Am I being unrealistic by wanting to live in halls?

[AYoungForeignBrit]

Hi there

I'm a young undergraduate so I recently got into uni.

My parents refused to allow me to go outside of my city that I live in. I did apply to one which was a couple hours away but was forced to reject it.

Their reasoning was that I would not survive since I am severely disabled. Trouble is, I don't see myself as disabled unless it's in my face because I'm in a wheelchair for long distances. Plus they have heard stories of sexual crimes that seem to happen in uni and to them, I am vulnerable.

I hear there are a few more spaces in university halls but I really have been trying for the last year to persuade my parents that living on campus is right both physically and socially. Uni is close for me to commute but also far enough for me to stay. My parents do wrap me in cotton wool and I honestly hate it.

My older sister and brother both got the privilege so it's not a case of they are protective of all kids equally. However, am I being unreasonable and unrealistic? Am I thinking like I have an able bodied person?

Could you talk to the university and see get the full information about what facilities they have and present the case to your parents then. (You could use a flip chart and a pointer!)
Let's the have a question and answer seasion at the end with handouts (Ok maybe I'm getting carried away)
Ask your brother and sister to help you to reassure them regarding safety too if it's what you really want to do.

I just wanted to wish you all the best!!!

I'm a lecturer and, over the last few years, have taught two students who are wheelchair users with cerebral palsy. One had a full time carer who provided personal care and feeding. Both students lived in halls and both did very well. If it is possible for you, then you should definitely explore it. In the first instance, speak to the Support Unit at your chosen uni. They will be able to tell you if there is suitable accommodation, and assess what, if any, additional support you require. You may be eligible for some help through your local authority, and the university will also be able to tell you what they can offer.

Also, tell your parents how you feel. If you can go in to halls, remind them that they're not far away and it will benefit you more longer term. Congratulations on getting into uni. Regardless of where you live, you will, in all likelihood, love uni.

Thank you!! I have tried tout some degree but they give me a half heartedly positive response and then a no. I just want to experience halls for a year or three and socialise independently

Lelly

Thanks for the insight. I think I would manage with a part time carer and I'll call the uni up and try this again.

Gardengreek

I think I feel more guilty in not allowing them a choice because I'd rather be supported. Plus I still need them financially

I have a feeling that my mum's emotional parental side as un not wanting her youngest to leave is a factor

But yes seriously I think because they have wrapped me in cotton wool, they feel that I can't do anything despite me having proved to them several times. They keep referring to my mistakes made when I was in my early teens or even childhood like losing keys and forgetting to lock doors which hasn't happened since I was 6!!

You've posted this before OP. What's changed since then?

I guess I'll have to break away from that but thanks for the funfact made me chuckle

Fluffy

Maybe that was someone in a similar predicament as I don't think I've posted about it before. Hope that someone got to stay in halls

Is there anyone, perhaps a former teacher or school counsellor, who could sit down with you and your parents to talk this through (i.e. they would act as a mediator) and see if the issues can be resolved. As long as it's just you and your parents hashing this out endlessly, no progress will be made. Ideally, your parents would get a grip through this process.

What do your older siblings think about it all?

I would have thought that staying in halls would be advantageous to you given your disability as you will be on campus and so able to get everywhere you need to much more easily. Where I live halls give priority to those with disabilities, but they do have caveats about the level of support offered (so for example housing is only for the student, not for a carer too).

In your case OP I'd ring up the university, explain your needs and see what they have to offer. If you think that that will work for you then sit down with your parents and talk them through why you think halls is best for you and how you will cope with any issues arising because of your disability. I hope it works out, living in halls can be a great experience and a real step towards independence.

As a mum of adult young women I can identify with labelling my children as the silliest/most careless/reckless thing they have ever done. I can also recognise the brave/sensible/successful things they have done against my cautious better judgement.

You are absolutely the best judge of your own abilities. If you think you can do this , give it a try, you are probably right. The worst possible scenario is that you overstretch yourself and have to go home to Mum and Dad with your tail between your legs. The more likely outcome is that you know yourself best and exceed their expectations. Either way, it will be an adventure.