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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of my Husband

17 replies

NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 14:03

My daughter is 20 months old. Recently, whenever we all spend time together (me, DH, DD) she completely and utterly rejects me for her Dad. She won't even hold my hand if he's there, although we have a great time when it's just us two on our own. The only time she wants me is at night - I just feel like I'm failing as a mother because it's so obvious she prefers my DH for anything fun in the day, I then inadvertently become withdrawn and I'm sure it's a vicious cycle. Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips on dealing with it graciously? I know it's not my DH's fault he's such a good dad....

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 20/08/2017 14:06

They all go through phases of preferring one over the other but come back. Is dad away at work all day? Sometimes they want them when they are not around as much.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/08/2017 14:07

This is totally, 100% normal and it's just a phase. A 20 month old is not able to equally divide her attention between the two of you when you're all together, so when daddy is around, it appears as though she "favors" him when that's just not the case. This phase will pass soon, as her development progresses. Just relax and stop taking it personally.

OhHolyJesus · 20/08/2017 14:07

Similar here and same with the in laws - DS 19 m/o didn't want me to kick the ball today, just Grandpa. Look at the bright side of it though that you don't have a Velcro child and can get stuff done whilst they play and how when they are hurt or want comfort at bedtime she wants her mummy. You will always be her mummy Smile

Original poster
NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 14:08

Thanks both. Sorry should have said, we both work part time so have equal time alone with her, with three days in nursery.

OP posts:
Original poster
NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 14:08

Thanks ohholy good to know it's not just me!

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 20/08/2017 14:10

I feel sorry for you but you shouldn't take it personally and it is just a phase. Some dads won't be in their kids lives or not bothered about them so you should feel happy although I understand the reason for the thread

Original poster
NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 14:12

That's very true mission - he is such a brilliant dad, nothing phases him. I just wish I didn't find it so hurtful - it's my issue I know!

OP posts:
Jezzifishie · 20/08/2017 14:12

Just a phase, don't worry! DD2 had a 'daddy daddy daddy' phase, I felt really sad and rejected at the time. Now I'm the parent of choice, and it drives me mad because I don't get a second to myself!!

squoosh · 20/08/2017 14:15

Please give yourself a stern talking to the next time you feel yourself becoming withdrawn. She's not doing this to hurt you, it isn't personal, and you can't project an adult's reasoning on to a toddler.

This is a normal phase for her to have.

Original poster
NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 14:36

I will do squoosh - I'm normally thick skinned but for some reason this is really hurting me. Ridiculous!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/08/2017 14:45

Yes it is ridiculous, sorry 💐 They do go through stages, enjoy this one and go do your other stuff and let him get on with it. It's not a rejection of you honest.

I was shit at playing. Bored me crapless, even going to the park bored me, my husband however has endless child like patience. Even now she's twenty they will play play station together. I'm the one she talks to or seeks advice from, different relationships as we are different people. I'd read stories, or sing her songs, but ask me to play kerplunk and Id want to stick pins in my eyes,,,so clearly daddy was the one she went to for playing. I never saw it as a preference, more my thought process was " excellent, you get on with that then and I will do this"Grin

EmeraldIsle100 · 20/08/2017 14:51

Don't let it hurt you, it is completely normal. I have been in the exact same position as have all my brothers and sisters as parents. Take the break when you can get it because it will swing around and she will cling to you like a limpet and you will wish she would head back to her dad.

Totally normal, enjoy the freedom cos it won't last.

Original poster
NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 18:12

Thanks bluntness and emerald - both of your posts are helpful. Out of my friends I'm the only one that doesn't seem to have a mummy obsessed toddler so felt like it was something I might have done....

OP posts:
NotMyMonkees · 20/08/2017 18:25

It's a phase, chances are in a month or two it'll be you she wants all the time and you'll never get a break! Mine are older now but still will go through a month where they want me to do stories/bed and then a month when it's all daddy (and I get to chill with a glass of wine Grin)

MrsMozart · 20/08/2017 18:32

They pretty much all do it and we pretty much all feel hurt. It's another rite of passage Smile

Original poster
NorthStar1981 · 20/08/2017 19:40

People have reassured me she would have a mummy phase but this one has been going strong since she was 9 months!

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 20/08/2017 19:44

We went through something similar, but when DD got to three-ish she wouldn't leave me alone. Even dinner had to be eaten from my plate or there'd be major upset.

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