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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irked with friend?

11 replies

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 10:05

My youngest DS has an appointment coming up that I can't really take his older brother to. A while ago my friend offered to have DS1 for a couple of hours while I went to this appointment. It's this week, so I messaged her this morning to check we were still on and she is bewildered. She thought it was a different day, she has to do [insert completely bloody non-urgent task here] on the actual day of the appointment.

From her message she clearly thinks we collectively have got ourselves muddled, rather than her cocking up all on her own, and she doesn't feel at all obliged to rearrange the other thing she's double-booked herself for. She could even take my DS along with her if she chose, it really is a trivial thing she's doing.

(We definitely, definitely arranged things for the correct day when we originally spoke - I remember the conversation. I would never have done it for the day she thinks it is, as we're away then!)

I hardly ever ask for help - I hate leaning on people, which she knows. This is the first time I've asked a favour all year. I've made myself available at short notice to get her kids from school when she's been running late so it's not like I don't reciprocate. Her DC are 'official best friends' with my eldest and she claims to adore him - plus he's almost alarmingly quiet and compliant (promise I'm not deluded about this), so it's not like he's going to tear up her house or anything. Him and her eldest are both little professor types who usually disappear upstairs and geek out about insects or Lego. So I honestly don't think she's feeling pressured or overburdened by me. She either couldn't be arsed writing the date down and forgot, or has since decided she can't be arsed helping.

AIBU to think that if you offer someone a favour, you make a genuine effort to see it through? I've got no family nearby, nor does she - I thought we could rely on each other but it's starting to feel one-sided.

OP posts:
MakeItRain · 21/08/2017 10:10

That sounds difficult and you must feel very let down by your friend. You'll have to withdraw a bit and cut down on the favours. It looks like your ds might have to go with you to the appointment. Is that possible if it childcare isn't possible?

pigeondujour · 21/08/2017 10:12

That is really annoying and I'd feel frustrated too. Have you said to her what a problem it'll cause you if you can't get childcare? Not that you should have to beg. I'd significantly ease up on the favours for her if she won't help.

Deemail · 21/08/2017 10:20

Has she arranged for someone to mind her children while she does the other thing? Maybe that's why she isn't offering to take your ds.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 21/08/2017 10:45

It's annoying but things like this happen. Maybe she wrote down da. the wrong date? Is it completely impossible for your ds to attend the appointment? What happens for people who have literally no childcare options? How old is he?

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 11:13

Deemail - her kids are definitely tagging along on her errand so it's not that.

Everyone - cheers for comments. I'm going to ring the place and see if it's a problem for DS1 to sit quietly with a book - don't want to give too many details but it may not be possible for them to accommodate an extra kid. If they can't we'll try and switch it to a different day when DH can make some very convoluted arrangements with work and take DS1 in for part of the day. (He's completely out of AL or he'd just have taken the day off in the first place.)

I suppose it's silly really, I wouldn't be annoyed if she rang me on the morning with D&V or something, I'd come up with a solution - so it is clearly possible. It's just having thought that for once something was going to be easy, I think! I don't drive for medical reasons so the logistics of getting the kids places often requires a bit of juggling and forward planning - she's always saying she'd be happy to help me out more, then the one time I accept she flakes out!

OP posts:
orangegeranium · 21/08/2017 11:15

I sympathise OP and it is where making 'mummy friends' falls down somewhat. My HV would bleat about me needing support with a new baby and I always used to want to shout FROM WHERE!

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 11:17

Corbyn - he's 8. Hopefully old enough to behave if I can take him along, but definitely too young to leave at home on his own.

OP posts:
gandalf456 · 21/08/2017 11:18

Yanbu. Now is the time to he less available for this friend

hellswelshy · 21/08/2017 11:53

Yanbu. Maybe she is the type who is just very disorganised though and need to confirm plans 3 or 4 times beforehand before it sinks in? Annoying though I agree.

gandalf456 · 21/08/2017 12:22

Really hate these disorganised people, though, because they're always disorganised in the right way.

They manage to hold down jobs and turn up for work, most of them, and pay their bills and get their shopping done.

They are most certainly disorganised when it suits them i.e. when someone needs something from them. They cultivate this attitude of get me I am so crap and everyone is supposed to find them endearingly scatty

Branleuse · 21/08/2017 12:32

I would text her, sorry you got muddled up with the days! Any chance you can still do it though, otherwise thats really left me in the lurch x

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