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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to euthanize my FIL's dog?

27 replies

olebiscuitbarrel · 23/08/2017 23:57

It's a 15 year old border collie which was run over 7 years ago and therefore has terrible arthritis in her legs. (The operation required shaving down the bones and she hasn't walked properly since. She needed a lot of hydrotherapy and at the time it happpend the vet was 50/50 on whether she should be put down).

She's on constant painkillers and a few weeks ago got an infection from which she hasn't recovered. One foreleg is almost down to the bone and needs daily bandaging.

She can no longer go on walks, can't get up, wets herself constantly and is clearly permanently distressed & irritated. She's been growling and snapping at the D.C. if they walk too near her.

MIL is fed up. 2 vets have told FIL she should be put down including the one who has known her since she was a puppy.

FIL refuses to entertain it & hopes she is going to get better, despite the fact that the vet said she had muscle wastage which she won't recover.

I am a dog lover and it's making me really angry. I brought it up with him tonight and he refused to talk about it, saying he doesn't want to think about it & she'll hopefully get better.

The dog can't get up unassisted, she barks all the time to try & alert them to what she wants, FIL is grumpy with the DC, including my 2 year old DS & soothed the dog when she snapped at him & told him off (though he'd done nothing) & the situation is giving me the rage.

MIL can't drive & they live in a v rural place where the vet won't travel & she wouldn't put the dog down behind his back. I guess there's nothing that can be done?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 24/08/2017 00:01

If you think the dog is really suffering , which it sounds like , you could report them to the RSPCA , the fact that he's getting it veterinary treatment won't make any difference if you are still causing unnecessary suffering . ( I doubt he'd speak to you again though )

LineysRun · 24/08/2017 00:05

Of course a vet will travel to a rural place. How do you think sheep farms and small holdings cope? You need to start ringing vets and finding one who will attend.

Original poster
olebiscuitbarrel · 24/08/2017 00:20

@LineysRun They live on a smallholding. It's up a 2 mile unmaintained track.

They don't have much money but MIL, despite hating having to spend all day clearing up dog urine & washing the dog bed, won't do it behind FIL's back. He loves that dog as much as his own children. He even called her by his DD's name by accident yesterday! Grin

I really understand it but for me part of being a responsible dog owner is knowing when to let go. (I have a dog too & have had them all my life). The poor dog is constantly whining and panting in distress and has no quality of life.

MIL knows that FIL won't forgive her if she has the vet come out while he's not there.

OP posts:
Original poster
olebiscuitbarrel · 24/08/2017 00:22

There's literally only one vet practice in the town 7 miles away & both vets there suggested she ought to be put down. Vets don't usually suggest that for the sake of.

OP posts:
MiansyMoo · 24/08/2017 00:24

If the dog is suffering, you would not be unreasonable. Not at all.

I'm sorry about the dog, but you sound like you have the dogs best interests at heart. Difficult situation, but the dog needs a dignified death, not having a prolonged, painful life. Especially if the vet has suggested euthanasia already.

gamerchick · 24/08/2017 00:24

Maybe it's time he took over the clearing up?

Poor thing, that's no life.

choochooo · 24/08/2017 07:25

The dog's welfare needs to be considered by your dad. He's not being fair if the dog is suffering.

It is so hard to accept when your beloved pet is at the point where it would be kindest to let them go. I would suggest a vet visit where your father can hear again first hand that the dog needs to be euthanised to prevent further suffering.

There are support leaflets produced by animal charities to help people through this. I'll see if I can find links. He unfortunately does need to face up to this decision as to continue to let the dog suffer is a breach of the animal welfare act. I wouldn't go as far as getting RSPCA involved as the dog has you to act if needed. You are fully aware of what has to happen and you are very conscientious and brave to be challenging your dad on this. Big hugs OP.

If your dad will not agree then I do think it will need to be someone else who takes the step to help this poor dog.

choochooo · 24/08/2017 07:28

https://www.pdsa.org.uk/get-involved/remembering-pets/dealing-with-grief

I hope these help Flowers

StealthPolarBear · 24/08/2017 07:29

Any chance even though he told you he didn't want to think about it, he actually is?

Original poster
olebiscuitbarrel · 24/08/2017 14:07

That's helpful choochoo thank you Flowers

The answer to several of those questions is yes. We have been staying with FIL & MIL this week (they live a long way away) and as we left today, I was struck by what a poor condition the dog is in.

She can't get up unassisted from the kitchen floor, though she can on grass, and watching ger walk is painful. She's dragging her legs behind her. She's put on a lot of weight and MIL is worried that the dosage of Metacam (the painkiller) will be wrong as a result & that she won't be getting enough.

The dog also has a fatty cyst on her middle. MIL said the kind vet said it was time to stop, but FIL said "oh let's just give her a chance". He genuinely thinks and hopes she might get better. MIL is getting resentful (though she loves the dog too) because she sees FIL putting the dog before everyone and anything else and it's her doing all the clearing up, because FIL won't get round to it & you can't leave dog urine to fester.

We were talking about it & yet when FIL came into the room, she went quiet because she knows that telling him to get the dog put down will cause a huge row & resentment. Basically he has to come to the decision himself but he's so stubborn he won't. He thought it was unnecessary when I had my last dog put to sleep and made me feel like Cruella, saying "they like to live like we do"! My dog had a similar issue, he was bowel incontinent, couldn't get up and couldn't balance without shaking and falling over. Sad The vet said it was time & that he had nerve damage which would get progressively worse & be distressing for both him & the DC to witness.

Sorry rambling. It's just made me upset and angry. I'll send MIL that checklist or post it to FIL.

OP posts:
NeilTheSloth · 24/08/2017 14:23

she sees FIL putting the dog before everyone and anything else

I think your MIL (or you) need to try to convey to your FIL, that actually he is putting HIMSELF before everything, including his dog.

I hope he sees sense soon OP, I imagine it has been horrible for you all to see the little mite like this.

CornflakeHomunculus · 24/08/2017 14:30

I'm not sure if it'll help but this is a guide to assessing a dog's quality of life devised by a very highly respected veterinary oncologist.

Original poster
olebiscuitbarrel · 24/08/2017 14:37

When the dog snapped at DS yesterday, DH said to his dad that 'if she bites my son I'll have her put down'. She went for him & he was literally only walking past her. We had to keep the children out of her way. We have a Goldie and they know how to behave around dogs, but she's so irritable she can't cope being with them in the same room. She's never been comfortable with children but has got progressively more grouchy.

I'm going to refuse to bring them while she's still here.

OP posts:
cluelessnewmum · 24/08/2017 14:39

I don't know much about this so this may not be helpful, but could the dog be put in a high dose of morphine that would relieve the pain but also eventually cause it to pass away? I believe old people are given high doses of morphine when terminally ill even though it shortens life?

It might be worth ringing both vets to see if there are any alternatives, at least if the drugs are a higher dose it's not in pain. It would also be helpful to know whether it could carry on in this state for a while (ie a a year) vs a few weeks (not that it should suffer any longer obviously)? If it is the former where it could still live a while I'd be tempted to take it myself and live with the wrath of my dad as I wouldn't want it on my conscience.

IWantABlueBanana · 24/08/2017 16:02

I had this issue with my dm's dog, it was awful but i eventually had to tell her if she didnt call the vet out to pts then i would.

She was following her heart, not her head, but she did do it the next day.

5rivers7hills · 24/08/2017 16:05

If he loved the dog he would let it suffer like that. He's selfish and cruel.

Original poster
olebiscuitbarrel · 24/08/2017 16:28

He's in denial. He thinks her suffering is temporary and is minimizing the extent of it. As the dog sometimes seems interested in what they are doing and has improved slightly from when the infection was raging, he feels justified.

When he said he wasn't thinking about it, it was the truth, because he won't entertain the thought of having her put to sleep. He wants her to die naturally in her own good time. He's never had a dog before despite wanting one for the whole of his life, so has not been faced with this decision. Doesn't help that he's 75 & MIL not keen to take on another dog.

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 24/08/2017 16:36

Poor dog. Your fil needs it spelled out to him, preferably by his vet, just how much the poor animal will be suffering. Get the RSPCA/SSPCA involved if necessary. The inspectors will go out to see him and chat to him, they will be pleasant and gentle, but hopefully they can make him see that it is a welfare issue. As a vet, I've had to do this a couple of times, when people just don't want to see the truth Sad. After 15 years of loyal service, the dog deserves not to suffer just because of his selfishness. Good luck

Distractotron · 24/08/2017 21:22

We had our 16yr old collie pts two weeks ago. His mobility was poor, he was occasionally incontinent, but most worrying were his lipomas which were pushing his legs outwards. We worried that his legs would dislocate and that we would be out and he would be in pain until we got home. He struggled to stand and to lie down. He wasn't snapping but if he had been we would have taken it as a sign that he was in pain, as it wasn't how he usually was. We chose to send him to sleep before he had to go through any real pain. It sounds like your dad's dog has had enough. Yanbu to think it would be better off pts. Poor old dog. Hope your dad sees sense soon.

BakedBeans47 · 24/08/2017 21:34

Not BU. What an absolute bloody shame for that poor dog. No wonder she's snappy, she's probably in pain all the time :(

Can your partner talk sense into his dad? I know he's only doing it because he loves his dog and is in denial, but he's being cruel and selfish x

Seeingadistance · 24/08/2017 21:35

This is so upsetting to read. The poor dog is undoubtedly in pain, and probably has been for some time.

Please, arrange get your MIL to arrange for the vet to visit with the aim of not leaving until the poor dog is put to sleep. Vets travel long distances on rough, unmade roads to get to farms and small holdings. It's part and parcel of rural life. Maybe you could contact the vet yourself for a chat about the situation.

Poor dog.

IWantABlueBanana · 25/08/2017 21:42

I agree with platypus, get 'specialists' on board if fil wont reason. It IS cruel, you know that, and unfortunately he needs to realise that too.

SeasideBay · 25/08/2017 21:55

I am pretty sure that a vet can euthanise an animal without the owners consent if it is deemed to be unnecessarily suffering. Perhaps if you can get a vet to their house then this can happen? It sounds awful 😐

Snausage · 25/08/2017 22:07

It sounds as if your FIL is in denial. My guess is that he will come round sooner rather than later. He's not trying to be selfish, it sounds as if he's terrified of losing his best friend.