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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PLEASE HELP

35 replies

Finished90 · 22/08/2017 12:36

Not an AIBU but only post on here..

Longtime poster just NC because I'm a fucking shit parent and don't want to be outed.

I had DD2 3 weeks ago, DD1 is 2yo. DD2 doesn't sleep during the day, she'll wake up around 7/8am and will finally sleep again between 2-4pm. All fine if she was content and I could pop her down, shove dummy in her mouth etc but this isn't the case. She just wants to be held and rocked constantly which I understand as she's so teeny but she's constantly over tired, just wants to sleep but can't. She'll want to change positions constantly as I'm holding her so sling doesn't work.

She'll finally doze off after hours and then a few minutes later her eyes will bolt open and it'll take me another 2 hours to get her to that point where she's drowsy enough for a 5 minute nap only to repeat everything all over again. If I put her down when she's asleep she'll wake up and cry and cry. No reflux or anything, I'm mixed feeding and she's feeding well and is OK during the night (up every 1.5/2hrs for a feed but goes back down within 30-60 mins) it's just during the day it's an absolute nightmare.

I'm very fortunate to have my mum helping me at the moment but she's going in a few weeks and I have no clue how I'm going to cope with both of them without one being seriously neglected. I can't rock DD2 for hours and hours all day long as I'm doing now but I also can't leave her to cry. DD1 has become clingy since her sister was born and needs my attention. I can't get anything done and I'm exhausted I just don't know what to do. Please someone tell me this is normal and she will get better or any advice I'm starting to regret having her and feeling guilty for even thinking that. I had severe PND with my first and can feel it creeping back again. I just want to shut myself away, curl up in a ball and close my eyes. Please help.

OP posts:
fullofhope03 · 22/08/2017 14:30

Oh OP - I'm so sorry for you. I don't have children so can't give any advice (with the knowledge of experience), but the posts on here sound good. Having said all that, I do think you should definately speak to your Health Visitor and GP. Both of them. Sending you a big HUG and Flowers xxx

fullofhope03 · 22/08/2017 14:31

PS - Please let us know how you get on xxx

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 22/08/2017 14:44

You're absolutely not a shit parent.
Some great advice from pp - you mentioned you've ordered a swaddling blanket - until it comes, perhaps try swaddling with a muslin or sheet (I actually prefer using a muslin to the bespoke swaddles!)

Don't be afraid to snuggle up on the sofa with the kids when things are hard - the housework etc can wait!

it might be worth trying a different type of sling too. Dd loved them all, but ds likes to move around more, so mei tais and ring slings work best for him.

And above all, remember, this too shall pass, even if it didn't feel like it at the time! Flowers

Original poster
Finished90 · 22/08/2017 20:27

Thank you all for the kind words and advice, I appreciate it.

changed I hope things get better for you, must be extremely hard with no support.

I'm going to try another sling tomorrow and see if she takes to that. Problem is she constantly wants to change position, she's not in pain or anything but she's very fussy. She has stopped breastfeeding as well for some reason so I pump and give it to her, DD1 used to feed to sleep and I thought that was a PITA but compared to rocking for hours on end it's a breeze!

DD1 was a shit sleeper until I sleep trained her which did help but she's still not great, everyone told me how much more chilled their second babies were and how they slept and slept I foolishly thought the same would happen with mine :( it's honestly like she is about to fall asleep then forces herself to stay awake as if to say nah fuck that work harder for it mum. White noise is hit and miss but even then it needs to be accompanied with hours of rocking.

DH works till late evening but is so supportive and helpful when he comes home and makes sure I get sleep and rest which I am extremely thankful for.

Thanks again for all the advice and kind words.

OP posts:
Original poster
Finished90 · 22/08/2017 20:29

To the posters suggesting osteopathy, she doesn't seem to be in any pain, doesn't cry loads or cry when she wakes up. She's quite content it's only after a while she gets fussy and realises how tired she is - is it still worth a go?

OP posts:
wildbhoysmama · 22/08/2017 20:51

I second the vibrating chair DS2 loved it and snoozed lots in the day. I was bought a baby swing for DS3 and it was a Godsend. It swung side to side and back to back and played white noise/ music. He slept, lay for a while and then drifted off again all the time. Was a Gumtree buy and has now been used by another 2 babies to similar effect. Try and borrow one to see how it goes.
DS2 also loved the sling whilst I hoovered and moved around with DS1. DS3 slept in the sling after some rocking and when out and about.
Yy to pp who mentioned complete darkness for napping if any of the above doesn't work. DS1 still likes complete darkness to sleep age 13!
Good luck, honey, you're doing so well and it will get absolutely better.FlowersBrewCake

LittleR1e · 22/08/2017 21:30

I have a 5wk old who is doing exactly the same thing. HV has said today that as long as they are a 'well baby' this is completely normal behaviour. They just need to see you for reassurance. She advised rolled up blankets so that they feel tight and secure, swaddling etc, and just doing whatever works for the time being and hang in there!

mirrington · 22/08/2017 23:06

Osteopathy isn't just about pain. My son had his vegas nerve trapped and so his little system was flooded with adrenaline all the time. He wasn't in pain but constant fight or flight. When the osteopath was rubbing his head he visibly drooped, and relaxed for the first time. Truly amazing to watch. The only outward sign was that he was so physically tense and awake until he dropped from exhaustion. Apparently many many babies are affected by things like this and as they grow and they recover from their heads being squished during birth they mostly clear up. All the osteo does is speed that process up.

TattyApples · 23/08/2017 18:49

+1 what mirrington said

TheLegendOfBeans · 23/08/2017 19:05

Holy shit @mirrington

My son had his vegas nerve trapped and so his little system was flooded with adrenaline all the time

Oh my god I've had this as an adult and it's so horrid. Just wanted to come by for an Shock and Flowers for you and your wee baby. That must've been hell.

OP, I really second the osteopathy x

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