AIBU to want to host Xmas day?

[Palacetime]

So bit of a back story as it is relevant to be possibly me BU.

My Parents divorced when I was young, mum has fairly new bloke, dad has partner of 25 years, I have been with DH for 12 years. We now have a DC together. Since me and DH been together it's been very difficult to split time fairly between his mum & family, and my mum and dad seperatly over the Xmas period (first world problems I know, but someone always pulls the short straw - usually my poor old dad).

Me and DH have been in a reasonably sized house for a couple years now and have just had an extension put onto the back. Plenty of room to host a huge Xmas get together.

So I decided after 35 years it's time I do Xmas at mine and therefore stopping the splitting of time over Xmas day.

IMO - the more the merrier.

In DH opinion - guests should be restricted to my mum , my dad & partner (they all get on fine btw) my brother and sister.

I mentioned to my dad in front of DH that I could invite step sister and step-BIL (to make dads partner more comfortable having Xmas round mine, and not with her children). When dad left DH started huge arguement with me about inviting other people and how "most of your family don't get along why are you trying to force them together" (not entirely true but has got some elements of truth to it)

He then said it's "too many people " "too much money" , "next your mum will start inviting her new boyfriend or neighbour or some random person""

The final insult was him saying he was gonna take our Dc to his mum's Xmas morning, and bring her back here in afternoon, and him go back to his mums, so he has nothing to do with the whole thing. Over my dead body, I'm working Boxing Day there's no way I'd let him take her anywhere Xmas day.

All I want is his support for me to facilitate this day for me. So for once I don't have to be stressed out about who to spend Xmas with.

Aibu to have the perhaps naive attitude of whoever comes comes, I'll deal with it ? Or Aibu to expect DH to put up with a huge day with just my family ?

Personally I think you need to see someone if you have illusions of a huge Xmas with all the family and have high hopes it will go well.
I am with your dh on this one.

Why don't you say to everyone that you are having Christmas at home this year, and you would be delighted if they joined you (all) but there is no pressure.

I love hosting a big Christmas though.

Inchy -

I would have to have that attidtude of, "here's the deal, here's who I've invited, it's up to you whether you come" but my DH doesn't want anybody else coming apart from my mum, dad, brother, sister.

If only mum and dad come that's fine, if 14 people come, that's also fine, by me. BuT not by Dh

Firstly, this is a classic - do not blame your DH (or yourself) for not being able to navigate without losing tempers and saying things that are a bit rash. Everyone has these anxieties - you because you want it to be nice, him because your family is complicated and he is anxious they will cock up your nice day, eat you out of house and home, and increase stress on what should be a fun day but often isnt.

So I suggest you rise above his tantrum, propose a fair solution to the cost issue (ask people to bring components), and tell him its just for one year and if it turns into a nightmare he can bugger off to his mum and dads to avoid it, and it wont set a precedent.

Plus would it be really that bad for him to take DC to his mum and dads for a couple of hours to let you get on with cooking?

Compromise, and not letting things become a precedent for every years, is the best approach.

What about your DH's family? Why are they not invited?

PotteringAlong-
I suggested DH invite them - he said no

Would limiting the people to the dinner but having an open house on the night work?

We used to do this.

Who's expected to be doing all the cooking etc?

I can see it from both sides - when we've hosted in the past, one of us is in the kitchen and the other playing host, making conversation, looking after guests etc.

We've stopped having too many round for dinner as it wasn't really an enjoyable day for either of us. Like you we thought it would be a good way to see every one at once but I actually felt like I hadn't spent that much time with them, especially if they had other plans for the evening so were only there over lunch.

Won't your Mum want her bf with her anyway.

What a bout 3 separate years - your dad and his family

Then DH parents and his family

The your Mum and her partner

So, have I got this right? He was happy with five guests (your mum, dad, partner, brother, sister). You upped it to seven (step sister plus her husband)?

YAB a bit U in my book. I understand wanting a Christmas where you don't have to be torn in two, but what about him? What if he doesn't want a Christmas where his house has 10 people in it, all from 'your' side, and was only comfortable with 8? You seem to be putting your dad's partner's comfort in having her children there before his comfort hosting Christmas in his own home.

I understand you're compensating with your dad usually getting the short end of the straw, but presumably they usually host your step-sister at Christmas if his partner will miss her otherwise? Maybe SHE wants to host her own Christmas, or spend it with HER father?

Your DH obviously feels that it won't be harmonious. Why? You don't go into detail in your OP. If he envisages having to spend the day refereeing wine-fuelled squabbles he is going to be less than enthusiastic abouyt the prospect.

YABU having arguments and discussions about this in AUGUST.

PoppyPopcorn I know !!!

I wouldn't invite anyone for Christmas without discussing it with DH first.