AIBU to be a bit scared of giving birth alone?

[user1497814823]

I've never posted before so please be gentle... I'm currently nearly 38 wks preg. I already have a child who is in reception at school and also have a DH. We live a couple of hundred miles from any family and only have a handful of friends locally.
Long story short- my mum was going to come to stay for a few weeks around my due date so we had 24/7 childcare when baby decides to appear, but this is no longer possible due to her having health problems. That's life - she genuinely isn't well enough and feels bad so I've told her not to worry and that I'll line up a friend to have DC so she doesn't worry... But there really isn't anyone to ask so it's looking pretty likely that the only solution is to go in on my own whilst DH looks after DC.
My AIBU is that DH is really dismissive about it. I'm a bit upset and as my due date draws closer, I'm having a wobble about being on my own. I'm hoping to go to a midwife led centre as I'm currently low risk, and my first birth was pretty straightforward- so fingers crossed that happens again. But I am hospital phobic and terrified of what will happen if any complications arise and I need to go to hospital for intervention or emcs on my own! DH also won't entertain me having a home birth either. I've tried to talk to DH about my fears, but he basically tells me to man up, stop looking for problems and just get on with it. I've looked into hiring a doula, but at around £800 we really can't afford it and DH thinks it's stupid anyway. The whole thing is making me increasingly anxious... But I'm not sure if DH is being really cold and unsupportive or whether he has a point, and I should try to get my emotions in check and try to just get on with it. I'm usually pretty tough and independent and self sufficient- so my emotional reaction over this is probably out of character to be fair to DH. Perfectly happy to be told iabu (kindly please) if you think I am.

Sorry posted too soon.

...to look after my eldest. As it turned out she came at 1.30 in he morning after I had been induced and daddy had been sent home. As I was going to be alone, I was assigned a student nurse. If you can, ask for one when you go in
Student nurses have to stay with one mum once assigned. Even when all I wanted to do was sleep or watch bad tv, she sat and monitored. (Had 3rd baby and had another student with her and exactly the same.)

As it turned out, number 2 decided to be a little tricky and I was about to be taken down for an emergency c-section when she came. I was scared and worried for baby, but I knew, that there was no other option regarding looking after my eldest and that somehow made me stronger. It would have been lovely to have had my partner there to support, but ultimately I would have made the decision.

When I went into have my 3rd, we discussed this again. It turns out he was more upset about the possibility then I..he missed that initial bonding, seeing her born, that he had gotten with our eldest. That said, he annoyed me so much during the latter stages of labour with number 3, I considered asking him to leave.

I won't lie and say it's easy, but you will be amazed at how much strength you have. Good Luck

Instead of asking a friend to babysit, why not ask a friend to be there instead of dh?

Is there really no-one you could ask to have your DC? A mum from school? I'm sure if you explained the situation someone would be able to help out. The alternative might be to take your DC to the birth centre with you. My friend just did this with her, younger, Dd and it was fine. That was at Exeter by the way, any chance that is where you are going?
You really need to get your husband to understand that being alone giving birth isn't an option for you (as this is what it sounds like from your post) and that you need to come up with a solution together.

Your husband sounds like a selfish twat.

If you lived near me I'd happily go with you or have your dd for you. Ask around, someone will have her or come with you.

Your DH is being a massive dick. It's not about him. If you want a home birth then you have one.

If there's really no one that you can find to help either to support you or look after DC then you need to throw money at the situation if at all possible. Like a pp suggested maybe a trained doula or a babysitter so DH can be with you.

Your husband sounds really horrid OP. Sorry.

As you are low risk i would do home birth! My first 2 kids were hospital born. 2 different hospitals. I hated it. Dc3 is now 4 months old born at home. Dh was with dc1 aged 3, dc2 aged 2. I stayed with them until 1 hour before dc3 was born. I went upstairs they stayed down stairs. 2 hours after the birth midwives had gone and we were all in bed! I chose homebirth for the same reasons as you. Best choice i ever made. Midwives made me a nice bath straight after. And a cup of tea. Stayes with me for a bit and theneft and we went to bed. Kids got to see their sister straight away. 10 minutes later after i had put a blanket over me. Theres no mess! And i gave birth in my bed
Used old sheets on top. Hardly stained. Whipped them off after and we jumped into bed.

I had all my children in hospital with midwives, my husband would have got in my nerves moaning and interfering. Having just women around was very calming, I appreciate its not the same for everyone but suited me.

Another vote for a home birth, as you're low risk it's actually safer than a hospital.
I had one with DC3 my hubby was against it at first because he thought it wasn't safe but I discussed with him & so glad I had one it was the most relaxed labour ever.
ultimately you are the one who has to go through labour.

Could no one from your dhs family come to help? When we moved into our present house my next door neighbour was pregnant on second. Within a month she asked me if they had to rush off during the night could l pop in and stay with first ds. No bother. I was only delighted to help. Mums help mums. You may make a friend for life. Just ask. Your dh sounds like he is trying to get out of it. Dont let him..ask somebody!!!

I'm facing a similar issue to you OP and have been really struggling with anxiety because of it. My sister lives locally but my husband works (and lives, weekdays) 70 miles away. So the plan is my sister takes dc#1, and DH tries to get to hospital on time. Meanwhile I guess I get a taxi to hospital.

Very reassured to read about possibly of students - I'm consultant led so not likely to be left alone anyway but will definitely ask for a student when I get there!

YANBU - it's not like you're having a moan about going to the cinema by yourself... it's giving birth for crying out loud!

YADNBU

I would hire a childminder to look after dc for the day and DH attends with you.

You'll be fine honeysuckle if he's only 70 miles away, bags of time to get back I should imagine.

Thanks for all replies. You've given me things to think about which I hadn't before. I also have MW appointment on Wed so will ask about a home birth.

My DH isn't usually an arse btw, he really isn't, he just seems to have a blind spot over this specific issue. Probably because he hasn't got to do it...

Here are the latest NICE guidelines about place of birth: www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg190/chapter/Recommendations#place-of-birth
(as you've had a baby before you are a "multiparous" woman)

I had a home birth and a doula. It went smoothly and the doula was £400. I'm also in the southwest of the U.K.

If you do the research, you can show your husband that a home birth is just as safe. I personally wouldn't let someone dictate to me where/how I give birth but i understand it's difficult if your partner's opposed which is why you need to show him the statistics.

Oh and the midwife turned up just as dd was coming out. It was all fine

Good luck

If I was you I would have a home birth. Failing that if you asked me to
look after your DC I would not blink an eye, I'd just do it (as a reception mum, or whatever).

I'd be so sad if you did this alive and didn't ask for help.

Alone not alive!!!