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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL-long. Sorry.

9 replies

Ttbb · 21/08/2017 20:37

So I know I'm being unreasonable here but I really need a good rant and for some people to tell me to calm down.

So I will freely admit that I have never liked my MIL because she is unbearably annoying. She is loud, stupid and, rude and she never stops talking! On top of that she is extremely sensitive to the point where you can't even contradict her or express a different opinion. In the past she has gotten annoyed with me for not joining in when she has butcher abyone out. This is all unpleasant enough in itself but I am the diametric opposite. I am very quiet, I don't talk much, I have excessive noise and I am quite thick skinned (or maybe obtuse is a better word). So I have never liked being around her. But I have always done my best to be polite and friendly. Of course this has on occasion descended to me just being very quiet and ubengaged (if she particularly got on my nerves because I was tired for example). But so far so good, I didn't dislike her and it wasn't too unpleasant being around her.

Baring in mind that her husband has been quite abusive to her, not to mention she has had a hard time of things. I really do try to temper my reactions given that, after everything she's put up with, it's not unexpected that she might be a little mad.

BUT as time has gone on she has become increasingly unpleasant to deal with. While before she would just sulk or maybe start crying if I did something she didn't like she will now often descend into accusing me of all kind of horrible (completely unfounded) things (like being cruel to my three year old son for weaning him off the bottle for example-don't worry, he was already weaned long before this). Sometimes she will do this while screeching (literally screeching) at the top of her lungs. She has also said things like I don't like to see you do xyz about various parenting decisions (like not allowing my son to have everything that he wants the second that he wants it). I am generally quite quick to respond to such things and it took a lot of effort to bite my tongue instead of pointing out that her feelings were irrelevant. I really had tried everything. First I tried reasoning. Then I tried keeping my mouth shut. Then she started bad mouthing me to my husband. He got angry and I snapped. So I tried avoiding her but unfortunately I ran into her on the street. She, as I noted above, is quite stupid and can't take very obvious hints. So after she started pestering me and tried to engage me in an argument in the street I just told her to stop harassing us and stalked off. She was so furious that she left the country. She is back this evening and through an unfortunate accident will be spending the night in our house. Her expectation after these outbursts (which are frequent and indiscriminate) is that everyone pretends that nothing ever happened. But I am still very annoyed and don't want to deal with it right now. My husband has given me a carte Blanche to do as I please which isn't helpful. Would it be so unreasonable just to retire the moment she arrives?

Sorry that was so long.

OP posts:
Didiplanthis · 21/08/2017 20:44

No. It would be fine. My Mil is not as bad as yours but is totally egocentric and 'fragile' She has also been treated like a sodding princess her whole life so I can't even put it down to a bad time. I am kind,sympathetic and polite but half way through her last visit I had a 'very bad migraine' and went to bed. It was the better option than letting her know what I was thinking....

Didiplanthis · 21/08/2017 20:44

This is not Mil bashing. My DH and Bil agree entirely !!

Angelicinnocent · 21/08/2017 20:47

I would be ill in bed until she left and keep your DC up there with you. Unless you can have a friend or relative who really"needs" you to visit for some reason with the DC.

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/08/2017 20:48

Goodness no, go to bed with a cup of tea and a great book. Let your DH spend time with her and don't leave your bedroom til she's gone tomorrow.

The 'fragile' MIL happens here, too, where if you correct any bad behaviour or call anything out it descends into crying and running out of the house slamming the door. Utter nonsense.

Justmuddlingalong · 21/08/2017 20:49

I would think that after her behaviour, you shouldn't give a shiny shit about her perceiving you as unreasonable. Have an early night. And a long lie.

NoKidsTwoCats · 21/08/2017 20:49

Could the deterioration into anger/tears/abuse be dementia related?

Either way, it's your home so do what you like in it - if you have to put up with her being there I don't see why you should have to sit and spend your evening with her, imo. Leave her to it!

user1499333856 · 21/08/2017 20:50

Why has her behaviour deteriorated? I'd love to know why she has gone from sulking to full blown screeching? Do you think she has MH issues?

Stay in bed. Life is too short for that nonsense.

Good luck!

BertrandRussell · 21/08/2017 20:57

She sounds horrible.

However, I am always a bit surprised when I see expressions like "correct any bad behaviour"
Do people really talk about other adults like this? I might storm out if someone in my family tried to "correct my bad behaviour"

Ttbb · 21/08/2017 21:29

Ah! Best news I've had all week. A key has materialised to get house so I don't have to see her yet! So happy to have some extra time to brace myself (and stock up on extra dark chocolate).

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