to calm down. DH said it was only about 30 seconds and MIL was in tears. MIL seems to think that there's some psychological damaging thing about the corner itself ... but we just see it as another "place" for a time out.

OP posts:

BorisTrumpsHair · 24/08/2017 08:01

Time out, time in it's pretty much the same thing. Gives the child time to calm down, compose themselves, and think about what has happened.

I've used it very successfully.

Your MIL is a dick. Perhaps she is horrified she resorted to bashing kids with wood and never thought of this simple and effective non violent method, and she is projecting?

Mrscropley · 24/08/2017 08:03

I wouldn't be letting mil have her unsupervised if it means your dd has no consistency. .

You be the baddy and gm be the goody isn't a good routine.

Original poster

JurassicAlex · 24/08/2017 08:18

TBH this is only the tip of the iceberg in where our parenting differs ... we don't allow DD fizzy drinks or chocolate, sweets etc on a regular basis just as treats but at MILs she gets them on request. We aren't raising DDs in a religion we're letting them choose when they are old enough to decide. Cue biblical literature and stories of hellfire and brimstone. She will not take instruction at all. MIL is our childcare provider three days a week but fear we might have to look elsewhere before it get worse. DD(2) is 9 months so she'll be next 😱

OP posts:

BorisTrumpsHair · 24/08/2017 08:19

Yes you need to find a good childminder.

MaisyPops · 24/08/2017 08:21

MIL is our childcare provider three days a week but fear we might have to look elsewhere before it get worse.
Find new childcare.
She's overstepping her role as grandparent massively.

WhooooAmI24601 · 24/08/2017 08:25

Oh my MIL cries whenever she hears me tell off or reprimand the DCs. I've become a bit cynical about it and have learned to ignore her.

You have to ignore it and decide if you want this woman to have unsupervised contact with a child she has no plans to put boundaries in place or rules. Boundaries and rules help children regulate themselves, keep them safe and help them know how far they can go. I'd rethink allowing that much time with anyone who would let a child rule the roost because she'll likely come home to you and push the boundaries even more than usual.

Booboobooboo84 · 24/08/2017 09:36

You definitely need to explore your childcare options, your dc deserve consistency and to grow up as well rounded individuals.

Flip