To ask what your tech rules are for your 12yo?

[FauxFox]

What rules do you have about internet and phone use? Do you allow/monitor texting/social media etc? Is it ok for your DC to use their phone/internet alone in their room? Can they download apps of their choosing? Do you tolerate constant FaceTime with friends in your home? Really interested to see what rules you have as DD is really challenging to parent in this respect... TIA

When DC were that age, and up to being 16, rules are/were I had to know the password and had to be able to check whenever I asked for it. Had filters to prevent porn etc.

Never objected to face time etc but family meals with no electronics 6 days a week and phones downstairs to charge overnight.

DD12 has a phone and laptop. She can use them in her room until 8pm when the router prevents her devices from accessing the wifi. Phone is switched off and out of her room overnight (mainly because it switches on when being charged rather than because we don't trust her).

She has a fairly free reign on apps but is encouraged to find out about them first e.g. by looking on commonsensemedia or the NSPCC reviews site. Snapchat is the only app we've actively asked her not to download. She isn't happy about it but, as I pay for her phone, has been accepting of it to date. She has a private Instagram account and is good about only accepting follow requests from people she has met in real life. No Facetime because her phone won't work with it but she uses Whatsapp with school friends.

None of us has a phone at the table for family mealtimes and DD is no exception. We don't set time limits on screens generally as she spends quite a bit of time taking part in hobbies/activities that are screen-free by their very nature. She follows a couple of YouTube vlogs which she likes to watch. We haven't felt the need to do much monitoring of what she accesses/watches on YouTube as she's quite risk averse and, at the moment, does a good job of self-monitoring.

only 3 messages, and all mine have been covered already...

Yes, she had free access, but on the understanding that her on-line world WASN'T private - we could, would and DID look at her usage/history and talk to her about it. Many conversations about keeping privacy settings, bullying, how things said on line were there for ever, etc.

No tech at the table.

No tech overnight.

She's 15 now, and most of these rules still more-or-less apply and - so far - haven't let us down.
DH is VERY tech-savy, though, and this helps.

As a parent, don't be ignorant of what they're on and looking at and what the pitfalls might be. it's not hard, but when they talk about websites, go and use these yourself and see what that experience is like.

Thanks...I really hate that DD can't self- moderate with tech at all it's so wearing trying to make sure she is not on screens for hours on end, that she's safe online and finding a balance when she continually breaks rules for seemingly no reason at all is so hard....