Making him sort his own childcare?

[RottenTomatoes959]

This may be long, apologies in advance.

I just got back yesterday from a week holiday with friends. Ds' dad very kindly had him for the full week while I was away and I am very grateful for it. Usually Ds is at a minders monday-Wednesday and with his dad Thursdays and Fridays.

Got home very late Monday night/Tuesday mornimg and got woken up by mother at nine in the morning informing me and that ex and the minder had an argument while I was away and she dropped to the house with a letter for me quitting. The letter was very apologetic.
The whole argument was that he was meant to go to the minders at 7 am yet he texted her to say he'd be late,then texted again four hours later to say he'd be keeping him and that the money I'd already paid could be used for a different day and it escalated from there. I'd already paid her just in case he decided not to send him so she'd have the money anyway and was disgusted he suggested she give it back.
Unfortunately it's not the first time he's tried somethung like this with her as he used to work Thursdays and he got sent to the minders then too and he'd forget to pay her or be late or just decide not to go.
Now we found a creche with a space for Mondays-Wednesday starting next week.
I've informed his dad that he will have to sort his own child care for Thursdays and fridays when he starts college next week as I can't trust him to bring him or pay me the money for the extra days and he thinks I'm completely out of order for it. My thinking is he'll probably drop out of college anyway (5 courses in 3 years) and a creche is a business so won't put up with his crao as long as the minder did, who is in the right?

You are entirely in the right.

You, obviously. Maybe even a silver lining for you, not having to deal with him in relation to your childcare. He can't be very devoted to college if he uses such a feeble excuse to drop out, so i wouldn't worry on that score.

Oh just reread it,he doesnt start next week he starts in three weeks.
Thank your blackteas

That's my thinking barbarian I want to keep him away from this creche as much as I can within reason. I've even said once he finds a place I'll be happy to drop and collect some days but payment and findimg a place is all down to him. My mother managed to find a place for him in three days so I'm sure he can in three weeks

Yes - he should the childcare for the days he is reponsible for his own child.

YANBU at all. We have always sorted the childcare out for DSD on her days with us, including finding a childminder and also changing our working hours to accommodate when we have her. When she was much younger and still at nursery, DH paid extra maintenance to cover the cost of her childcare on our days with us. We don't always use the childcare (eg if we are on annual leave or off work sick) but we always pay for it. Your ex needs to grow up and take some responsibility for his child.

Totally see your point, but look at it from the point of view of your ds, he is used to being cared for by a mix of mum, dad and minder. Now he's being expected to get used to a creche, mum, dad and dad's choice of childcare?

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable. He created the situation in the first place.
Missmay - the OP's son is going to have to get used to another carer on Thursday and Friday as the minder has quit. What would you suggest the OP do?

I understand your point miss may but I can't afford at all for a full week and from experience I know his dad would end up not consistently giving me the money for the other days and also he will drop out of the course in the next couple of months, that's not an opinion by the way that is fact, and id be left screwed or having to change the days with the creche again

You're doing the right thing. DS will get used to the new arrangement. His days, his cost, his problem.

He will probably use it as an excuse to get out of doing the course, but he & everyone else will know it's bs.

YANBU. Can you not apologise to the childminder as it sounds like you had a good relationship previously, and see if she'd be willing to take him Mon-Weds when it sounds like she deals with just you, on the basis that she won't have any contact with his Dad? Agree that Thursday and Friday childcare is his issue to resolve though.