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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help I fly in the morning and don't think I can do it.

41 replies

Dreamscared · 22/08/2017 21:14

Utterly terrified
Constant panic attacks
Awfully claustrophobic

Have valium and been listening to hypnosis mp3.
Had a huge panic attack on last flight which has massively freaked me out.
Now doing a flight three times that and petrified.
Am in a hotel with my Mum and kids and just want to run.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/08/2017 21:16

Hand hold.
What would help? What are you worried about?

ChasedByBees · 22/08/2017 21:18

Deep breaths. Take each part of it individually. So getting to the airport. Then the queues at the airport. Airside. Boarding. At no point think about the next stage, just be in the moment.

Millions of people fly every day, it is the safest form of transport. You can do this.

CanIBuffalo · 22/08/2017 21:18

If your hotel is near the airport, the most dangerous part of your journey is already over. You're much, much more likely to come to harm on the way to the airport than you are when flying.

Is there anything in particular that's worrying you?

Original poster
Dreamscared · 22/08/2017 21:19

Shit sorry didn't realise I had posted in aibu.

I don't know Stealth. I know it's a safe method of transport but the claustrophobia and loss of control is terrifying.

OP posts:
CiderwithBuda · 22/08/2017 21:20

What time is your flight? Can you get to a doctor first? Diazepam helps. A friend has panic attacks and had one n a flight and now she takes diazepam every time.

PickettBowtruckles · 22/08/2017 21:21

I am the exact same, OP. Terrible flyer, I'm actually attending a fear of flying course soon to try and help.

Do you have a kindle? If not can you download the kindle app on a smart phone? I really highly recommend the fear of flying book by Keith Godfrey - he's an ex BA captain with a wealth of knowledge. He uses the phrase 'uncomfortable, not unsafe' a lot when talking about turbulence which really helps me. Good luck, you can do it :)

Original poster
Dreamscared · 22/08/2017 21:22

Sorry x posted loads of people.
Have seen doctor. She's given me four diazepam 2mg. Never taken them before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamscared · 22/08/2017 21:23

Kids have a Kindle and I have a smart phone. Thank you will look for it.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/08/2017 21:24

Would it help to know you're logical? It is claustrophobic and you are out of control. But as others have said it is safe.
Can you get something for anxiety before you leave in the morning.

StealthPolarBear · 22/08/2017 21:24

OK you have e something that's good. Good luck x

PickettBowtruckles · 22/08/2017 21:28

Also I find it helps to be in control in the ways you can be. In our family I am 'chief passport holder'. Sounds ridiculous but I take charge of all the booking in and make sure we're at the airport check in desk exactly 3 hours before the flight. I think it's a way to keep myself off from thinking I am about to fly to be honest!

Also do tell the cabin crew (or other passengers sitting next to you if they're nice!) if you're nervous. Last time I flew I had a lovely older lady next to me who spoke to me really calmly when I was panicking and reassured me when I got nervous.

I totally get where you're coming from though, as much as we can all say this I know it won't make your own fears tonight any better but hopefully some of it might help in the morning for you.

CanIBuffalo · 22/08/2017 21:30

The pilot knows what s/he's doing. The pilots and crew don't want to crash either. They are in control. You don't have to be in control, you can willingly hand that to them. You can control your breathing, though. This will help. The mind doesn't calm the body but the body can calm the mind.

Try this breathing - it works for me better than deep breaths because I have to concentrate on it and that keeps my mind busy:

Put your hands on your abdomen under your rib cage. Breathe into that part of your body - not the chest or shoulders for a count of 1. Hold briefly. Carry the breath on into the chest for a count of 1. Hold briefly. Carry the breath up into the top of the chest so the shoulders rise for a count of 1. Hold briefly then let the breath out in reverse stages or in one long smooth breath, getting all the air right out.

Do this slowly so as not to over breathe. Works for me.

CanIBuffalo · 22/08/2017 21:32

What also works for me is thinking 'Can I tolerate this?' So far, the answer has always been yes.

winterwinter · 22/08/2017 21:33

Can't offer any real advice except take your valium, take one tonight just to take the edge off and stop your mind going crazy. You 100% can do it and you will do it. My DH is absolutely petrified of flying, gets through it with valium and talking himself down; going through things logically over and over again. i.e. the chances of anything bad happening are negligible. Have has a few incidents such as running out of the airport at the last minute and panic attacks mid flight, but he is getting better. I wold also talk to the cabin crew as soon as you get on and explain you are scared- they are trained to deal with this and really are fantastic! On a flight back from Los Angeles DH spent the entire time in the area where they serve the drinks from and they talked to him constantly- it really helped (we also got a fleeting offer to move into first class but stupidly didn't take it as were so shocked: fear of flying does have its benefits!!!). Hand firmly held, good luck OP

potoftea · 22/08/2017 21:33

You sound like me....I'm flying in 2 weeks and already sick about it.
With me the biggest fear is not dying, I think it's unlikely I'll die. But I'm terrified of having a panic attack about being trapped in one place. But you've already done that you say. And I imagine it was awful to live through, but you did it and survived. So could do so again. But this time you can take medication to take the edge off if needed.

StealthPolarBear · 22/08/2017 21:36

A family member is a pilot. You should see him play pac man!! Never seen such reflexes. But from what he says 99% of the time he doesn't need to do anything other than be there and be in control for if it's needed. And even the 1% isn't worrying stuff, just slightly put of the ordinary for whatever reason.

winterwinter · 22/08/2017 21:36

Also have faith, diazepam really do work wonders!! I have severe a severe anxiety disorder and swear by them on my worst days.

myrtleWilson · 22/08/2017 21:36

oh OP - I completely get it, but do you know what - you're better than me already. I wimped out of a short flight to Europe this year and took family on day long train trek (to be honest I quite enjoyed it, was very civilised and pretty journey) but in all honesty and this came somewhat as a surprise - I'm no more in control of a train than I am a plane so unless I choose to drive/walk us everywhere I do need to cede control. In fact on our journey on SNCF down to south of France the train was delayed in random place for a while. Announcements were made to passengers (in French obviously) which I didn't understand and so my mind went into overdrive. DH and DD tried to explain in words of one syllable that not one French speaking passenger was at all perturbed so I was over panicking...

in a (very) roundabout way I suppose I'm saying I do understand the fear of flying and thought I'd got a way round it - but I haven't really. I need to acknowledge the logical but irrational fears I have about not being in complete control and I may as well do that on a plane as on any other form of transport... goes off to google travelling by ferry to holiday destinations

Orchid2017 · 22/08/2017 21:38

Diazepam is brilliant. Trust that it will work. I am also scared of flying. someone recommended diazepam and I took it for the first time to get me to Australia. It just makes you so calm and relaxed.

myrtleWilson · 22/08/2017 21:39

Stealth does your family member do a helpline?! Weirdly I flew a lot when I was younger (step father was pilot and post divorce his idea of a contact weekend with us was basically a day at the airport!) Not sure when my fear really kicked in - maybe when I had dd? - perhaps the fear of lack of control gets magnified when you're responsible for others too...

Whinesalot · 22/08/2017 21:44

Take a shoe lace or preferably a longer piece of string and tie it in as many knots as possible. When you get on the plane concentrate on untying the knots to keep your mind from worrying. Breathe in deeply and exhale for as long as possible too.

You can do this.

GoGoGazelle · 22/08/2017 21:46

I take Diazepam to fly and it really works.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 22/08/2017 21:46

Do you feel this panicked if/when you travel by train or by bus?

chocolateworshipper · 22/08/2017 21:52

DH used to be very scared of flying. Valium did help.
Could you wear headphones and a blindfold, so you just focus on the music? Do you know any mindfulness techniques that could help?

Crumblevision · 22/08/2017 21:53

You CAN do this OP. I was terrified of flying for many years. I can't say I am mad keen on it now but mostly I just find it boring. Someone said upthread take it in stages; get to the airport; go through security; have a look around duty free; get a snack/drinks/magazines. I used to take a diazepam just before getting on the plane and that was helpful. You will be absolutely fine. Enjoy your holiday Flowers