AIBU to not contact my Mum?

[TheBewlayBrothers]

Long long story but my mum does not like my DH. She can't seem to give a real reason, but we all used to work together many years ago and it's stemmed from then. He has tried to do things to get her on side like giving lifts to the airport etc, but she tolerates him at best, I've come to accept this and don't need her to like him, though it would make my life easier if she did.

We went on holiday together earlier on this year and mum and DH ended up in a big row where she called him a cunt and said she had not wanted him to come in the first place. For the sake of my kids and the rest of the holiday they patched things up and to be fair to them both, made more effort for the remainder of the holiday and everyone seemed to have a nice time.

Since returning, we (me and DH) have assumed all is ok, and continued to invite mum and my stepdad to meals out, birthdays etc as our view is that it was all sorted out on holiday so no need to mention it any more. DH's mum was due to take us on a city break to Spain, and coincidentally his cousin who lives abroad and I've never met was staying in the town where we live the weekend before we went away, so we all met up for a few hours.

DH's mum put a photo on facebook (I know!) of us all meeting up with the cousin and my mum has gone ballistic. She texted me the night before we were due to go away with DH's mum saying she had seen us all 'playing happy families' on facebook and she was livid as I had hardly seen her since we came home from holiday, and had been off with her ever since, which was 'obviously' down to the row she and DH had! She ended it by saying 'how long will it take you to show him this, I've played right into your hands as usual'! WTF?

This was the evening before we were due to go away on a week's holiday, and I haven't sent any response back since, which is 2 and a half weeks ago now. I have heard through other family members that she has been slagging me off and saying she can't believe I haven't contacted her to say sorry (for what?) and that she will take me to court to see her grandchildren!

My view is that she sent the nasty text, so why would I contact her and I am waiting for an apology (which will never come) but she seems to just be escalating how angry she is all the time. AIBU to just see if she contacts me, we will never talk again at this rate! I still can't see what I've done wrong.

Why on earth ate you going on holiday and inviting to meals etc someone who hates your dh and calls them names. I would not see her again after the holiday behaviour. I have been nc with dm for 6 years, life is better without her in it.
Stop putting up with this shit and show some loyalty to your dh.

You've done nothing wrong.
Your mother sounds dramatic at best, manipulative at worst.
No practical advice really, but just wanted to say YWDNBU!
I wouldn't contact her either.

My mum ranted about legal access to the kids. I took legal advice. In fact, grandparents have little to no legal rights.

I know, she just does it in such a way that you wonder if you are the one being unreasonable! She has fallen out with lots of her own family members but they always back down as she can hold a grudge longer than they can!
Just wish she would accept that DH makes me happy and be done with it.

You need to accept she's horrid, stop expecting her to change and crack on without her.

Your husband must be a very patient man who loves you very much. I wouldnt go on holiday or invite out a partners parent who treated me like your dm treats your husband. Id also feel like you were condoning it by not putting her straight that it stops or contact does when she first started it!

Assuming your husband is in no way abusive to you, his children or your mother, then my conclusion from this is that your mother is frankly completely batshit. She sounds like a poisonous old trout and I would not be tolerating her behaviour for a moment longer if I were you.

If my mum called my partner a cunt I would probably never want to speak to her again, and how dare she tell you who you can and can't meet up with on a trip abroad? She is mad. As for court over the grandkids, a judge would laugh in her face.

You're right, if his mum had spoken to me like that I would never see her again. It is time someone stood up to her, I think that's what she's so shocked at

If anyone called me or my dp a cunt in anger, it would be a cold day in hell before I spoke to them again without an apology so yanbu

Has your mother always been like this with the narcissism and outrageous drama? It seems to me that she's not "happy" unless everyone else is miserable. You're not playing her game anymore and she can't handle it.

Yes it's always someone's turn if you know what I mean, usually we get on well, notwithstanding she hates my DH. She's fallen out with my brother and his partner in the past but she's seeing them a lot since she's not speaking to me

She's a drama queen. I'd adopt an amused relaxed distancing and accept the fact that she's an attention seeking harridan.
You have my sympathies. I've a similar one in my family...

Working on the assumption that your mum doesn't know something unsavoury about your DH that you don't know, then I think your DH has been far more patient than I would have been. It's your mum who is causing the problem and attempting to force you to choose between them, so I don't think you'd be at all unreasonable not to contact her until she's ready to start behaving like an adult.

Your DH doesn't have a MiL problem. He has a DW problem.