To expect a leaving gift?

[TheIntrovertedMum]

This has been playing on my mind since it happened in June!

I had a baby in October and decided not to go back to my old work but get a new job closer to home. (I had a miscarriage when I was on maternity leave and couldn't face going back to the place I spent my previous pregnancy day after day). My old work decided to invite me to a night out as a "leaving do".

At the start of the meal the manager decided to do a wee announcement and I was like omg don't embarrass me with a speech, but it was just to announce another staff member was going to be a daddy (which I found quite insensitive considering I'd just had a MC).

I worked for the company for 6 years and they didn't so much as get me a card! I know this sounds quite spoilt of me but in my time there, 4 other members of staff left and all received cards and gifts (we all put up £10 each) and some of these people were quite shit at their job and we're only there for short periods of time!

I cried about this for an hour when I got home from that night out and two months down the line I'm still really annoyed about it - AIBU?

Did they have a collection when you went on maternity leave?

If you were already on mat leave had you already had a leaving do

If you were already on mat leave had you already had a leaving do

I'm sorry but I do think you are a bit unreasonable.

Where I work, if you don't come back after maternity leave you don't get a leaving doo and you certainly don't get presents. We got baby/maternity presents and that was it. Were you given anything when you went on maternity?

I do think it a little insensitive to announce another pregnancy though if they knew you'd recently suffered a mc but it's likely that they just didn't think so try not to take it personally.

If they had a collection when you went on mat leave then YABU. You can't expect another gift if you didn't go back.

You left on mat leave and didn't go back. I wouldn't have put in for a collection for you (assuming you got baby bits)
Did the company know you had an mc?

the same happened to me, i left after 6 years and got nothing when plenty of others did. I was a little hurt tbh. so i don't think you are being unreasonable to feel sad.

Do you think they could of been annoyed that you didn't go back after mat leave? I know you are completely within your rights to leave but might have annoyed them perhaps ? Still doesn't explain why your colleagues didn't have a collection or something especially if the night out was for your leaving do. Maybe it was just a case of if you haven't physically been at work for a while they didn't collect much or people had kind of forgotten you or there had been a lot of new staff ? Did many attend the leaving meal?

I can see where you're coming from but it's a bit different when someone who is already on leave decides to hand their notice in. Presumably they'd given you some kind of send of on your maternity leave? So it would be a bit unusual to bring you back in to give you another send off.

Don't let it play on your mind.

No I hadn't had a collection or leaving do for going off on Mat leave. And one of the said leaving dos for a previous staff member was for a girl who changed jobs after the birth of her child. Another was for a mum of two children who would be better off financially by not working (cost of childcare)

Ah in that case it's a bit shit of them.

You can't expect a gift if you didn't go back after maternity leave. I left my firm after 15 years and still see a number of colleagues - it wouldn't have occurred to me that I should have been given a gift because as far as they were concerned, I had already gone when I went on maternity leave.
Good luck in your new job.

A card would have been nice but YABU to expect a present, for all the reasons listed above.

I got nothing from my workplace when I had a premature baby ( actually went into labour whilst still at work doing gruellingly long shifts in heatwave weather). When I pointed it out months later ( in a jokey way when money was being collected for the next baby shower) , colleagues were mortified and I think it was just an oversight.

So really you had left months and months earlier?

To answer your q yes they knew about my mc.

It was the whole point of inviting me to a leaving do and then not acknowledging me leaving?

The girl who had left after mat leave previously then had a leaving do and present hadn't worked there in over a year when they organised one for her.

I would understand it anywhere else but the office was quite a small close knit office so I just couldn't help but be offended.

You worked there for 6 years, in a company that by the sounds of things likes to give quite generous gifts at these occasions, and they didn't really recognise your maternity leave or your leaving. I think it's fair enough to feel peeved.

I got nothing when I had a baby even though others had done. At that time I worked across a number of teams and therefore I don't think any of them saw it as exactly their responsibility. I think your being on leave has muddied the waters similarly. It is shit though. I continued to work there for a few years but declined to put into collections after that.

After those updates then YANBU. That's pretty shitty of them.