To just give up

[Sparklyfrog]

That's it really - really struggling to stay positive and think I'm really low again. Have a son with SEN who has been happy to stay at home last week or so but I have barely moved from the sofa. Garden is overgrown, need to hoover and change cat litter but can't get the motivation to do it.
Saying son is happy - he's not really but not got the money to take him out and he's just called me a fucking cow which upset me so much that I said I wasn't going to take him away next week.... he doesn't care.
Can't get a GP appointment for love nor money - will try again in the morning but know he's going to put me back on meds I stopped.

Just so so fed up and lonely. I wish I had a better relationship with my son

It all sounds like it's got overwhelming.

Is being on medication awful? Side-effects? Or you just don't like the idea of it? Can you go and get an emergency doctors appointment (please). Is there anyone else about to help out? Or to go out and meet for a coffee? Feeling lonely eats into everything, and if there's anyone you can meet with, then it's a little chance for a mental boost.

Can you do one thing a day? Just one thing from your list? To make yourself feel like you're doing something useful, and to get stuff done before it piles up. I hear this btw, I constantly feel like I'm battling a tide of jobs and mess.

With your son - if YOU feel better, then your relationship with him will be able to improve too. Please focus on yourself first - the rest will follow along.

I'm still on one medication but I stopped a second that I didn't think was helping... rethinking that now. I know I should have discussed it with someone first but I couldn't get a GP appointment and no one from MH follows me up. I don't get side effects though I have put a lot of weight on which is making me feel even worse.

I know if I could just get on top of the cleaning I would feel better but I just sit all day. I honestly have lost all motivation. I am doing some voluntary work and went for a job interview today (which didn't go well) but came home and wasted rest of day.

Son has just been down and apologised. I just wish I could get him see the damage it causes

So today you DID do something - the interview was a big deal, regardless of how you think it went; it's mentally tiring. Congrats on the interview btw. The voluntary works sounds like a v good idea - what is it?

Can you do one house thing every morning? I usually wash up all the dishes and out a wash on first thing, mainly because I've not done it the night before (omg!) and it makes me feel better to get something done.

I wonder if you're having a reaction to stopping a medication? It can take a while for you to feel ok after stopping, and might suggest that you still need it (even on a smaller dose?). You will, unfortunately, need to be proactive and pushy here about seeing someone from GP or MH to discuss this. Don't feel bad about requesting an emergency appointment - mental health is just as important as physical.

I am doing some analysis for a charity - it's keeping my brain active but my confidence is so low I keep thinking that I'm doing a bad job.

I really hate feeling like this - I was really unwell with my MH earlier in the year and thought I was over the worst but this school holiday has been really tough... my son has been really difficult too. I just want a job - something for me but struggling to be successful and crippled by low self esteem.

I am managing the washing up and washing ok - my house smells musty though as need to sort out beds, Hoover, cat litter, clean toilets

I think you are wise to go and see your GP

Maybe have a look at the flylady threads if you need some motivation to sort the house

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/housekeeping/2993939-Fledglings-are-raucous-in-August-the-Flylady-thread

I sometimes just set a timer for 15 minutes and blast through as much as possible, you can do a surprising amount.

You're doing better than you think... Youve already got through a very tough time this year, good for you.

School holidays ARE a drain. (Ignore anyone who claims otherwise). Your routine goes out of the window (really hard for some kids with SN), and the expectation to be having a wonderful, memory-making time is high.

The voluntary work that you're doing sounds v valuable, and good to have on your CV. Also good that you're getting to interview stage - regardless of how you think it went, it's got to be a plus for your self-esteem. I wonder if you've been in touch with your local kind? They do
some really good stuff about getting into work, and managing self-esteem/anxiety about applying and interviews.

Thanks - had a look at the thread and 15 mins is doable. I keep hoping I'll wake up with renewed vigour but that's not likely so being more realistic is sensible.

I haven't been to mind but only because they don't have much locally. I have been turned down for all sorts of support so resolved to get by with just GP support. I just need these holidays to be over - worried about money and lonely - it's really negative. Lack of routine is definitely an issue