Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next door neighbour....AIBU

26 replies

Issummeroveryet · 20/08/2017 10:17

I've recently moved into a new house after separating from my ex. The house is the second in a row of 4 new builds. Next door have been lovely, knocked on when we were moving in and introduced himself and offered help if needed. I have a massive problem with them though. The way the house is set up the only downstairs living space is on the back with patio doors onto the garden. On a day like today when its nice I obviously like to have the doors open. Next door is obviously a weed smoker and although its not constant there are times when the smell comes straight over the fence into the house. I've got 2 children so obviously don't want them breathing in in.
So would IBU to speak to him or the landlady about it (we have the same landlady) or should I just leave it and shut the door if I smell it?

OP posts:
MrsChopper · 20/08/2017 10:21

Well, you say you've spoken to them and they have been lovely. I think your first step should be to have a quiet word with them. I wouldn't get the landlady involved yet because I wouldn't want to shit on my own doorstep ifit can be avoided.

amousehaseatenmypaddlingpool · 20/08/2017 10:24

I'd speak to them first, then the land lady if there is no change.

Good luck OP

Original poster
Issummeroveryet · 20/08/2017 10:48

I'm not really confident enough to go and knock on the door, I'm a single parent and they are 2 youngish lads who usually have friends there. Maybe a polite note through the door?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 20/08/2017 10:50

I have the issue. I just close the door/windows/bring the washing in.

I find weed smokers are in denial about how their habit impacts on other people, so it isn't worth falling out with them, or have them find something to complain about, back.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 20/08/2017 10:50

Notes through the door are so passive-aggressive and very easily misconstrued.

Just go and speak to them.

Violetcharlotte · 20/08/2017 10:52

I've got the same issue with the 2 lads that live behind me. I often have to have all my windows and doors shut on a sunny day because I can't stand the smell. I agree with pp you should try and talk to them.. I've not been brace enough yet though!

NewYorkthisXmas · 20/08/2017 10:54

I would leave it if i were you. People who smoke drugs can get quite aggressive.

chickenowner · 20/08/2017 10:55

I think it's much better to talk to them rather than write a note...

Crispbutty · 20/08/2017 10:56

The majority of people who smoke weed are far from aggressive. Hmm

Just knock and ask them to smoke a bit further down their garden.

IGotRainedOn · 20/08/2017 10:57

I'd call around and talk to them. It might work.

Sally52014 · 20/08/2017 10:58

Don't leave a note, it's really passive aggressive. Our neighbour puts them under our door giving out that she can hear us talking/laughing and it's infuriating. Just knock on the door and be really nice about it. They could be great about it and just close their own door!

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 20/08/2017 10:59

Our neighbours both sides do this. We've had to learn to live with it.

Original poster
Issummeroveryet · 20/08/2017 11:02

I dont think they would be aggressive, its just a little bit intimidating to go and knock on the door.
I think the only way it would not come into mine is if they smoked it right inside their house, the gardens aren't big enough that going to the end would make a difference.

OP posts:
notanotherNC · 20/08/2017 11:02

Our old next door neighbours did this. The LL didn't care, he just wanted the rent money. Police said they don't get involved with "social use". I think you will just have to live with it.

Dina1234 · 20/08/2017 11:08

what a prick. you could either have word with him, maybe ask him to close the windows or stick to edibles but if he doesn't comply he will know that you've got a problem with it. Alternatively you could just make anonymous call to his landlady or the police. The last thing you want is forhis problems to start effecting you ifgegets in trouble with his dealer.

AntiGrinch · 20/08/2017 11:09

I think it's fine to ask them nicely. It's important with things like this that you position it not as "stop your disgusting habit, which is illegal" (because that makes you The Man and they'll ignore you); but rather as "we're neighbours, we effectively share space, let's be considerate to one another" (which makes you a human being)

When you approach this conversation have a list of potential solutions up your sleeve like: smoke indoors only; smoke indoors only during child waking hours; etc. Offer them something that would make them look like dicks if they don't agree

FizzyGreenWater · 20/08/2017 11:16

Someone I know (or rather friend of friend) had a BIZARRE solution to this.

They recorded someone's voice with a distortion, saying slowly and deeply 'WEED SMOKIN'! WEED SMOKIN'! over and over again, really creepily.

They then played it with speaker placed against top floor open window, really loudly, when the folk next door were smoking outside the windows (narrow three storey terraces). You couldn't work out where the voice was coming from.

Frustratingly I have no idea what the outcome was and the friend of friend moved out shortly afterwards anyway! But, quite madly excellent if very weird way of tackling it!!!

Peachyking000 · 20/08/2017 11:25

I would say something, but perhaps in a nonchalant "oh, by the way, I was meaning to ask......." next time you bump into them. Rather than deliberately calling round to discuss it. I definitely wouldn't write a note though, I think you are better saying it face to face in a friendly non-confrontational way

CrochetBelle · 20/08/2017 11:32

I'd just send the kids out there daily and revel in how well they'd sleep at night Grin

blueskyinmarch · 20/08/2017 11:34

I wouldn't frame in terms of weed smoking, just in terms of smoking in general. Just pop round and ask if they could smoke elsewhere in the garden as the smoke is drifting into your house/garden and it isn't good for your children. That way they might show concern for you children where they might not show concern for an adult.

Original poster
Issummeroveryet · 20/08/2017 11:37

Thanks for all the replies, I will definitely have a word when I pluck up the courage. They probably don't even realise that it blows into mine. anti I think I'll go with asking if our doors are open during the day they would mind smoking inside. Its easy to see over the fence and its not a huge amount of time we have them open so think it would be reasonable. fizzy thats hilarious! Grin

OP posts:
Flicketyflack · 20/08/2017 11:38

I would not say anything- I can smell people cigarettes which is just as annoying (although not illegal).

Adapt your behaviour it's not worth the hassle IMO.

Peachyking000 · 20/08/2017 11:40

Crochet that thought crossed my mind too lol

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 20/08/2017 11:46

I think it's fair enough to ask them to smoke further down the garden, but I wouldn't ask them to smoke inside the house. Definitely speak face to face though, a note could cause problems if they take it the wrong way.

UniversalAunt · 20/08/2017 11:52

If you can smell it next door, then it's likely the vapours are going into thier house as well. They probably cannot smell it but any guests/landlord will.

You'd be doing them a favour by letting them know you can smell it & suggesting they go further down the garden to indulge.