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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about DH parenting duties when home from working away

15 replies

user1471546851 · 23/08/2017 22:53

DH works away Monday to Friday (contractor so moves all around uk)
We have two young DS'S 3 and 1 I work 2days a weeks and DM has boys for me to do so.
Both DS'S don't sleep well atall! So I am up 3/4 times a night plus up at 5.30-6 am every weekday I do all household chores take care of children plus work the 2days

DH wakes around 6.30 am weekdays works 7am- 6pm then back to his hotel to do as he pleases usually involves early night or going out for tea and a pint! I also do all his washing and packing when he gets home and still do most of the household chores on weekend.

So aibu that on weekend (Friday night and Saturday night not Sunday as he leaves at 4 am on monday) that I should get the lay in Saturday and Sunday morning whilst he gets up with kids and also that he does some of the night time wakes?

I don't know if Iabu but DH thinks we should split it on weekend as he never gets a lay in otherwise wich i suppose is true?

TIA

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 23/08/2017 22:56

Why on earth do you pack for him?! Shock

I neee to go and get my head around that before I can even think about what's fair about lie ins!

firawla · 23/08/2017 23:01

I would say split it, but he could meet you in the middle with one week split then one week all your lie in and so on. So you get 75% lie ins as you need more but still he can't say he never gets it? That's if he will actually follow through with it though, not one of those who says yes I'll get up in a few minutes and then never does, like my dh!

Original poster
user1471546851 · 23/08/2017 23:03

I have no idea tbh!
I think that's just force of habit because I hate mess and washing laying around and he'd leave it all there till 10pm Sunday night then decide to do it .
He would do it himself if i left it it's just habit

OP posts:
Solasum · 23/08/2017 23:04

Could he choose to work 8-7 instead? If so, you should get the lie ins at the weekend.

He is also an adult and therefore should do his own washing and get himself ready for the week, as well as doing the bulk of childcare when he is around to give you a break. He has 4 evenings off every week, with no responsibility for anyone apart from himself. Do you get any time off (being at work Doesn't count)?

PlaymobilPirate · 23/08/2017 23:06

I'd say split the lie ins but he do the nights when he's home.

You're both working hard - and both deserve a lie in.

If your mum is in good health could she do an overnighter sometimes? So if she has the kids, say, Monday and Tuesday whilst you work could she keep them overnight once a month on the Monday?

My friend's mum does this every week for them!

YogiYoni · 23/08/2017 23:07

By contrast, my DH works away two nights per week. Every morning he's here he does the 'get ups', except on (very rare!) occasions when I get up to allow him a lie in. He also does half the bedtimes that he's here, at least half the housework and ALL of his own packing (wtf?!)

I hope that helps your case with DH!

Original poster
user1471546851 · 23/08/2017 23:13

My mum's in good health but her and my dad work aswell shifts so I wouldn't ask her to have them over night in the week.. she does have them once a month overnight at weekends for us to go out/ lay in morning she also has them for a few hours 1 day a week for me to have a break catch up on housework /appointments etc.
When he's home he is a fantastic dad it's just this lay in debate keeps coming up!

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 23/08/2017 23:14

Splitting the lie ins seems very fair here. He's hardly skiving through the week with 11 hour working day. So the days you're both there should be split.

He should share the chores at weekend though, that seems fair.

FuckYouLinda · 23/08/2017 23:18

Split the lie in days. It's not fair that he never ever gets a lie in and you get two a week every week.

The rest of the household stuff, even it up between you.

Original poster
user1471546851 · 23/08/2017 23:24

Thanks for all your replies!
I think I should probably split lay ins with him incase he turns into a zombie Grin
And kick his backside into doing more household stuff and stop being a fussy cow about them

OP posts:
glitterlips1 · 23/08/2017 23:39

I would split the lie ins. I don't see anything wrong in washing your husbands clothes but I probably wouldn't even consider doing the packing.

Nuttynoo · 24/08/2017 06:56

I commute for a similar travel around the UK job - wake up at 4am everyday and rarely if ever stay the night (only when I go to Scotland). Your DH sounds weak to be honest.

Frouby · 24/08/2017 07:12

Dp is a contractor too. When he works away we split the lie ins. In fact we split them when he works at home too.

I do his washing with the rest of the household stuff. But he unpacks and repacks himself.

Am quiet jealous of you getting the bed to yourself all week. Dp hasnt worked away for a few years.

I love it when he does 😁

PennyTentiary · 24/08/2017 07:44

I'd split the lay ins and stop mothering him as well!

NotAgainYoda · 24/08/2017 07:49

It's lie in

Agree, that you need to stop organising his stuff for him

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