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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Suzy homemaker'

31 replies

Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:28

Just trying to get some opinions here. How would you feel if your partner called you Suzy Homemaker as a joke?

I hated it so wondering what the concensus is.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 21/08/2017 06:29

Probably quite pissed off tbh but what was the context?

HopefullyDothButterNoParsnips · 21/08/2017 06:30

Depends on the context really. If it was a jokey "wow quite the Suzy Homemaker" after I'd just made a pie or something, I'd find it quite funny. If it was "you're just a Suzy Homemaker" and said to be superior then I'd have an issue. Are you a bit sensitive about it? The context is important I think.

Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:32

At the time I was putting flowers in s hanging basket 🤔 Other times it has just been general household stuff.

Apparently I take myself too seriously. He only said it about 5 times in our relationship but I rolled my eyes and thought it was sexist the first time. Now we have two young boys together, I can't stand him saying it around them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:34

It was jokey Hopefully. Apparently.

I thought it was sexist bollocks. If he wouldn't say it to a guy he shouldn't say it to a woman.

OP posts:
highinthesky · 21/08/2017 06:34

So tell him!

Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:35

Did do. He didn't get why I hated it.

OP posts:
coriliavijvaad · 21/08/2017 06:36

If you have a job outside the home then it's massively insulting.

If you don't then it's still a bit annoying and disrespectful but to a lesser extent.

Is your partner a sexist cockwomble?

littlemisssweetness · 21/08/2017 06:37

The doing hanging baskets stuff I'd be ok with but general housework stuff nope not at all. Does he know how you feel about it? Does he mean to be a dick or is he just backwards and trying to mean it as a good thing?

AJPTaylor · 21/08/2017 06:38

Is your name Suzy?

Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:39

I would find it insulting in either case. If I was a sahm I would feel patronised. I work outside the home though.

He's my ex now but I still have to see him. This came up again so I explained why I didn't like it but he's a bit simple and doesn't understand. So he had a go at me for not perceiving his joke as funny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:39

Even if it was Suzy if anyone attached homemaker at the end there'd be strong words

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 21/08/2017 06:41

Thank you Simple Simon its shocks me that we're not still together,

Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:41

Argghh I can't remember what I was doing the other times he said it. It just grates on me. Don't want my boys hearing that sexist tosh. Guys plant fucking plants in planters too!

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 21/08/2017 06:42

As he's an ex I'd be sorely tempted to slip in a 'Dick Homewtecker'

Gorgosparta · 21/08/2017 06:47

It really depends on the relatlionship as a whole. The power balance, how happy tge relationship is, howvthe respect is.

Me and dh would say something similar. But for us it would be a joke.

If the relationship feels unequal or as though one person doesnt respect the other, then i can see how it would not feel like a joke.

woman12345 · 21/08/2017 06:49

Prefer Rosie the Riveter.

'Suzy homemaker'
coriliavijvaad · 21/08/2017 06:50

OK so yes cockwomble.

WiganPierre · 21/08/2017 06:50

There's nothing wrong with being a homemaker. In fact, it's very admirable. It seems you feel your husband doesn't appreciate you, and that hasn't got anything to do with the name he called you. If you've told him you don't like something, but he continues to do it, he is deliberately trying to annoy you. How childish of him.

strawberrisc · 21/08/2017 06:57

I wouldn't mind at all. If I was 60. And living in Victorian times.

Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 06:57

😂 Dick Homewrecker.

I work nearly FT, physical job in a male environment in a Science lab. For context at home I did the majority of the laundry, washing up etc. Used to piss me off.

Even scrappping the contextual info I've just said, I may a feminist and hate the subliminal messages that it's a women's job to do x, y, z. I'm raising young men, I would hate them to grow up thinking that.

If he saw a bloke planting plants, I doubt he's say 'Johnny homemaker' or similar. Maybe 'Alan Titchmarsh' but at least there's a gardening theme there not entirely based on sex.

OP posts:
CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 06:58

If you have a job outside the home then it's massively insulting.

If you don't then it's still a bit annoying and disrespectful but to a lesser extent.

Hmm
strawberrisc · 21/08/2017 07:01

What does it matter whether the OP has a job or not? My Mum was a SAHM and never sat about on her arse. She took being a SAHM as seriously as I have any job.

Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 07:04

I rolled my eyes the first time he said it early on in our relationship. He doesn't read expressions.

Second time I verbally said 'don't say that' or something along those lines.

Third time same again cos apparently he 'forgot I didn't like'.

4th/5th(?) it pisses me right off!! I tell him it's really immature - his reply is 'why are you insulting me by calling me immature?'🤔🤔🤔

I'm meant to see the funny side of it every time he says it. If it actually was funny I would.

He's not an ex due to the content in this thread but because he's a monumental dickhead in general.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imbeingunreasonable · 21/08/2017 07:09

Wigan - there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a homemaker.

I would hate for anyone to feel patronised for being one. I hate sexism in any form, either way.

It shouldn't be expected that because a person has a vagina they are automatically assigned to domestic duties. What he said was just casual sexism at play. He sees it as harmless. I see it an attempt to belittle women no matter what their employment status. Overthinking I may be, but it feels wrong. If he wouldn't say it to a guy why would he say it to a woman?

OP posts:
CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 07:11

He clearly likes saying it to wind you up. While I'd normally agree about pulling him up on it, I think it probably just eggs him on.

Maybe if he does it in front of the boys, you wait till he's gone and talk to them about why it's wrong.

It won't be as funny when they start pulling him up on it.

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