AIBU regarding drug use?

[Thetimeisnotnow]

Been with DH for around 18 years. Three kids all still at home. Early on in our relationship he came home from the pub with a friend, I went downstairs and found them snorting coke of my dining table. I made it clear that I didn't find this acceptable in a home we share with a young child asleep. Queue lots of rows and a family rift about it.

The same thing happened again about 5 &7 years later.

This weekend he went out for a drink with some friends and I was woken by some noise downstairs about 1.30. I went down to to him and a friend snorting coke of my kitchen side. I was so upset and angry. Our kids regularly get up in the night and come down for a drink or to let the dog out.

I also overheard a conversation they were having where he said that I have had it easy and not had to lift a finger since having the kids, how he works harder than anyone he knows. He also referred to me as the 'kid's mother' when boasting about how good the kids are despite me being around.

For some background it was decided I wouldn't return to work after our first child due to the hours he worked and childcare costs wiping out anything I would've earned. I have been working and studying full time for the last 2 years.

AIBU to call time on us? I know he doesn't take drugs regularly, he works hard and we do have a lively life but him doing something he knows would upset me plus overhearing what I heard has left me questioning everything.

Kick him out. Things aren't going to get better.

Each to their own but personally any sort of drug around my child is a no go. Regardless of whether they are asleep. Wouldn't have it. End of.
Easy for me to say, as not in the situation.
I think if he's immature enough to take drugs and make silly comments about you, he has zero respect for you or his family.
Sorry

Those are very disrespectful comments :-(

So, you've caught him do this four times now. Is it possible that he's also done it many more times without you catching him?

Clearly he doesn't respect you. You don't have to leave but you certainly need to reevaluate your relationship.

TieGrr I know he does it ocasionally when out and to be honest if he's doing it away from home when he's out without me then that's his business. He's in his 40's and knows the dangers. Personally I hate it and I do 'know' when he's taken it when out with friends which is very, very seldom.
He's very well liked and is very sensible 99.9% of the time. It's just this 0.1% when he does something that I am so against and he knows how much I am disgusted by the thought of people taking illegal drugs while children are present.
I haven't told anyone IRL as I'm disgusted and embarrassed by his behaviour.
He was very apologetic the following morning and I told him I don't even want to look at him let alone talk to him. I've been 'normal' towards him in front of the kids. We go on holiday tomorrow and if it wasn't for that and how devastated the kids would be if we weren't to go I would've asked him to give me some space for a while.

AIBU to end it all because of this? Drug use seems so common and a lot of people (after past occurrences of this kind) don't see it as a big deal.

This is awful. I'm so sorry. He's a giant twat and a drug user. If I ever caught my husband bringing drugs into our home I would go nuclear.

I don't have a problem with drugs per se, but snorting coke when the children are upstairs is so irresponsible! What if they left some out and one of the kids got hold of it?

It would be the comments not the coke that would upset me.

Why is he bringing friends home at 1:30 when there are kids upstairs? Surely he could go and party elsewhere.

The comments however are upsetting. It shows how little he values you and your relationship. Why even have that discussion with a stoned friend at 1am? Was it to boost his own ego? Is he like that?

I would have a serious discussion with him about his attitude to you and the lies he is telling his friends.

What if they left some out ?

That never happens lol

Madeforthis he has in the past made me feel like he is too good for me and that he did me a favour by staying with me. He does find it hard to take into consideration others feelings. He made it sound that he was so hard done by and that I do nothing, that he works harder than anyone else we know and that I have lived a life of luxury while he works his fingers to the bone.

We have a nice life now, we are financially very secure, live in a nice area and own a house and that's why the time was right for me to pick up my career. We have plenty of family and close friends around. It's not always been easy, we did live off credit cards by the end of each month until about five years ago. I got evening jobs cleaning or bar work but it never worked out as he wouldn't be able to guarantee being home for when I needed to leave.

I had PND after our second DD and he was vile to me then. Once I started to feel stronger and the fog cleared I woke up to how he had treated me and we separated for a while. We ended up getting back together and things were great. Or so I thought.

He's been very sheepish with me since the latest incident and I think he knows how angry and digested I am.

From the replies I get the impression that I wouldn't be too out of order to at least look deeply at what we both want from life.

The coke in my house would be a no no however worse than that is the things he said about you. I couldn't stay with him knowing he had no respect for me.