Stranger asked if I'm 'practising' for children

[LG93]

Was at a BBQ for my friends birthday at the weekend. I was talking to a friend of hers who I'd not met before. Her uncle came over and joined in. Was asking if I was married, I said yes. Asked if I had children. I said no. (We're currently ttc so I don't like this question anyway but that's likely as it's a sensitive topic currently) then he asked if we were practicing conceiving?! I just sort of stared at him until he changed the subject (to the other lady: 'well you must have kids already' - she didn't.)

He seemed a nice guy other than that but aibu to think it's weird to ask a stranger (who is young enough to be your daughter) about her sex life?!

"He seemed a nice guy other than that but aibu to think it's weird to ask a stranger (who is young enough to be your daughter) about her sex life?!"

How does anyone rate these men as "nice guys"? They are absolute arseholes that manage to be jovial.

It wasnt meant in a rude way at all! It was intended to be lighthearted, so I apologise if I have offended or upset you Bertie

My poor sister had a very traumatic and distressing experience of trying to conceive and then, during tests carried out during that time, discovered she had cancer, the treatment for which rendered her completely infertile. She was suicidal over this at this. During her darkest times, people who didn't know her asking her questions about having kids or engaging in 'banter' about 'getting a move on' with having a baby absolutely devastated her. She could barely see a baby on TV without crying during this time, so people saying things like 'Haha, when are you going to get your arse in gear and get pregnant then? Time's ticking away you know, haha' was just unbearable for her to hear.

People really are incredibly fucking thoughtless about this sort of thing.

I am in no way defending the bloke, he sounds unhingecreepy, idiotic and and totally lacking in appropriate boundaries.

But something that could be worth thinking of is that people brought up to have manners rather than understand boundaries or empathy, often lack understanding of why one does something. So "never discuss sex, politics or religion" - an absolute shibboleth of my parents' generation - now a bit outdated as social mores have changed. However, many people who have been through that change now don't actualy clock that the reason you don't discuss things held closely like religion or sex is that it is intrusive and violates acceptable boundaries. They seem to just think that sticking to acceptable topics of conversation is another of these manners things like napkin rings that have gone out of fashion.

The other thing to think about is the level of sexism and objectification that used to be regarded as acceptable. A comment like the one made to the OP might have been a bit "naughty" but certainly wouldn't have been seen as creepy or unacceptable in the 1960s

I am not saying this is characteristic of everyone of that generation. I am not saying everyone of that generation values manners over empathy and appropriate boundaries, at all. However, some people who were brought up with strict codes of behaviour based on manners rather than understanding the reasons for social codes, might just be quite clueless as to how to behave when manners seem to have changed.

I'd still think it's incumbent on those people to move with the times though. Even though I know far too many who haven't.

Pyongyang - you're fine, no worries!

People are weird and insensitive. A woman came and stood by me, in the bus station, this afternoon, beause she wanted to give me hope for my autistic DS. Ignoring that she'd missed that I had 2 of them, but one masks much better, I didn't have the heart to explain to her that the slightly weary look that she'd notice on my face was because i was busting for a piss and my bus was late, so I was concentrating on my keigels while robotically responding to DS's babbling about fucking motorways!

I'm desperate to have a baby but for health reasons and practical ones we have to wait a little while. Regular customers at work keep saying things like "all the women here are off on maternity, careful you don't go next" and I'm irrationally upset because I'd love to be next so I totally understand where you're coming from. My colleague has been TTC for three years and I hate seeing her upset when people say similar to her.

Schwanengesang - thank you, you have just explained my dad to me after 42 years

HammerToFall Have you posted on the wrong thread? Or am I missing something here?!

Umm...either he has a really weird sense of humour or he's a creep