To think actually I'm not as amazing as everyone seems to think

[PeppaPigObsession]

I'm on my own with DD, 2. DD has a global developmental delay, speech delay, squint in her eye, hearing problems, and is asthmatic.

DD doesn't sleep much. and has regular appointments at 3 different hospitals and 6 different outpatients clinics. I don't drive so spend a lot of time with her on buses/trains or in someone elses car. Exh has nothing to do with us, money is horrendously tight, and I feel like half her conditions are my fault. She goes to a private day Nursery 3 days a week and I feel like it's because I can't cope, the nursery place is completely funded.

Everyone says I'm amazing for coping with it all on my own. I just think I've been lucky that it hasn't gone wrong sooner, and I'm waiting for it to go wrong and for Social Services or someone to step in and take her to someone who can cope.

I do love her, but I feel like such a fake. I'm not a proper parent, Nursery do nearly 50% of her care, and as she has no major behaviour issues I don't even really need to discipline her.

I'm a fake. I've been trying to do cheap or free things with her on the days she's not in Nursery. We're not doing too badly, but I feel like I hover too much, due to her delay she has physical issues standing and walking, but then I feel judged. So just can't face it.

She's clean, fed and mostly happy, but I don't feel like I do that.

freezer I will contact her pediatrician but the problem is I can't find wellies in size 3 that don't cost loads, so either way she'd be excluded. Her shoes are find for nursery now but I don't think would be ok for the Mud Kitchens as they're Bar Shoes, so she'd get herself and socks covered although I am happy to provide extra socks - as we have lots of pairs of socks that fit her.

Why don't you ask the nursery what solution they think would work? Explain that your dd has special shoes and wouldn't be able to get wellies made especially for her and see if they have any suggestions (e.g. coverings).

As the other poster said, also contact the person who recommended the specialist shoes and ask if wellies for a short period would be ok, I don't see why size 3 wellies would be more expensive than any others- you may find the nursery can loan you some, or ask around.

Summer The only place I've found that sells size 3 wellies are next and they're £15 a pair. Size 4s can be bought in Tesco for £4

I'm sure wellies for a few hours 3 days per week at nursery would be fine.

Check Ebay for size 3 wellies, or perhaps those special boots that could be dedicated for the mud kitchen - will go look on ebay to see if I can find what I mean.

You are doing a great job, you have an awful lots on your plate and only get 3 short days of respite whilst she's at nursery with no other support.

Random You're amazing, just checked Ebay and they have the startrite ones secondhand for £2.50 in Size 3, I'll risk her wearing them until I can get hold of her pediatrician, I'll just as Nursery to keep it to a minimum

Ok the boot options

piedro, schien, ricosta or kickers - probably in that order

Random Thank you, just won the startrite pair for £3.50 with £3 postage. Won't be here until next week but it's a start. They're not the most attractive things so might have to find some outdoor or weather proof stickers to get DD to wear them but it'll be ok!

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Girls-Pink-patterned-Star-Piedro-Boots-Size-3-5-EU-20-Special-Needs-Supportive-/172810178960?hash=item283c4a1190:g:iDIAAOSwstJZXr1m

These are £10 - so if get ruined less of an issue?

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Piedro-Orthopaedic-Boots-Size-20/332334196722?_trkparms=aid%3D222007%26algo%3DSIM.MBE%26ao%3D2%26asc%3D45564%26meid%3Df2380ba8afd3494e97f00c1b238a5cdb%26pid%3D100623%26rk%3D1%26rkt%3D6%26sd%3D172810178960&_trksid=p2047675.c100623.m-1

I won a startrite pair so they're the same brand as her shoes

Yeah well done, I'd not even finished listing links!!!

I saw them going cheap and only having a few minutes left so got in there while I could.

Just wanted to give you a little hand hold OP. You ARE amazing. I fully understand your situation. My eldest DD was born with multiple disabilities. It is so hard, but I can assure you that everyone will be admiring how well you are coping and thinking "there but by the grace of God go I". Please don't worry about SS etc - they will also be admiring you - it is very obvious from your OP that you adore, love and want the best for your little girl. There is no way on earth that your mothering is under threat. As time goes on, you will care less about what people think, I promise. Incidentally, are you getting or have you applied for DLA as you would definitely be entitled and that would help with your finances and enable you to spend more on your little girl's needs? Please ask your health visitor about this as she will be able to help you.Good luck.

Please be kind to yourself OP. I am awed by any parent who has a child with disabilities, and can confirm what Gran says - people are admiring how you cope.

I hope it will help you to realise that we all do this 'mum guilt' thing. I had DCs, got divorced, was a single mum before remarrying. DCs are mostly now in their 20s and I was worrying the other day to one of them that I thought I'd been a bit shit as a mother - that I was always cross and tired and busy. (trying to juggle too much stuff and worried about money, etc). She was really taken aback that I felt that way and said I'd been a great mum and they had had a happy childhood and were all fine. But I still think I wasn't brilliant and that everyone else was better at being a mum than I was.

I understand op, I've got a husband but I also have more children with disabilities so we probably have a similar amount of work/stress etc. It's hard, especially when you feel judged by everyone. I always hate those meetings with all the professionals and they are all telling me what I should be doing in a patronizing way when they don't know what it's like to look after my DC full time.

Just want to join in with the chorus and say that you are amazing, and you are doing it! Going to nursery is a part of her development, and will be doing so much for her, it's not only about you doing or not doing enough while she's there. You don't have to feel guilty about her spending the day away from you and joining in with her peers, and you're doing so much for her the rest of the time. I know it can feel that way sometimes, that people are judging when you follow behind your DD, but you can't let it cloud your own judgement as a mum. Keep doing what you feel is best, for her, not for what others think. Re the shoes and wellies, my son couldn't wear wellies either, I just spoke to the nursery and they were fine about making an exception. I'm not sure under what funding your DD has her nursery place, but it could be worth looking into what they call a UFAG place, which had additional support and money attached to it. I would also suggest applying for DLA as it would help with all of the additional costs that you incur as a parent/carer. It's all so stressful being a parent, even without additional needs and difficult circumstance, that's why people think you're amazing for managing so well.

Sorry for late response I was dealing with DD all night.

I do suffer with depression. I'm on antidepressants but I ran out a few weeks ago and haven't been able to get even a telephone consultation with my GP to go back on them, because they're so busy. There's a waiting list for an appointment apparently as people are waiting 5+ weeks to see a doctor although it'll die down in September apparently.

I don't have much for myself. DD is sleeping even worse than normal at the moment so I'm spending the 9 hours a day 3 times a week she's in Nursery cleaning, napping and responding to emails about her. I've not got round to tackling the mound of paperwork and phonecalls about it seriously I fill in at least one questionnaire a week about her.

Exhs family are trying to be supportive, but it is hard as they're loyalties are obviously torn.

I get DLA for DD but only lower rate so I don't get any extra tax credits, carers allowance or help towards my rent. And Exh has given up his job and won't claim benefits so I don't see a penny off him.

I think you need to make an emergency appt, running out if anti depressants that means your mood will plummet I was informed by my GP is an emergency.

How long since your DLA outcome? Is it time to reapply?

Random I call from 8am every morning usually don't get through. I've told them its because I've run out of medication I need and they say they'll text me if they get a cancellation or a slot at the end of morning or afternoon surgery and never get a slot. They're 2 GPs down apparently so have no appointments. I go into surgery to wait but never get seen.

Looks like my lifes about to get even worse for awhile. DDs got chicken pox so no nursery, and she's sleeping appallingly

peppa i follow your threads - you are doing great and impostor syndrome is something most people feel, it's not reality. Of course nursery don't parent your DD - mine are ft and there are many, many things you don't get from nursery that only a parent provides. You're far too hard on yourself.