Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to block DD's GM on social media

35 replies

Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 12:25

Long story short, I am from and love in the U.K but whilst on a gap year I had a brief relationship with an Australian man which resulted in a child - my DD.
He "supported" me through my pregnancy but went NC when I was 7 months pregnant and we didn't hear from him again until just after she was born when he basically said his new partner didn't like the fact he had a child with someone else and he wouldn't be in contact again.
True to his word he didn't - other than to tell me he had a daughter with this woman 2 years later.
His mother decided for a while to keep contact via Facebook and emails until my DD was around 18 months old but just like her son she suddenly disappeared off the radar.
Ignored my messages and stopped the interaction between us, even deleting me off Facebook which was our main form of contact due to the vast geographical distance between us.
Now my DD is 7.5 years old and this morning I have woken to a Facebook notification that GM has liked one of my public posts - a rant about some local scammers, not even related to my DD.
But this means she must be snooping on my profile trying to glean information about my DD... but why? Why doesn't she just ask me herself? Angry
I have not prevented contact and even after the horrendous way both my DD and I have been shunned by the family I have always made it clear the door was open for contact... for any of them, not just her Dad.
Anyway this sneaky profile stalking has really upset me and made me angry if I'm honest, I may block her or make all the pictures of my DD private - there's not many anyway except a couple of family shots with my DP and my children (I have a 3 year old son too).
I'm so hurt and feel she's lost the right to view this pictures. She chose not to have any contact and she could easily call, email, write a letter (she has our address)?!

OP posts:
elevenclips · 22/08/2017 12:29

I don't mean to be unsympathetic but this would easily be solved if you didn't put your life on Facebook etc - public or private. Why don't you just live "in real life" with your dp and kids.

clodsofclay · 22/08/2017 12:31

I bet she liked your post by mistake.. and now you know she's snooping!

Justanothernameonthepage · 22/08/2017 12:33

I think you need to look at your security settings - having posts available to anyone is not secure .
She could be testing the waters in which case, you could pm her if you would like to. Or just limit posts and images to your friends list.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 12:34

Yes it was definitely accidental it makes no sense for her to have like a post that related to my local area.
I don't put many pics of my children on there, there are one or two where they are with me in my profile picture - a big group family shot from Christmas which I shared as we have family in Ireland and Switzerland that like to see them

OP posts:
SpunBodgeSquarepants · 22/08/2017 12:35

Yes, block her and make everything private. She can email you if she wants to know her DGD.

Emmeline123 · 22/08/2017 12:35

YANBU. They have treated you and your daughter so dreadfully, I'm sorry Flowers

SpunBodgeSquarepants · 22/08/2017 12:35

And don't feel you need to justify sharing your pics on Facebook - it's a perfectly normal thing to do!!

coolaschmoola · 22/08/2017 12:37

Only friends can see my pictures. I highly recommend that setting otherwise anyone and everyone can look at your photos.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 12:38

SpudBodge my mum seems to think it's petty if I block her as I've always been the "good guy" in this situation so I can tell my daughter I tried all I could.
I can't message her as her settings won't allow me to add or private message.
Just had a snoop on her profile and all the public posts are about how much she loves her grandchildren and biblical quotes... I think that's made me more angry

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 22/08/2017 12:38

I don't mean to be unsympathetic but this would easily be solved if you didn't put your life on Facebook etc - public or private. Why don't you just live "in real life" with your dp and kids

You do know you can do both, it doesnt have to be one or the other? Hmm

Original poster
Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 12:38

All my posts are private, there's only one or two profile pics where my kids are in the pic with me. I'm going to take them down

OP posts:
amicissimma · 22/08/2017 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargaretTwatyer · 22/08/2017 12:39

It probably just appeared in her feed because a friend in common liked it. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I also don't think it's necessarily that bad that she looks every now and again to see pictures of her granddaughter.

I don't know what the back story is and from her point of view continuing contact at this point in time may be destructive for your DD from her POV. But really, I don't think this is worth getting upset about.

dollydaydream114 · 22/08/2017 12:40

I would block her, yes. She chose to cut off contact with you, after all.

I suggest you also make sure you have the maximum privacy settings on your profile so people who aren't your friends can't see your posts or photos.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 12:42

We have no friends in common. She would have had to specifically look me up and go through my profile to find this particular post so she's had a good rummage. It couldn't have appeared on her newsfeed!
She wouldn't have found anything out about my daughter as nothing about my kids is public - bar these 2 big family photos with all my cousins and their kids etc.
I'm just pissed off she's trying to snoop rather than contact us.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 22/08/2017 12:43

By the way, she won't know you blocked her. When she searches for your profile it just won't come up any more, so from her point of view it will just look like you deleted your profile altogether. She won't get any message saying she's been blocked.

XJerseyGirlX · 22/08/2017 12:44

I would stay the "good guy". It must make her feel so ashamed that she has a beautiful GD in the UK and she hasn't stepped up. at least she has a way of seeing what she is missing out on.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 22/08/2017 12:56

Why have your posts on public view? Put them to friends only, job done.

Jaxhog · 22/08/2017 13:08

Just block her and make your photos only viewable by friends and family.

If she wants to make contact, she will.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2017 13:10

If the new woman didn't like your dd in her partner's life, this may have eventually extended to the GM. Perhaps she was made to make a choice between a GD over the road or one half way around the world. I'm not saying this is true, just a possibility. I think you should remain the good guy. I'm so sorry for your dd.

DerelictWreck · 22/08/2017 13:18

All my posts are private

With all due respect OP, if this were true then she wouldn't have been able to see the post let alone like it.

Perhaps your settings are more public than you intend them to be? There's a great function on FB where you can preview what your profile looks like to friends and non-friends, which will show you what she can see when she visits it.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 14:19

I think you have all misunderstood or not read what I've previously said... she liked a public post I put on a long time ago about some scammers in the local area. NOT pics of my kids which I have only 2 of as part of a large group shots which I had previously used as profile pictures.
Mummyoflittle yes I don't doubt that's the case, however she could have continued to private message us and exchange emails without his knowledge. To cut your grandchild out of your life is extremely low

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2017 14:27

She could have done this. We don't know how much control this woman is exerting. It's not normal to prohibit a father and gm from seeing their child/gc. I agree it is extremely low. It must hurt a great deal.

dadshere · 22/08/2017 14:30

Make your facebook private, anyway. Do you really want your private life in the pubic domain?

Original poster
Winosaurus · 22/08/2017 14:38

dadshere it IS private, like I've explained numerous times on this thread
The post that was public which she liked was intentionally public so my neighbours/friends could share it due to it being a neighbourhood concern and not related in anyway to my kids.
It's just pissed me off that she's been snopping when she could just contact us.
I have no idea about Ex's new woman but it could be equally likely that she knows nothing about either DD or I and perhaps he has swept it under the carpet. Just because he said she's the reason doesn't mean it's necessarily true

OP posts: