Hen do one...

[tappitytaptap]

Ladies I am not sure what to do about a hen do next year and am looking for some advice....
It is quite expensive anyway plus we are paying for the bride (since when did that become a thing?! I paid for my own and can't recall paying for the bride before). However the bigger issue is I hope to be pregnant with my 2nd DC at the point when the hen do will be. I realise this is not a guarantee, but if all goes well then I could be in early stages of pregnancy. Though a few of the girls going have children, very young ones too, they seem to have planned a very un-pregnancy friendly do...hot tub, physical activity you wouldn't be allowed to do when pregnant, obviously lots of booze but that is a given really!
I wouldn't want to tell people before 12 weeks but I imagine would be blindingly obvious avoiding all that.
I really like the girl whose hen do it is and it is a small one so my absence would be noticed plus push up costs for everyone else (they have already priced up though no one has paid anything). I'd feel really guilty as I could afford it but might turn out to be a bit of a crap weekend for me...though obviously if I didn't go I'd feel a bit of an idiot if I weren't pregnant by then!
Not really an AIBU but a WWYD?

I was in a similar predicament, I said I was trying for a baby and if I wasn't pregnant nearer the time I would endeavour to go but that it wasn't fair for me to be costed in them drop everyone in it. I had a 3 week old baby a c section scar when they went.

I'd wait and see if you actually are pregnant by then unless they are booking it all up now?

I think you should go and just don't drink if you're pregnant

If I really liked the friend I'd go. Did she go to yours? It's really shit when you go to people's hen parties and then they can't be arsed to go to yours because they have moved to the next stage (voice of bitter experience)

I always think until you're pregnant, carry on with life. If she weren't a good friend I would say just don't go but as she is, I would plan to go and if necessary make excuses about not drinking etc if you do end up being pregnant.

owlina I was one of the last of my friends to get married too

McTufty

Yes I wouldn't want to let someone down. No she didn't but I didn't know her then! I think I'm most worried that I wouldn't want to say anything before 12 weeks and it would be really obvious! Particularly the activity they've chosen which would be unsuitable for pregnancy. Fingers crossed I'm either not pregnant or past 12 weeks I guess?! Not that I'd be able to join in most stuff but at least the excuse would be out there 😂

But seriously...what is the whole paying for the bride thing about?!

I went to one when early pg. I just pretended to drink, most people won't notice what you are drinking after they've had a few. You can have a minor injury which prevents you doing the activities and just get in the hot tub for 5 minutes or something.

Does it really matter if people guess? It's your second so people won't be mega surprised!

Dunno, not sure if I've paid for the bride before? Maybe for some of it, I'd buy extra drinks etc.

I have had this situation twice. Both were good friends, both required organisation and payment well in advance. In both cases I committed to going, paid the money, and then was unable to go/did no want to go due to pregnancy and lost the money. I could've gone but not really been able to participate much and just didn't fancy it.

I would have spent additional money had I have gone for the weekend rather than staying at home so I didn't really worry too much. From this experience I would say this is your best option, as if you have difficulties conceiving you may feel sad you are not going and your friend may feel you have not made the effort. You can't really expect to not commit until the last minute as things need paying for in advance usually. Good luck with ttc.

We always pay for the bride, I think it's a nice thing to do. Having said that it usually works out about a tenner per person, sounds like it's a bit more with you.

Depending on how much it costs OP you could also pay to go, and then cry off ill if you're pregnant. You lose the money but it's an option if going and not drinking isn't something you're comfortable with.

I hope you catch quickly and are past 12 weeks

Not much fun for the bride if all her mates cry off at the last minute though.

One of my best friends got away with not drinking at a hen before by announcing that since everyone was planning on hitting the drink hard (true) and it was somewhere no one knew well she would volunteer to be the only sober one to keep it all together. Might you get away with that?

McTufty - if 12 people are going and the event price is £120 pp then £130 pp to cover the bride is fine. If it's 320pp then it's an extra £70pp to cover the bride.

OP - why don't you just speak to the organisers and the bride and explain. Or just bow out now so they can readjust and invite someone else? Send some champagne or whatever to the meal they plan to have out.

Don't go... simple x

Now out now and say that if you can come nearer the time you'll try and join

Bow