"Backed out" of a conversation...AIBU to refuse to see these people again?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Very old mate of DH's, not particularly close but good muckers who like a drink and chat together, has a wife that I have never really taken to. He met her after DH and I had been married and I could tell straight away that she didnt like me and most of the other women in the social circle of our village. She latched on to one woman but would be borderline rude with the rest. But I was polite and sociable with her as he was a friends wife, its what you do.

When we were out with them she would edge me out of the conversation so it was just her, her DH and mine. DH and I had rows about it because he didnt think that she was doing it on purpose.

Hadnt seen them for a couple of years when we met up with them at the weekend. Me, her DH and mine were talking when she came over and inserted herself between me and DH, then turned her back. I was stood outside of the conversation circle staring at her back! I stood there and caught DH's eye and did the "SEE?!! I told you!!" look (ykwim!) and I could see that he finally got it. He kept trying to bring me back in but she kept doing it.

So we left earlier than planned (and went dancing, which was more fun!) and he has actually apologised for not seeing it before. He said that he will make sure she cant do it again and I said no, I dont want to see her again. I will cheerfully meet up with the DH, or wave DH off to meet them but I am sick of being treated like that by her and so I wont be doing it again.

He has accepted it but I get the feeling he thinks I should give it one more try with him on-side to stop her pushing me out.

AIBU to say no?

she spent the evening talking to men and ignoring/barely being polite to the women

Can't bear it when women do that. I just get together with the other women and we have an hilarious time! I am not fighting some other woman's passive-aggressive seeking of male attention. Male attention is not worth it!

Its would have been really awkward to call her out on it as we were on their home turf, it was big event that they were running and I really didnt want to draw attention to it at the time.

^^ This rang out to me. It sounds to me like she's taking advantage of your politeness. You need to 'nip' back so she knows that there's a boundary and that behaving like that has a cost to her.

I think I would tap her pointedly on the shoulder and say seriously, something like, "Do you mind?!" And/or, "You've just cut me out of the conversation." Give her the look too. Don't be tempted to smile and be nice about it but do be brief and to the point.

I had a similar situation on a holiday. It was an old friend of my Husband and her new partner. My husband knew her very well, and we had gone to her wedding etc although he definitely was her friend rather than me. Anyhow, she divorced from her husband and met a new guy. We met him once and I noticed he wouldn't look at me, kept talking over me etc, but I put this down to the fact I was sober and everyone else was drinking. They then asked us to go on holiday for a long weekend. It was pure and utter hell. The guy literally ignored me. Kept talking over me, if I said something he would answer but look at my husband not at me. We met them in a bar one night and they were sat at the bar on 2 high bar stools, my husband went off to get a drink round the other side of the bar and they both just literally ignored me. It was so weird. I have been on holiday many many times in groups etc and never experienced anything like it. I wouldn't of even said he didn't like me because he never really spoke to me long enough to get to know me! Anyhow, the point being is initially my Husband couldn't see what I was talking about but then after about 3 days agreed it was weird behaviour and eventually he noticed. He had noticed before but was desperately trying to ignore it to pretend it wasn't really happening. Personally I was LIVID. They had badgered and badgered us to go on holiday with them. It was a horrendously expensive weekend and I was bright, sunny and desperately tried to be engaging to this guy who just simply ignored me as if I wasn't there! There were only 4 of us on this holiday and about the 3rd night at dinner it was just embarrassing really. I refused to see them on the last day and my husband and I went out by ourselves and I will never ever see them again. I have made that clear to my Husband. If he wants to see them, fair enough, but it's a No from me. Personally, if I were you for your own self respect I would do the same.

Blood, that's so awful. I'd love to know what's going on with people like that though. It makes no sense to me at all.

*Blod, not Blood. Sorry. Auto-correct.