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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be strong anymore.

15 replies

Hotpinkangel19 · 22/08/2017 20:59

My mum passed away in early June, funeral on 20th June. Fast forward a few weeks later and I find out I'm pregnant - baby due on mum's birthday. Dad not well after mum dies, gets rushed into hospital and found to be terminally ill. In the space of 4 weeks we are looking at him having days left. I can't do this again, i can't cope. I really can't. I have health anxiety and was taken off meds when I found out I was pregnant, it's getting worse. I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Neuroticwoman · 22/08/2017 21:09

So sorry to hear this. I have no experience like it so can't give advice, but you will get through it come what may - may be extremely difficult but you will Flowers

formerbabe · 22/08/2017 21:14

So sorry op Flowers. What a terrible time it must be for you. Do you have some support? Is your dp/dh supportive if you have one?

ditzychick34 · 22/08/2017 21:14

I have nothing to offer but I didn't want to read and run Flowers

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 22/08/2017 21:15

Aww an unmumsnetty {{{hugs}}} What a rubbish time you are having of it all.

highinthesky · 22/08/2017 21:19

Life is dealing you a tough hand, OP - but look at the blessing of a new baby as the next phase /a new beginning. I hope your OH is being supportive [hugs]

littlebird7 · 22/08/2017 21:21

Oh what a truly awful thing to happen....no words. Just can only send love and light?
Do you have friends and family that can be there for you?
The dr will advise about meds, but I think this is such an extreme situation I am sure everyone will do what they can to support you

FadedRed · 22/08/2017 21:23

So sorry, Hotpinkangel Flowers you are really having an awful time at the moment.
Please go and talk to your GP as a matter of urgency to see if there is something that he/she can suggest to help you through this as best as possible.
It is unlikely that you will have your baby exactly on you due date, if that would be difficult for you, and you could ask to be induced a few days early, if that is what you want and all is going well. But that's a thought for then, not now.
Just have whatever time you have left with your Dad, take it an hour/day at a time.
You will get through this. You will. Be gentle on yourself.

Original poster
Hotpinkangel19 · 22/08/2017 21:30

Thank you all just for replying, I have 3 children, and my DH is being so supportive, although he's a HGV driver and isn't home every night. Dad only has me now, so I need to be strong, I know that, it's just really hard.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 22/08/2017 21:37

So sorry to hear this OP.. You will get through this. My brother died 2 years ago (2nd brother I've lost) and one morning 2am I was overwhelmed. Had never been on the bereavement thread here but those MN'ers were a lifesaver for me. I can't even explain it well..but they were "there" as it were. Including some who pm'd me. I discovered kindness gives you the strength you need. Keep talking.Flowers

FadedRed · 22/08/2017 22:05

As well as the bereavement thread on MN, don't forget that Samaritans will always be there, especially on those lonely wee small hours, when you just need to hear an understanding human voice, who will listen to you when you just need to offload. You don't have to be suicidal to talk to them and, as 'random strangers' (but trained to help people who are sad), they can be easier to talk to sometimes than friends, because you won't feel like you are 'burdening them' IYSWIM.
But do tell your doctor and MW about your situation.

Original poster
Hotpinkangel19 · 22/08/2017 22:08

Thank you, I assumed they were just for suicidal people, that's worth knowing. Thank you.

OP posts:
FadedRed · 22/08/2017 23:00

No, they will talk to anyone whose who needs a listening ear. I rang them a couple of times after my DDad died, it was late at night and I just talked and cried at the lovely person on the other end of the phone. DH was working abroad, the DC's were little and asleep, and I needed another human being to be there for me for a few minutes.

They don't offer advice, but they don't say the 'wrong' thing either, and it really helped to know they were there. Also I didn't get that stupid guilty feeling that I was burdening a friend with my grief. iYKWIM

Poshjock · 22/08/2017 23:56

Sometimes life just isn't fair and it all goes to pot for no reason. You can't always be strong, sometimes you need a helping hand. Please ask for it - help is around you in ways you don't even know.

You will be strong for your dad - love gives that strength.

Cruse can also help you www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services/get-help

Flowers
Lucyandpoppy · 23/08/2017 00:24

Really sorry OP, my dad died a few months ago so I can understand a little bit. Are you on the thread for people whose parents have died on here (in the bereavement section) feel free to PM me xx

Oraiste · 23/08/2017 00:32

That's really really hard. I'm so sorry. It is important that you are looking after yourself so you can look after others and you have your hands full. Is there anyone else who can help, like specialist nurses for your Dad? You mentioned coming off meds because you're pregnant. Have you been back to your GP? Go and have a chat with them. They will probably be able to give you something to help which would be ok to take when pregnant.

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