To be fuming-offended?!

[Beadieeye]

I'm just coming out the other side of a sexually, emotionally, financially, physically abusive relationship (sorry but I hope that sums it up as I don't want to go into it). It's still very early days. I've been so hopeless that I feel I've ruined my children's summer holidays because I'm empty and weak and unable to face anyone.
Family haven't been supportive at all. They either think I should've 'made it work' for the kids' sake or just get on with it. No surprises there really, I know I've been brilliant fodder for gossip for most of them.
But my sister. I was really close to her. I shouldn't have, but I reached out to her when I was at my lowest, bleeding in my bedroom. I would tell her I was in hell and couldn't see a way out. She would either ignore me or say 'I don't see the appeal of your relationship, just leave him!' and when I didn't, because it isn't go straightforward, she just cut me off and said I must enjoy being with him.
Now I've found out she's gone for a volunteering position...helping out domestic abuse survivors. I'm so hurt. How can she think she can help anyone? And if she can, why did she not extend help or advice to me? I feel sick.

You should talk to her about it, tell her how she made you feel, by being more willing to help strangers than her own sister.

I did a similar thing in a way. My DSis suffered DV in her first marriage, I never knew about it until it was over and was blind to the signs that he wasn't treating her right. My DH noticed that things weren't as they should be but I was in denial. That's hard to come to terms with afterwards.

Now I'm doing admin for a charity that helps abused women from Central Asia. It was at least partly because I felt I hadn't been there to help my DSis but I could do what I could to help others. (I'd also not been able to help my DSis as much as I would have liked to after the marriage break up as my DH lost his DF in a car accident.

So definitely clear the air, but don't please just cut her off without talking to her about it. Or sending her a letter/email.

Really well done for getting out of the marriage, OP, it will get easier. My DSis got through it and she's in a much better place now.

Well done you for leaving. Concentrate on your life ignore everyone else. My family were crap as well. Best to carve your own path. Well done again darling

It is hard to tell whether she really didn't care, or just felt it pointless to listen to you talking about it when you refused to get out.

Abusive relationships tend to make the victims act irrationally, and that can be extremely exhausting for anyone who is trying to help, especially if they haven't read enough about the topic to know why.

Have you talked to your sister after you got away?

It's really very well worth it Bead - it will help you feel stronger in all your relationships, as well as giving you some space to work through what sounds like a very traumatic time.

Thank you all.
Vestal I hear what you're saying. But it really wasn't like that. And I don't feel like I refused to get out, I did everything I could to get him gone and got there in the end. I was so manipulated dragged down, he used to nag at me to kill myself since my life could never be happy and I was so low I believed I never will be. I came home from having gone shopping the one time I left the house without our baby, and he had set up a stool under a fixture with a belt next to it in my bedroom.
I've spoken to her today. Said a quick 'well done' on her placement and spoke generally about other things in her life. Going to meet her soon to give her some of my old clothes (been having a clear out)

Bead you are magnificent. You got free.

Well done.